Massive Douchebag

I didn't know having a tiny penis was considered a disability

After he goes into work one day, you should leave him a little flyer that says 'email this company for a free snow-board' (douche bags love snow boards) after a little time and some clever planning you should be able to acquire his phone number.
Now, this next part is tricky, but the effect is devastating. You need to find a pay phone and use it to call that number. (make sure to do this when you know he'll be home) In a very deep voice you need to ask him if his refrigerator is running. To which he will undoubtedly respond 'yes', or 'yeah'. Then you should tell him that he had better go catch it.
YFW

If he does it every day, get the cops to ticket him, then remove the ticket every day... Eventually, he will be fucked out of everything he owns. =)

break his legs so he can legally park there

1. Put this under his wiper. Everyone deserves a chance
2. If he keeps being such a douchebag key his shit (optional put ducttape over his mufflers, this can break the car down)
3. Post pictures of the result
4. ????????
5. Profit!!!

Do the completely legal and lulzerful thing! Call the cops and let them know and then watch as he rages as he gets a fine of upwards of $500 and possible license suspension! If he does it again, call again and watch that fine skyrocket! Its great!

[The affects differ from state to state but it won't be pleasant!]

stick a potato in his tailpipe

Make him a PB&J sandwich.




but don't cut off the crust..

well, in all fairness, Hummer drivers ARE mentally handicapped...

mfw reading the license plate

**Alexmario rolled a random image posted in comment #32 at BILLY MAYS HERE ** what you should do

Take that picture, print it, tape it to his dashboard, pour sugar in his gas tank, shit in the exhaust pipe, slash the tires, and steal the license plate

Okay. So, here's what you do. You get a crowbar (just in case he has a locking gas-cap.) Fill his gas tank with a mixture of equal parts sugar, corn starch, and shredded plastic (like tinsel or astroturf run through a high quality shredder, if you can find it.) The mixture will not only destroy his engine, which is a 7500 dollar repair job, it will destroy his fuel lines, clog and burn out his fuel pump, and if the engine runs for long enough, it will require a replacement of pretty much all of the emissions control equipment, too. Also, acquire a valve stem puller and pull all the valve stems from his tires. This is safer than slashing his tires, but because of the shearing pressure placed by the weight of the car on the rim edges and thus the rubber ruins the tires just as much. If you've managed to do this much without getting caught, pop the engine bay and take a dump on the engine block so when he starts the car (thus springing your earlier sugar, cornstarch, and plastic trap) he is greeted by the smell of burning feces.

Confront him about it. Don't be a pussy and fuck with his car. If he still acts like a total douchebag then call the cops when he's parked there and he'll get a massive fucking ticket for parking in a handicap space.

Get close to him, become very good friends....get to know him and his family....then slowly push everybody away from him....tell his family lies as well as his other friends...until he is completely alone, he will turn to u, all he has left....then u take his car crash it into his house, burn it down, and shit on the ashes!

Water balloons full of paint thinner and leftover oils from foods you cook. Like bacon. Put both in their own separate balloons.

Trust me on this, it is the most foul, disgusting thing you could think of to do to someones car without compromising its structural integrity. The paint thinner dose exactly what its supposed to do, thin paint. The grease comes in contact with the thinner and it begins to turn to a sludge, and starts to fizz. The car smells like the meat, and attracts birds. Birds shit all over the car. The grease begins to rot, car stinks and is covered in this oil substance that is hard to get off.

Costs about 5K to get the shit off, plus the paint job. so your looking at at LEAST $5,750, and I have never met an auto mechanic that wouldn't do a hummer for at least 1,100, and that is one coat of paint.

My estimate: 7K in damages.

Of course, don't do this, as its illegal. This is only information

Also, it can be used with oil and pain thinner to make a flammable slurry. Insurgent groups the world over use them.

Dig a hole under his car, place some TNT in it, cover it up. Place a pressure plate beside the driver's side door and set up a red stone circuit. Grab a camera and some popcorn.

Fill his exhaust with feces, then use a broom handle or something to push it all up into the muffler. That way the engine will still run, but the heat and humidity present in the exhaust will keep the poo fresh and his car will smell like shit everywhere he goes.