Bloody hell, I come back from a day out, to find all this! I don't know what to say.

For real, innit bruv.

Stephen Fry isn't far off

What do British people think Americans talk like?

this

Or this with a hummer and a big mac

Same

Well we Americans ought to have our laughs too!

One day, I was operating my motorized rollingham along the cobble-stone-clippity-clop to reach my favorite deli. I noticed that my motorized rollingham was having trouble rickedy-popping so I pondered "I must be gentle if I'm to reach the deli and order my favourite breaddystack." After I (pardon the informality) ate my meal I returned to my dwelling quarters. As I rotated the twisting plankhandle of my door, I was flabbergasted that there was a negro of large stature putting a rooty tooty point-n-shooty in the general direction of my visage. He had my wife strapped to a chair with a few electro-ropes and was about to engage in forcy fun time with her. I shouted for the constable but the negro speared me with a pip-pop-gollywock. He then forced me to get on my wunderbahbox and use my hoighty toighty tippy typer to disclose my finance information. After I fulfilled that task, he discharged his rooty-tooty-point-n-shooty into my ceiling bright. He was on his way out of the entrance, but a merry fizzlebomb celebration just started. He was so startled by clamor that he shat himself so forcefully that he breathed his last breath and passed on.
My wife and I were saved by these "fireworks"

I dont know how to feel about this.

You accidently your sentence

Forcey-Fun-Time made me splity-splatty my tea....