tragedy. Source: www.duffelblog.com/. ISA? maps Candy's Afghan Children, Kills 51 Justin imay 22, now 38 Comments Afghanistan - sh Elk In a tragic accident earl tags
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ISA? maps Candy's Afghan Children, Kills 51
Justin imay 22, now 38 Comments
Afghanistan -
sh Elk In a tragic accident earlier today,
air craft balon gin g to the
If Like International Security Assistance
arce (ISA?) inadvertently killed
51 Afghans today near the city of Mazarin-
Sharif while attempting to drop candy to a
group of children.
According to accounts from both Afghans
and international observers, two HATE
aircraft, later identified as American %,
made a low pass over a village of several
hundred Afghans outside the city.
Approximately 1. 4 million M &Ms were to be delivered via Container Delivery System in a single
package with a weight of moo lbs. Due to a malfunction in the static: line, the parachute failed to
deploy and the container crashed through the roof of a local school at nearly aoo miles per hour.
Upon imp act, the force of the rapidly settling candies caused the sides to explode outward,
causing what physics professor Dr. Rosella Schwartz described as, 'essentially a who degree anti-
personnel mine full of chocolate Bach ates.”
By “leech ettes l Schwartz is referring to the ' candy shells, which shattered and spelled
upon entering the bodies of the victims and also caused more numerous and severe secondary
injuries.
Dr. Manuel Velez of the Red Cross, one of the first medical personnel at the site of the impact, had
a similar assessment of the candy shas' damage.
I' seen a lot of injuries inflicted on civilians by military ordnance, but this was much worse,""
Velez said, sto oping to change the bandages on one of the victims while pointing out the many
blue. mean. and yellow splotches.
The worst were the peanut LIME. The soft chocolate acted as a sab m around the peanuts, so
basically these things were pen en ator rounds.”
ISA? spokesperson Colonel Mark Marshall, who spoke to reporters to day at a press conference in
Kabul, said the candy drop was only the latest phase of a new operation called "Rees as for
P' eases."" He added that while ISA? regrets the accidental loss of civilian life, it would not deter
them working to relieve the suffering of the Afghan people.
Sources at ISA? headquarters in Kabul said the operation was first proposed by Deputy
Commander General Bill Whitehead as a way to help boost the morale of Aagh ans as western
forces began their longrange mp ated dropdown.
General Whitehead said he first got the idea after reading a book about the 1948 Berlin Airlift.
After finishing their cargo deliveries, American pilots would drop pieces of candy to
impoverished children, which earned the United States a lot of go publicity.
Counterinsurgency is all about winning the hearts and minds of the people," said General
Whitee earl, "and as we transition to a much smaller footprint, the Air Force is going to have to
take on some of the roles traditionally filled by soldiers, such as handing out candy."
In early March, General Whitehead gave ISA? the authority to begin planning a series of
humanitarian ops over population centers in Afghanistan. Caper ati on "Reese' s for Petties'
was launched two weeks later, with Reapers dropping several tons of licorice on Kandahar.
Over the next few weeks, ISA? warplanes dropped tons of ass arted chocolates, sweets, and even
ice cream over the warstory country. Otha: NATE countries also took part, with French planes
dropping ban bans and German planes dropping Bavarian chocolate. The United States,
however, is contributing the bulk of the candy being used in the operation.
The incident in M arif is unfortunately not the first setback for “Reese? for Paws“.
Other blunders included a of Baby Ruth bars being dropped short of its target
on March 19 and plowing into a bus full of madras's students, killing an cm April 27,
several Snickers bars hit a wedding party near Kun tin z, killing 35. And on May 8, several packs of
Starbursts inadvertently hit an orphan age and killed 8 children and an adorable kitten named
Mittens.
Following the press conference, Colonel Marshall tried to exit the podium, but tripped and
crashed into a group of civilians, killing 9.
...
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User avatar #2 - malkavianmadman (06/25/2012) [-]
omg this statement is just full of win '360 degree antipersonnel mine full of chocolate flachettes' and I dont know why
User avatar #6 - leapinglizard (06/26/2012) [+] (1 reply)
mythbusters anyone?
User avatar #1 - thunderkrux ONLINE (06/25/2012) [-]
I can just see it now that the weapons of the future will be candy
User avatar #10 - imaginator (06/26/2012) [-]
ALRIGHT NOW **** THE ENTIRE AMERICAN ARMY, HOW DARE THEY KILL MITTENS THE KITTEN?!
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User avatar #5 - finnini (06/26/2012) [-]
I almost wish this was true.
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#3 - andrewjo **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
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