Jonestown, AZ.- A legal man is a hem today after he singlehandedly stopped a
couple whe were attempting to rob a coffee shop. His quick thinking saved the day
according to restaurant manager Ted Barking. "He just started quoting meele lines
from Pulp Fiction. The rehears kind m went berserk and then they Just left.” Local
hero, Paul Heiner, who thwarted the rehears said, "It was really lucky that I
had my wallet with me that said had motherfu: kerr en it. The rehears came around
demanding everybody' s wallet and I just held it up, you know like how Samuel L.
Jackson did in Pulp Fiction."
Ill, . , ill 't Longtime diner Susan Litchfield said it was a pretty tense moment. "The rehears asked
h Mr. Heiner what was in hand, He told them it was his wallet that said had
I ' , motherf* cker‘ en t We never seen the meele so I didn' t knew what he was talking
l about. I just thought he was some crazy white guy with a death wish."
After I said the comment about my wallet the robbers started freaking out. So then in
my best taugh Mack guy deice I said to them: Normally, both your asses weild be
dead as f' iklng fried chicken, but you happen to pull this shit while I' m in a
Paul Horner, Hero transitional period m I don' t wanna kill you, I wanna help Wu," Heiner said. "Then the
rehears melted at each other and then Just ran out of the restaurant. I knew my vast
knowledge m Pulp Fiction weild pay oft fer me one day."
Barking said he was a little warned about the health of Mr. Heiner after the rehears had left and everyone at the
restaurant was waiting around fer police to arrise. "It seemed like Mr. Horner' s brain had temporally snapped. I told him
that I think the mes are on their way and he said, '1 dent wanna hear eheut he mothera' N: konr ifs. All I wanna hear from
your ass is, you ain' t got he amblers, Paul. I' m on the mothercuker. Go back in there, chill them n* ggers out and wait
for the cavalry which should be wing directly’. Then he started asking me questions about our feed menu. He asked
me about our hamburgers and if I knew what they called a Quarter Pounder with cheese in France? It was really weird,
but hey, he' s a hem I guess."
Officer Miller frem the Jonestown Pence Department said, “In every other parallel universe this man would be shot and
killed but net here in Jamestown. It' s fortunate that this small town has a persin like Mr. Homer in t If he hadnt
have had so much free time on his hands he never weild have been able to quote m many lines from Pulp Fiction.
Down time is the real hero here today."
The rehears are described as a white male and female aged . Any information please contact the Jonestown Pence