Worlds Funniest Jokes
According to a 1' usearch study at :// wwy, /))
An Assortment of
A woman told her friend:
For eighteen years my husband and I were the happiest people in the world!
Then we met."
A woman goes into a cafe with a duck. She puts the duck on a stool and sits next to it.
The waiter comes over and says: "Hey! That' s the ugliest pig that I have ever seen."
The woman says: "It' s a duck, not a pig." And the Waiter says:
I was talking to the duck."
Last night I made a Freudian slip,
I was having dinner with my and wanted to say:
Could you please pass the butter."
But instead I said: "You stupid cow, you' completely ruined my life"."
Two fish in a tank.
One turns to the other and says:
Do you know how to drive this?"
I said to the Gym instructor: "Can you teach me to do the splits?"
He said: "How flexible are you?"
I said: "I can' t make Tuesdays."
Two aerials met on a roof, fell in love and got married.
The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.
Top Joke in the UK
A woman gets on a bus with her baby.
The bus driver says: "That' s the ugliest baby that I' ever seen. Ugh!"
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.
She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off- go ahead, I' ll hold your monkey for you."
Joke Voted #2 In the World
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, and after finishing their dinner they go to
sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.
Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" exclaims Watson.
And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson ponders for a minute.
it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
Topologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
Methodologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are small and insignificant part of the
What does it tell you. Holmes?"
Watson, you idiot!" He exclaims, "Somebody' s stolen our tent!"
Joke Voted #1 In the World
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.
He doesn' t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?".
The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let' s make sure he' s dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
Thanks for reading, I tried to keep it short!