World's Funniest Jokes. Haven't seen these on here before, and most joke compilations are WAAAY too long.<br /> Hope you lol'd. Worlds Funniest Jokes Acco jokes compilation funny worlds funniest
Login or register

World's Funniest Jokes

World's Funniest Jokes. Haven't seen these on here before, and most joke compilations are WAAAY too long.<br /> Hope you lol'd. Worlds Funniest Jokes Acco

Haven't seen these on here before, and most joke compilations are WAAAY too long.<br />
Hope you lol'd

Worlds Funniest Jokes
According to a 1' usearch study at :// wwy, /))
An Assortment of
A woman told her friend:
For eighteen years my husband and I were the happiest people in the world!
Then we met."
A woman goes into a cafe with a duck. She puts the duck on a stool and sits next to it.
The waiter comes over and says: "Hey! That' s the ugliest pig that I have ever seen."
The woman says: "It' s a duck, not a pig." And the Waiter says:
I was talking to the duck."
Last night I made a Freudian slip,
I was having dinner with my and wanted to say:
Could you please pass the butter."
But instead I said: "You stupid cow, you' completely ruined my life"."
Two fish in a tank.
One turns to the other and says:
Do you know how to drive this?"
I said to the Gym instructor: "Can you teach me to do the splits?"
He said: "How flexible are you?"
I said: "I can' t make Tuesdays."
Two aerials met on a roof, fell in love and got married.
The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.
Top Joke in the UK
A woman gets on a bus with her baby.
The bus driver says: "That' s the ugliest baby that I' ever seen. Ugh!"
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.
She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off- go ahead, I' ll hold your monkey for you."
Joke Voted #2 In the World
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, and after finishing their dinner they go to
sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.
Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" exclaims Watson.
And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson ponders for a minute.
it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
Topologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
Methodologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are small and insignificant part of the
What does it tell you. Holmes?"
Watson, you idiot!" He exclaims, "Somebody' s stolen our tent!"
Joke Voted #1 In the World
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.
He doesn' t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?".
The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let' s make sure he' s dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
Thanks for reading, I tried to keep it short!
Views: 7982 Submitted: 04/24/2010
Hide Comments
Leave a comment Refresh Comments (10)
Anonymous comments allowed.
User avatar #1 - imjustapostman
Reply +4 123456789123345869
(04/24/2010) [-]
none of these made me laugh...
#2 to #1 - Gorlazz [OP]
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(04/24/2010) [-]
Wow, everyone I've shown these to has laughed at at least one of em

You must have a unique sense of humor
Care to post a joke you think is funny?
User avatar #10 to #2 - sniffle
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(04/25/2010) [-]
so a guy walks into a bar and says ouch
User avatar #3 - Kylarz
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(04/24/2010) [-]
Can I ask your source? The jokes aren't bad but... Number 1 and Number 2 in the world? :/ Seriously?
User avatar #4 to #3 - Kylarz
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(04/24/2010) [-]
Nevermind, didn't see the bit at the top...
User avatar #5 to #4 - Kylarz
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(04/24/2010) [-]
YaY! another reply to myself! just checked that site... 40,000 jokes and 1.5 million results... I'm sure I know about 40,000 jokes my damn self and I don't know every joke in the world.
Also... 1.5 million results... there are almost 7 BILLION people in the world this is not conclusive and there are so many better jokes out there :/
Maybe that's just me though.
#6 to #5 - Gorlazz [OP]
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(04/24/2010) [-]
Notice I said "World's funniest jokes according to a research study" not "Worlds funniest jokes according to every person on the planet ever".

Sometimes you gotta go with what you got. They (and I) aren't claiming that these jokes will be the funniest thing you've ever heard, just that these are the jokes that the greatest majority of people agree are funny.
So mostly that means that these are jokes that translate well across cultures, and appeal to a wide range of people.

If you've got some better jokes feel free to post em - I'm always up for a laugh.
User avatar #7 to #6 - Kylarz
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(04/24/2010) [-]
Ah to be fair, I just saw "World's Funniest Jokes" and scrolled down...
My Apologies for clogging up your post with dodgy comments ;)


A guy is driving up to his golf club in his rolls royce and he drives past a tramp.
When he parks up and gets out the car two tee's fall out of his pocket.
The tramp asks "What are those for?"
The man replies "They are for putting your balls on"
The tramp says "Christ, Rolls royce think of evertyhing!"
#8 to #7 - Gorlazz [OP]
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(04/24/2010) [-]
It's cool, no need to apologize.

Nice joke :)
User avatar #9 to #8 - Kylarz
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(04/24/2010) [-]
Thanks ;) just off the top of me head :P if any other decent ones come to me, I'll maybe make a second joke post and send ya a link :P
Got one joke post up but it's kinda lame, just **** jokes I though up on the spot haha.