>Be living in Fl, in a house with a pool
>All houses w/ pools in Fl have a pool cage to keep bugs, snakes, and occasionally gators out
>Shits only worked on gators
>Cage plagued with jewel spiders among other small ones, took care of most w/out incident
>Be hanging out with friend
>12:15 at nite, DMW about to start, dangerously low on supplies
>Decide re-supply at gas station
>Walk out of house, just exit archway that extends over door
>Feel something on my face, notice my friend isn't behind me
>Turn around, he's staring above me
>Look up
>Big-ass spider built a mother-fucking capitol on my doorstep
>Look closer, its guarding an egg-sack
>Not today
>Grab broom, spartan the fuck up
>Chuck it like a spear
>Hit dead center, between the sack and spider, bringing Aracni-tropolis crashing down
>Supply mission successful, caught DMW w/ minutes to spare
>I survived, broom as of yet to be recovered