Churchill Anecdotes. Five words are too many.. Funny Anecdotes At a public extent: Lady Nancy Astor: If I were your wife I would put poison in your coffee! Chur
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Churchill Anecdotes

Five words are too many.

Tags: Churchill
Funny
Anecdotes
At a public extent:
Lady Nancy Astor: If I were your wife I would put
poison in your coffee!
Churchill: And if I were your husband I would drink itl
Shortly before George Bernard Shaw' s 1913 may Pygmalion
received its first English performance at
His Majesty' s Theatre in London fort April It, 1914},
Shaw sent: the following telegram to Winston Churchill I
AM RESERVING one TICKETS FOR YOU FOR MY PREMIERE,
COME AND BRING A FRIEND - IF HAVE ONE.
Churchill sent this telegram to Shaw in reply ',
TC) BE PRESENT FOR THE FIRST PERFORMANCE,
WILL ATTEND THE SECOND - IF THERE IS ONE.
Bessie Braddock: Winston, you are drunk, and what' s more,
you are disgustingly drunk.
Churchill: Bessie, my dear, you are ugly, and what' s
more, you are disgustingly ugly.
But tomorrow I shell be sober and you will
still be disgustingly ugly.
Churchill with a young woman:
Churchill: Madam, would you sleep with me for
five million pounds?
Woman: My goodness, Mr. Churchill .r. Well, I suppose ...
we would have to discuss terms, of course MK.
Churchill: Would you sleep with me for five pounds?
Woman: Mr. Churchill, what kind of woman
do you think I am?!
Churchill: Madam, we' already established that.
Now we are haggling about the price.
In the Urinals of the House of Commons,
upon the entry of Clement Attica
Churchill moves to the far end of the room:
Attlee: My dear Winston, I hope that despite being
adversaries in the house, we could be
Friends outside of it.
Churchill: Ah Clement, I have no quarrel with you,
but in my experience, when you see something
that' s big and works well, you tend to want
to nationalise it.
There WILL be a part 2.
...
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Submitted: 05/07/2012
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#1 - oilyniller (05/07/2012) [+] (5 replies)
even badasser then hitler.
#41 - eruptinganus (05/08/2012) [+] (6 replies)
I hate to break it to churchill but he isn't exactly all that handsome either...
User avatar #50 to #41 - sorrowofdaedalus (05/08/2012) [-]
He doesn't have to be. Every guy has a certain ploy they can use to get women. Some are tough, others are bad-boys, a few are just plain handsome, and every once in a while you get the fat, ugly bastard that is just so self-confident and funny women hop on no matter what he looks like.
#6 - madeyegubbins (05/08/2012) [+] (8 replies)
One morning Churchill was woken by an aid who informed him ''Sir I am most awfully sorry to have to tell you this; but there has been a bit of a scandal, one of our back bench M.P.s was found with a guardsman in the bushes in st James park and the papers have got a hold of the story.''   
Churchill replied, ''last night?''   
''...well yes prime minister''   
''wasn't it cold?''   
the aid said ''actually yes Prime minister one of the coldest this year''   
He sat back in bed and said ''Makes you proud to be British doesn't it?''
One morning Churchill was woken by an aid who informed him ''Sir I am most awfully sorry to have to tell you this; but there has been a bit of a scandal, one of our back bench M.P.s was found with a guardsman in the bushes in st James park and the papers have got a hold of the story.''
Churchill replied, ''last night?''
''...well yes prime minister''
''wasn't it cold?''
the aid said ''actually yes Prime minister one of the coldest this year''
He sat back in bed and said ''Makes you proud to be British doesn't it?''

#114 - skumbaner (05/08/2012) [+] (4 replies)
#96 - rmoran (05/08/2012) [-]
Churchill: Will you sleep with me for..
Me: YES
#111 - MGK (05/08/2012) [-]
#127 - phonerstonerboner (05/08/2012) [+] (1 reply)
Churchill was half British, half american and when ever he had a comeback like this or he became aggressive he would always say "I guess my American side showed up."   
   
The more you know!
Churchill was half British, half american and when ever he had a comeback like this or he became aggressive he would always say "I guess my American side showed up."

The more you know!
#68 - slikmonkey (05/08/2012) [-]
Women to Churchill's butler
Woman: I need to speak to Mr. Churchill
Butler goes to fetch him and comes back: I'm sorry, Mr. Churchill is in the bathroom
Woman: I need to speak with him NOW!
Butler goes back up and comes back down: Mr. Churchill says that he can deal with only one insolent **** at a time.
#3 - thatguyyoumightno (05/08/2012) [-]
he was probably still drunk the next day anyway...
#82 - JaxieConners (05/08/2012) [-]
Don't act like you're not impressed.
#133 - makemebaconsammich (05/08/2012) [-]
Madam, all babies look like me
+14
#7 - rajkonineteen **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [+] (1 reply)
#124 - offspring (05/08/2012) [+] (5 replies)
Winston Churchill + Teddy Roosevelt > GOD.
#23 - twatmissile (05/08/2012) [+] (3 replies)
wasnt there a post just like this yesterday about badass things churchhill said?
#99 - tippidyt (05/08/2012) [-]
The word married in Danish is called gift, which is also the danish word for poison.
#43 - pavichokche (05/08/2012) [-]
Yeah? Well you're stupid cunt.
0
#77 - cerealisticbeing **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [+] (1 reply)
+7
#78 to #77 - cerealisticbeing **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
#89 - sovietbearyeah (05/08/2012) [-]
I personally prefer Joseph Stalins quote more when told that the pope did not support him. "how many divisions does the pope have?"
#4 - derblastermaster (05/08/2012) [-]
That last one...wow
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