Hey Sarah. how are you doing?":
Tm great. John. What about you?"
I' m doing okay. Say... I was wondering "
seeing as it' s Saturday HEBREW .
whether you' d like to go out and we a
On, sorry. I can' t tomorrow’ the and my boyfriend
are going out for dinner.‘ l
U! “rep! You know Jason from school‘? We started
going out in few days ago He' s a only Bunny my to
bundles. looking lonely. I was and of down. too. so I
wt! prettyer to tak to him- we just sort of nicked.‘
You were unhappy?"
t "Yeah. I guess.‘
You courd' talked to the about it. it
you wanted always here to listen y
l “I know. and thanks. That means tot.‘
Sarah. I might as well my this now‘ you
I sit up at night. we were mama.
because . notsomuch twirl to
hold you when you' re tinsel and I want us to
altars the rest of our lives together. because
when m, with you. I feels like will
be may the always been has kw you, Sarah,
me, istead opting to go out with these
who never listen to you and will
betray your trust. I' been right Iron‘! cl you,
and I Just wish you' d give rho a chance to make
Yeah. That' s right. You always wore. Back then. and to this very day, you
were there fer me. Always at your computer. ready to provide a virtual hug and
a virtual smite wath your lovely B grade English. You sit. watch and wait as I
apparently inflict these countless dickheaded guys on myself. sit the while
expecting me to turn around alter the last guy and say ‘John. its you I should
have fallen in love with all alonge". After which, we get together and I hold your
hand through all of the movie theaters and sunny beaches and sleepovers that
you never got to experience like the rest of us at fourteen years of age.
because you still don' t have the gumption to do new what you didn' t have the
go mation to do then- You' re dull, John. You' re boring. and you' re boring
because while these shitheads were getting outside and into the sun, making
mistakes and experiencing the wonders of youth. you were in your room.
learning about every facet of your favourite RPG, pretending to understand
arguments about and politics to appear smart and creating dreadful,
dreadful heartbroken poetry, trying to convince yourself that knowledge is
better than wisdom. It isn' t. John. and the only reason I would go out with
anybody who spent so much time learning about ancient conflicts that don' t
matter anymore is if they were ta' dident and cheerful. or if they were great in
bed, things that I suspect you know nothing about. These guys know that we
girls need excitement, variation, caddies. arguments and not to just trundle
along for the rest of our lives with sortie submissive coward telling us that
we' re great because having to listen to the same sappy sweet talk over and
over again is boring. I like it when I fight with my boyfriends. It shows that they
erect afraid to voice their true opinions about me, unlike guy a who tells one
I' m interesting and cute when he really thinks I' m neurotic and not intelligent
enough to pick up on his true Intention of having sex with me When he wants
and than trying to have deep. meaningful conversations with one to maintain
the fictitious image he has of his sensitive. caring side. Girls want to be with
arseholes because they are savage and . and in many cases this
means that they are impulsive, full of energy and strong. as opposed to pale
skinned. calculating, "intellectual" men who. when push comes to shove,
wouldn' t know excitement if It hit them in the face. I' d go so far as to say that
your rejection " or lack " of your mate instincts will stem population growth. as
more and more shy guys try to became intelligent by studying a wide range of
information that is largely supplied and accepted by previous social
instead of following their primal instincts of becoming grown men.
impregnating women and thus contributing to the continuation of the human
race. I' m sorry ill consider the hare of our species to be more Important than
your pathetic lust for a pure. innocent virgin, but quite frankly. the only thing
that your introversion says to me is that you are wing to appear timid. shy and
misunderstood. when in reality. your reflectance to take some control over your
life and your tendency to whine and feign depression when things don' t go
your way makes me think of you as nothing more than a
selfish, cowardly prick"
Uh. hello Sarah, it' s been so long since
I last saw you! How are you?"
How' s Jason?"
Welt. he seemed great-.
when he left me El years
ago-.- with his baby-"
Uh. you have a kid now? That' s
great to hear! I have a E year old
daughter.. and my wife and I are
expecting a boy around April-" "Raising a child by myself
has been tough. and you
were my best friend since
high school.. I lost touch
with almost everybody else I
knew, so I haven' t had
Oh? You were facing tough times
huh? You know.,. you could always
have come to me for -''
Several times! You really let me
down when I needed you most., "
Let me finish, please.
You could always have come to me for anything, when we
were friends. But as I recall.. I was iust a selfish, cowardly
prick.. who was too concerned with watching you make
mistakes and acting the Vitim as a timid guy in a society where
the real contributors are exciting men like Jason.. who
I tried contacting you!
contribute to the world' s population and whatnot by getting
women pregnant and then leaving them after they' had their
So when push came to shove. Jason ran away and left you flat
on your back to fend for yourself. Meanwhile. I had no idea
what excitement was.,. so when I met a beautiful.. caring woman
who fell in love with me and committed myself to her, I ended
up with a happy and successful life like a pathetic worm
Uh. I' m sorry that was wrong. Jason had you flat on your back
first, then when it got you pregnant he ran, my mistake."
Also, I invested wisely throughout the years.,. so I am
new vastly wealthy.. I' m so good in bed that I actually
MADE my wife a nymphomaniac. and frankly.. if you
miserable bitch you were back them I might have
been stupid enough to have given YOU my undying
love and devotion.. and had to share with you my
financial prosperity and sexual prowess with you.
So I' m glad things worked out between us- What with
you having been the exciting. adventurous.. and
apparently woman you were.,. and me
being the selfish, cowardly prick."