I I J. I "--, Does anyone have an extra, oh, say thousand dollars
laying around they would like to give me?
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1 Eur lieu: Iknow where you can get the money, but you' re going to
have to follow my directions very carefully:
First off, you need to buy a purple parakeet. Don' t ask me why, just get
Now, you' ll need to drive to Ault and find a man named Hobart. We' ll
know its him because he' s always wearing a pinstripe suit. Tell Robert
The rain in Uganda tastes like badger feet." He will give you a suitcase.
Take this suitcase to a the nearest gas station and pour gas all over the
suitcase. Light it on fire. After exactly 1 minute and 36 seconds of burning,
put out the fire with 1/ 8 Splash. There should be a message on the
suitcase written in Russian. Take a picture of this message before it
disappears, you' ll need l later.
Now go find a cargo box that could fit about 5 medium sized goats inside
it. After successfully finding this box, make a package label for 1529
St in Prague, in the Czech Republic. Package yourself and the
suitcase inside the box, Make sure to include enough food and restroom
facilities inside as well. From the box, call UPS and tell them to pick up the
Now you will have a journey of about 4 days while you and the suitcase
are delivered to the Czech Republic. During this time you should compose
a limerick about beans. You' ll understand why soon.
Upon your arrival in the Czech Republic, the box will be opened by a small
Irishman. You are to punch him in the face and kick his left knee. After the
small Irishman is immobilized, tie him up and interrogate him until he tells
you were Billy the Toe is. Dace you have obtained this information, follow
the small Irishman' s directions to Billy the Toe.
When you find Billy the Fig, you should pull out your limerick and recite it
to him. Ofthe limerick is good enough, Billy the Toe will give you a bronze
statue of Michael Bolton. Upon receiving this gift, you should slap Billy the
Toe and run. He will chase you so make sure you know where you' re
After successfully escaping Billy the Toe, go to the airport and take a flight
to Mumbai, India. Upon arriving in the Mumbai airport, scream "You may
take our lives, but you' ll never take our freedom!" in a scottish accent.
Security should arrest you and take you to a green room. Th this room,
you will tell the guards to stroke the hair on the michael bolton statue.
Hold your breathe immediately. The statue should spray a toxic gas that
will immobilize all the guards. Unlock you handcuffs and undress one of
the guards and put his uniform on. Go back into the airport and
commandeer a security car. Take this car to the nearest beach and drive
it into the ocean. Undoubtedly there will be a purple bearded man
watching you. Give this man the suitcase and tell him he smells of foot.
Leave the beach and return to the airport. There should be a large woman
dressed like a pinata at the counter with large suitcase. Without attracting
attention, sneak into her suitcase. You will go through security and be
packaged onto a plane. You should arrive somewhere in Central Russia.
Upon arriving in Russia, the suitcase will be opened by a one eyed man
named Dmitri. Tell Dmitri you have Vodka for him if he helps you. He will
take you to his cottage. Dace you have intoxicated Dmitri, give him the
picture of the suitcase and ask him to read it. He will say it is the location
of a large amount of money. Write down this information and go find a
local butcher and buy a goat. Now take a train to Moscow. In Moscow,
you' ll need to go to the Red Square. Sacrifice the goat in the Red Square
and go to the airport. Take a flight home. Upon arriving at home, you
should search for the money with the information given to you by Dmitri.
The money should be buried within at least 50 yards of your current
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