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LMFAO. I laughed for like 5 minutes. then i masturbated.
Tags: i love you
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Remaining character count: 2000
comments(331)
#327 -
TashnaBakninh (02/14/2012) [-] OMFG. I did NOT expect this many toenail clippings. It's like, I stopped trying and BAM. THIS IS THE HAPPIEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE!
#325 -
theninjakai (02/14/2012) [-] It's like as she gets older, her boobs don't sag, they get further apart...
I mean, look at it, its a real turn off.
I mean, look at it, its a real turn off.
#312 -
bunnybitchtits (02/14/2012) [-] She needs a bra. Badly. Also, a camisole. She should be able to afford this stuff! She looks like a hussy like this! D:
#280 -
elvishound (02/14/2012) [-] oh...so boobs aren't suppose to be like that...*hides chest form world*
#239 -
jondoessmuk ONLINE (02/14/2012) [-] Prophecies. My grandma was always as crazy as they come when it came to prophecies. She was really into Nostradamus and fortune tellers.
A couple of weeks back, I drove home to see my grandparents. It's about a 4 hour drive, but my grandma isn't doing so well and I'm not sure if she'll be around much longer.
The drive is always mind numbing. Endless miles through seemingly abandoned countryside. I listen to music and comedic podcasts, laughing to myself in order to stay awake and keep alert. I've also made it a habit of visiting several convenience stores along the way.
There's a small "mom-and-pop" convenience store in a small town off the interstate. They have good coffee and are always friendly. Annoyingly, they play sickeningly saccharine Christian radio over the loudspeaker and, for some reason, the owner saw fit to employ a bunch of Russian girls there. I'm not even sure where they came from. This area isn't exactly culturally diverse.
There's something surreal about driving for miles with no one around, pulling into a small convenience store and seeing a ton of beautiful young Russian girls smiling at you while some stupid fuck sings homosexually about Jesus over an intercom.
A couple of weeks back, I drove home to see my grandparents. It's about a 4 hour drive, but my grandma isn't doing so well and I'm not sure if she'll be around much longer.
The drive is always mind numbing. Endless miles through seemingly abandoned countryside. I listen to music and comedic podcasts, laughing to myself in order to stay awake and keep alert. I've also made it a habit of visiting several convenience stores along the way.
There's a small "mom-and-pop" convenience store in a small town off the interstate. They have good coffee and are always friendly. Annoyingly, they play sickeningly saccharine Christian radio over the loudspeaker and, for some reason, the owner saw fit to employ a bunch of Russian girls there. I'm not even sure where they came from. This area isn't exactly culturally diverse.
There's something surreal about driving for miles with no one around, pulling into a small convenience store and seeing a ton of beautiful young Russian girls smiling at you while some stupid fuck sings homosexually about Jesus over an intercom.
#241 to #239 -
jondoessmuk ONLINE (02/14/2012) [-] On this occasion, I pulled up to the store with anticipation. At 7 am, I could really use a good cup of coffee and a couple of beautiful girls smiling at me.
I open the door and the familiar ring of the entrance bell announces my arrival. Vasilisa, the oldest of these magnificent creatures, greets me from behind the counter with a genial smile, her luminous blue eyes still bleary from her recent slumber.
"Favor?" She says. I'm not exactly sure what she wants. "Sure, what can I do?"
She steps from behind the registers. She's naked from the waist down. Her huge mound of matted, unkempt pubic hair is the only thing that draws my attention from the fact that she has a long string dangling from her vagina.
"Tampon. Ples help." Goddammit. I'm oddly aroused, my dick pressing against my pants zipper as if to say yes, go forth and conquer this exotic crimson vagina.
Pleadingly, she looks at me. "Pull."
I open the door and the familiar ring of the entrance bell announces my arrival. Vasilisa, the oldest of these magnificent creatures, greets me from behind the counter with a genial smile, her luminous blue eyes still bleary from her recent slumber.
"Favor?" She says. I'm not exactly sure what she wants. "Sure, what can I do?"
She steps from behind the registers. She's naked from the waist down. Her huge mound of matted, unkempt pubic hair is the only thing that draws my attention from the fact that she has a long string dangling from her vagina.
"Tampon. Ples help." Goddammit. I'm oddly aroused, my dick pressing against my pants zipper as if to say yes, go forth and conquer this exotic crimson vagina.
Pleadingly, she looks at me. "Pull."
#243 to #241 -
jondoessmuk ONLINE (02/14/2012) [-] So I pull the string. Gently. It won't budge. More firmly. Still stuck. Harder still. It's as if her vagina were a vice grip. How tight was this bitch? I certainly had to find out. I pull with all the strength I can muster and, with a cacophonous SLURP, the tampon breaks free. Blood gushes from her vagina like a fountain.
Horrified, she screams. I have to do something. I throw her to the floor and put my dick in her ensanguined vagina. God is it fucking tight. I fuck the hell out of her, hoping I can cum right as she loses consciousness or dies. With each plunge of my fuck hammer, satisfying wet slurpy blood queefs exit her fuckhole. She's turning pale, eyes rolling back. I am so fucking close.
Then, she's out cold. I feel for a pulse. Dead. Her vaginal muscles relax and her bowels evacuate the remaining feculence that they held back. I can't cum. She's not tight.
So I pull my dick out, remove the blood clot stuck in my urethra, and press into her begrimed virginal asshole. I enter easily. Much nicer. Her liquid shit provides plenty of lubrication. Her little balloon knot swallowing my cock repeatedly is beautiful. I reach over and hold her lifeless hand. AT&T. Reach out and touch someone.
Horrified, she screams. I have to do something. I throw her to the floor and put my dick in her ensanguined vagina. God is it fucking tight. I fuck the hell out of her, hoping I can cum right as she loses consciousness or dies. With each plunge of my fuck hammer, satisfying wet slurpy blood queefs exit her fuckhole. She's turning pale, eyes rolling back. I am so fucking close.
Then, she's out cold. I feel for a pulse. Dead. Her vaginal muscles relax and her bowels evacuate the remaining feculence that they held back. I can't cum. She's not tight.
So I pull my dick out, remove the blood clot stuck in my urethra, and press into her begrimed virginal asshole. I enter easily. Much nicer. Her liquid shit provides plenty of lubrication. Her little balloon knot swallowing my cock repeatedly is beautiful. I reach over and hold her lifeless hand. AT&T. Reach out and touch someone.
#256 to #243 -
pyrointheface (02/14/2012) [-] I hear somebody behind me. I look. It's the police. They are pointing their guns at me. I make a run for it. They shoot. I feel the bullet pierce my flesh. I fall to the ground, hard. The officer runs over to me. He lifts my head. I tell him "I need..." He realizes this is my last request. "What do you need, boy?" he asks. And I tell him.
"I need about tree fiddy"
"I need about tree fiddy"
