Tard Stories 21 (22 in Desc.)

>In 5th Grade
>Playing tag with friends
>Tard joins in
>Tard gets tagged
>Stays silent for about a minute
>Suddenly screams tard battlecry
>All the tards come at us
>Running for lives
>Army of tards screaming
>Get to dead end balcony
>Tards right behind us
>We jump off
>Get out of the way
>Tards all jump off
>Hail of tards in the sky
>Take cover as they hit the ground
>Friends and I quietly go back to class
>Never speak about tard war again

I like these posts so I'm gonna retoast mine
>10th grade
>autistic kid named brian sat in the back of health class
>Slurred his words in somewhat broken english
>borderline illterate
>He had a habit of doing ANYTHING you told him (groping girls, punching teachers, shrieking racial slurs in the middle of class)
>this got him into a shit load of fights (some of them are on youtube but most of them were taken down)
>Big problem: He never got punished for all the shit he did
>Even bigger problem: He had NO TARD WRANGLER
>His anger was extremely volitile but he had an odd sense of humor
>i.e. he somehow obtained my cell number and texted me pictures of various shits he took for weeks
>Final project due in Health and he was assigned the digestive system
>we had to do it in presentations
>He got up in front of the class and explained how poop was made

>Be four months ago.
>It's football (the American kind) season
>Tard is sitting on the sidelines with his tard wrangler because he wants to know what a practice is like
>Note that this kid is like goddamned Tardzilla, he's like 6'2" and 230 lbs
>surewhynot.jpg
>We're in the middle of running a play when I hear the most ungodly fucking terrifying noise I've ever heard in my life
>Tardzilla is screaming at the top of his lungs and fucking charging me
>I'm pretty much the biggest guy on the team so I don't think anything bad can come of it, so I just brace for impact
>Tardzilla runs over his wrangler (who is pretty big himself) to get to me
>I'vemadeahugemistake.jpg
>Tardzilla fucking tackles the everloving shit out of me.
>He's sitting on top of me, grabbing my facemask and shaking my helmet around, and chanting in the ancient forbidden tongues of Tardthulhu.
>I'm fucking scared out of my mind
>His wrangler and some of my teammates pull him off and help me up.
>Tardzilla is still screaming and flailing around
>Everyone stands there for a good thirty seconds
>I scream "WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?!"
>Tardzilla just starts fucking crying
>The next day, I'm called into the principal's office
>Tardzilla is there with his wrangler, along with one of the coaches
>My fucking face when I have to apologize for swearing in front of him after he tackles me

>Be in 10th grade
>School has tard gym class mixed in with mine
>Fucking huge-ass tards, about 7 or 8 of them
>Gym class, we're playing volleyball
>Tards playing on one end of gym, my class on the other
>Not the best at this game, I accidentally hit the ball wrong
>Goes flying toward tards
>Hits biggest one in head
>whathaveidone.jpeg
>Tard screams war cry in Tardese
>Tard guard hears him, goes to calm him down
>Tard goes apeshit, screams in Tardese
>Tard guard tried to calm the beast
>Says something about him not getting a sticker for this period
>She has unleashed the inner Tard warrior within tard
>Tard fucking kicks the tard guard in the stomach with the force of 1000 suns
>Other tards start going apeshit
>One tard grabs a volleyball, chucks it at her tard guard
>First tard turns into Tardicus, Thu'ums something in the ancient tongue of the Tardians
>Security arrives, tries to restrain Tardicus
>Tardicus- GRAWGHEUPFFTARUGHH
>Must be some sort of tard cry for help, another tard goes to help Tardicus

>9th grade pe
>just shooting hoops with my friends when this tard comes up to us
>doesnt say anything, just stares
>walk to other side of gym, try to ditch tard
>tard notices, runs after us
>oh god, we all start sprinting away
>tard lets out battle cry and sprints with all his tard speed
>tackles my friend to the ground with the force of a god damn freight train
>dont look back, just keep running

Dude these never get old. Fuck the frontpage, this is where the funny shit is at!

>be 6th grade
>7th grade tard walking behind me
>I think nothing of it.
>Tard then Proceeds to slide his hand down my ass crack like a credit card machine
>Avoid tards at all costs since then.

one does not simply dislike these posts... I DEMAND MOAR!!!

>Be me after reading tons of tard stories
>Going to the bathroom
>Walk in and see local tard drop his pants down to his ankles and expose his bare ass to take a piss in the urinal
>NOPE.jpg
> Immediately turn around and walk the fuck out before some crazy shit goes down.

This happened to me at school on Friday. I'm never using a public bathroom again.

>8th Grade
>Lunch Time
>Walking with really hot girl I've liked since 6th Grade
>She's laughing at all my jokes
>Tard comes out of nowhere and starts hitting on her
>I politely tell him to back off
>He doesn't
>Starts calling her "tha sexciist thing" he's ever seen
>She is obviously very uncomfortable so I tell him he really needs to fuck off
>Starts hugging her and says to me "whatchu guna do about it gay boy"
>I push him off of her
>He tries to get tough and pulls up his fists like he's gonna hit me
>Throws a swing at me but misses and hits the girl
>I whoop his ass
>He gets 100 day suspension and I get 2 days of in-house
>Girl and I start dating
How the fuck am I going to explain to everyone that we're dating because I beat the shit out of a tard.

>Be in Year 8 (7th grade)
>Just after lunch tard girl asks to change tampon.
>Teacher is slightly embarassed, lets tard go.
>Tard comes back ten minutes later with Period Sauce Soaked Tampon in hand
>Trys to give teacher hug with tampon still in hand.
>Teacher tells tard to go to Special ED office. (Their "time out" place)
>Tard flips her shit, swings tampon by string and cries.
> Trying to supress laughter at 60 year old teacher getting flinged with drops of period blood.

>Be in 10th grade
>Tard is at bus stop
>Bus stops after the stop sign instead of before, she normally goes before
>Tard won't have this
>Tard THU'UMS and I mean yells, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"
>It's about 6:20 in the morning, multiple lights go on and doors open all looking for the source of the Thu'um
>Tard is furious, he punches bus driver in the face, and goes "WHAT THE FUCK I SHOULD KILL YOU LIKE A melon muncher Ron Paul hater BITCH"
>Tard sits down, bus driver goes"wut"
>10 minutes later, Tard says "AUTOBOTS TRANSFROM" and starts crawling around on the floor of the bus, like a slug
>Best day ever, the school started selling name-brand lemonade for a dollar

>Physics class
>Tard has a pacemaker
>Kids tell tard that magnets can make him strong
>Tard puts magnet next to heart
>Has epileptic seizure
>mfw

>read these posts
> feel bad
> still LOL

>8th grade
>At Lunch Detention because I said melon muncher
>Alone at the Table of Shame except for a tard who kind of chooses to sit there everyday
>He lays on the lunch bench Rose from Titanic style, eating his sandwich
>I'm not eating anything, just kind of waiting for lunch to end.
>He Magikarps his way closer to me
>I can't leave the table
>I scoot as far away as humanly possible
>He persists, puts his head on my lap and tells me he loves me
>I get up and tell supervisor I'm being harassed
>He pretty much says "tough shit" and I have to sit there anyways
>I sit back down on the very edge
>He stares into my soul while eating his goldfish crackers
>My friends notice me
>They all mouth, "Are you okay?"
>I give them the I-Just-Got-Raped stare
>Their faces when

So there's this down syndrome kid from the special education class called Byron. He smiles at me a lot and keeps mistaking me for someone I don't know called Ben. So here's the story.
>In School bathroom at lunch time.
>two Douchebag bullies I hate come in. One is called Sam the other called Daniel
>they corner me and start giving me shit
>I'm too passive and weak to fight back
>when I try and leave they push me back
>they keep giving me a hard time and won't let me leave
>feels really fucking bad
>suddenly Byron comes in
>he watches the bullying for about half a minute
>Sam calls him a spaz and tells him to piss off
>Byron leaves
>bullying continues
>I try and leave again but Sam pushes my head against the wall and gets right in my face
>Suddenly Byron and about 7 other mentally retarded kids appear behind them
>Daniel says "Piss off you retard Ron Paul hatergots"
>Byrons face goes red and he bursts into tears
>he screams inaudibly at them
>other tards get riled up
>Daniels gives Sam a nervous glance who just pushes Byron in the chest
>Byron cracks it and starts swinging fists at Sam
>army of tards charge

>be first day in high school
>just bought some motherfuckin' skittles from the canteen, no big deal
>just sitting at a bench enjoying my skittles
>tard comes up and asks for some
>i kindly say no
>he loses his shit and starts swinging at anything he can see
>kicks hole in vending machine
>he throws this necklace he was wearing at someone
>says sorry and asks for some skittles
MFW

These are really funny. Keep making them!

>In year 5
>Tard named Ryan in my group who has regular outbreaks
>Sits behind me
>Leans fowards and wispers to me "Our teacher is a cow"
>Expects me to laugh
>I don't
>He starts to throw one of his super powered tard fits
>OHFUCKINGSHITTHEBEASTHASAWOKEN.jpeg
>Carer notices and tells teacher and us to leave
>We all go into to the hall
>10 teachers enter the beasts domain
>2 hours later it is safe to enter
>Chairs are broken, the computer is destroyed, tables are flipped and the tard has written swear words all over the room
>Me and my friends look at each other
>Piss ourselves with laughter
>Tard is know as The Destroyer from then on

This one isn't funny but it's about my lil autistic bro and it made me feelish
>derping on webs
>lil bro comes and ask me to play mario
>i asked him to go play with my mom
>he grabbed my chair rolled me into the living room then positioned a wiimote in my hand

These are absolutely hilarious.

>Be in 10th grade, going to lunch (from 2nd floor)
>Share lunch period with tard class
>Tard caravan stomping and wailing behind me
>Tard in electric wheelchair saying hi to everyone who walks by
>12th grader doesn't say it back
>Tard lets out unholy wail of Hades
>Zooms off down the hall, half of tards follow him, screeching in Tardese
>Wheelchair tard dives out of wheelchair onto stairs
>Rolls down, autistic tard follows him
>MFW two tards crying at bottom of stairs