Tard Stories 16 (17 in Desc.)

>At my local library
>See play group of tards with their wranglers. (tards roughly 17 years old)
>Go to take a shit in the bathroom
>*SLAM* four or five of the tards walk in
>They make a shit load of noise amongst themselves
>One of them keeps doing little farts
>He see's my legs under the stall door and yells BOY! BOY! BOY! over and over
>They all run over and start banging on my stall door and screaming
>Feel the blood leave my face in shock and fear
>See multiple sets of eyes and drooling mouths pressed against crack in door.
>One of them starts crawling under the door
>Another lifts himself chest height above the door but can't get his legs over
>A third climbs on the toilet in the stall next to mine and starts waving his hands just above my head. making gurgling noises
>Wranglers burst in and briskly take the tards out
>I sat in silence for a few seconds then began sobbing uncontrollably
>To this day I still wonder in dread what they planned on doing with me

>Be 17
>Live with a retarded step sister
>Dad and Step-Mother decide to leave her here with my half brother and my sister.
>Tard decides it's okay to start swearing
>Ends up sounding worse than the damn tourettes guy.
>Half brother tells her to shut up
>Ohshitfuck.jpg
>She kicks (with her boots on) my half brother (Who is 8) in the chest.
>Retard starts shouting like the queen of a gorilla pack
>My brother isn't breathing.
>I call my father and they rush home
>In the meantime, I drag my brother into the living room. He begins to breathe, but just barely.
>Dad and Step-Mom gets home.
>Step-Mom whips the living shit out of the tard.
>Half-Brother and I smile at each other, knowing justice is served as her howling echoes through the house.
>Tard walks back in and starts breaking shit in the kitchen
>She runs at my brother in the living room looking like a goddamned huge ass freight train
>I push her out of the way and she lands on the couch.
>I get grounded for a week.
>Little brother comes up and hugs me and tells me he loves me.
>MFW

>Visiting park in Lancashire with my Dad.
>we are walking along, enjoying the wild life and stuff
>suddenly hear a "cooccookablakh-arlalalalagable"
>my dad assumes it is some rare kind of bird from his childhood, because he always use to come here as a kid
>he starts trying to do bird calls
>As he keeps imitating the noises the bird gets loader and loader as if its getting closer
>woman with tard child on a leash walk past, glaring at my dad, the tard child is happy as fuck
>mfw

>Freshmen year at high school
>Sitting with friends at lunch table
>a tard comes up to us and asks for money for charity or some shit
>all i have on me is 25 cents
>tard takes it and starts screaming in tardese
>begins to take shirt off and starts dry-humping popular girl
>teachers begin to swarm the screaming, half-naked tard
> tard punches one of the teachers out cold
>everyone in the cafeteria is staring at the tard
> tard bolts for the door and runs outside
>everyone follows to see what will happen
>tard gets totally naked and throws air-punches at anyone who gets near
>cops eventually come and take tard home
>MFW this happened because I gave him 25 cents

>Be in 11th grade
>In a business class with a tard name Chris
>He isn't full tard so no wrangler
>Project presentation day
>He brought in his laptop
>Teacher calls him up to present
>He walks up to front of class and plugs his laptop into the projector
>He has one of those wireless USB plugins so he's not on the schools network
>As soon as the projector displays his laptop all the girls in my class scream
>Hardcore anal porn is playing full blast through teachers speakers
>mfw me and my buddy are the only ones laughing hysterically

>be 9
>watching tard in class do his weird habits and stuff
suddenly puts his finger down his pants
>on the ass side
>takes his finger out
>smells it and licks it
>looks at me with his empty stare
>OHSHITI'VEBEENSPOTED.jpg
>whispers "coooorn"

>In thrift store, looking for vinyl
>Tard from when I was in highschool is wandering around
>Try to avoid
>Tard is like an ape with no neck
>Crazy huge lumbering beast
>Notice he's wearing a Transformer's shirt
>I'm wearing mine
>Ohshitohshit
>Tard corners me, thrusts hand out towards my chest
>DEVAAAAASTATORRRRRRRRRRR
>I'm ready to die
>We proceed to have a conversation about how awesome Transformers are
>I leave store happier
>Good time by all

-home schooled till grade 4
-Join public school
-Think it's gonna be like the tv show Recess
-First day
-Teacher pairs me up with tard to make friends
-Tard doesn't talk back
-Tard stares into my eyes
-I look away
-Tard gets up
-Tard looks in my eyes
-I am frozen from fear
-Tard leans into my ear
-"Join us"
-Tard grabs onto my chair
-Tard flips me
-My neck smashes into table
-Paralyzed
-Put into special class for the disable
-Filled with tards
-I am now tard

>be in highschool at lunchtime.
>sitting in the middle of the lunchroom.
>hear a loud buzzing sound followed by retard laughter.
>ignore it.
>hear it again.
>ignore it.
>turn around right as it's happening again.
>see retard convulsing as he falls out of his chair flailing wildly.
>there is a fucking metal knife in the electric socket.
>teachers come running as the wall starts lighting up.
>the socket catches fire making a crazy loud buzzing sound.
>people start running.
>one of the teachers runs over and drags the retard away.
>kid at my table gets up runs to the wall opposite the retard and grabs a fire extinguisher.
>runs across the room and puts out the fire.
>spend the rest of the day wishing I could have been the one to use the fire extinguisher.

>Go to weinersnitchel with my uncle bro and step sister.
>Look at my uncle and decide to act retarded
>walk in with stepsister holding hand
>Uncle plays it cool about having a tard nephew
>Finally ask me what I want
>In my best tard voice yell "CHILLE CHEESE DAWG, CHILLE CHEESE DAWG"
>Uncle tells sister to take me to the bench
>Sitting there still yelling "CHILLE CHEESE DAWG
>People in there trying not to stare
>Funny as fuck still keep the ruse up
> Finally get shit after 10 minutes
>walk out of weinersnitchel and fucking trip
>spill my drink
> Lady working there rushes out there with a new drink hands it to me and asks if im ok.
>Uncle says Im fine and tells me to say thank you
>Get back to car
>Laugh our fucking asses off for a good 30 minutes and eat our CHILLE CHEESE DAWGS

>In lunch Period
>Talking with friends after eating
>Get punched in the shoulder
>Tard hit me, screams "YOU'RE IT"
>Tard runs into bathroom
>Next day, see tard at lunch again
>Play along after being egged on by friends, tag him back
>Tard looks at me with the fear of god in his eyes
>At the top of his lungs, sprints down the hall screaming OUT OF THE WAY, OUT OF THE WAY
>Everyone standing in our commons area looks at us
>Dying of laughter
>Next Day
>Tard sees me from across the lunch area
>Starts sprinting at me
>Expect to get tagged or hit lightly
>Tard tackles me
>Tard stands up, looking down at me
>Has two lazy eyes
>Friend says: "If you don't move, he can't see you."
>Laughing our asses off as tard takes off again, with a handler chasing him down

>every wednesday on my bus home from college(UK) there is a large group of tards
>one day something interesting happens
>full double decker bus, me and tards on top deck
>fat as fuck tard who cant talk without shouting asking dumbass questions repeatedly
>minder begins to ignore him after answering the same questions loads
>tard enters rage mode
>screams the question again, everyone looks round
>minder tells him off thinking it will shut him up
>NOPE.jpg
>tard flips his shit, stands up and punches tard girl next to him, pig screech ensues
>defending the girl another tard bashes fat trard over the head with a lunchbox
>thismeans war
>screams from passengers erupt as chaos breaks out
>at least 10 tards literally trying to kill each other
>all you can see is fists flying, biting, scratching one tard even headbutted a girl tard
>bus pulls over and driver comes up and loses it
>notasinglefuckwasgiven by the tards
>in the excitment some of them began pissing themselves and crying
>by this point most people were off the bus, all you could hear was tard screaming
>police turned up and took them all away, minders looking really embarrassed
>we had to wait for a new bus because our one was covered in piss and blood
>mfw

>8th grade
>in lunch
>see tard walk over to trash can
>he has a new piece of pizza in his hand
>rips off all of the cheese
>throws it in trash
>looks at the pizza he has left
>throws it in trash
>walks away

>Be in grade 7
>Class is doing special community service in some tard center
>We read stories to tards
>I am reading story to like 6 tards at the same time
>One tard stands up and asks "doo you now the storee of thuh horned horn?'
>Too skeptical to respond
>Think about it for a moment
>Say no
>Tard shouts "LEMME TEL YU IT"
>Pushes me off bean bag that I was reading to them in
>Begins chanting the long lost songs of the tardese shamans
>Other tards start listening keenly
>Soon enough every tard in the room is piled around him
>Turns out there is a song in the story
>Every tard starts singing song with the intensity of a thousand combined Thu'ms
>Me and friends start laughing like fucking crazy
>Tards stop singing and stare at us
>We stop lauughing
>fuckmylife.avi
>Slowly leave the room
I never went back there. Ever

>2nd grade
>playing that "parachute game" in gym
>tard is in our class
>everyone goes under the parachute
>Tard runs to the center of parachute and gets naked.
>everyone is freaking out
>runs out from under the parachute and pushes his way past horrified gym teacher
>sprints down the hall into nearest classroom
>teacher runs after him
>we here things crashing in the next room
>gym teacher and art teacher pulling retard out of art room, fully naked
>kids are screaming
>tard passes out
>school lets out
>funniest day ever

>Be high school freshman
>Take bus to school, creepy senior tard on bus
>always gives me weird looks, sits behind me everyday
>fall asleep on buss wake up, feel something tugging on hair
>turn around tard has half my hair in his mouth
>I yell WTF
>tard stares into my soul then cuts off chunk of my hair
>sticks it in his pants
>tard-aid on bus does nothing
>Still WTF to this day

Year 2010
>Working in summer camp
>One tard amongst the group of normal derpy kids
>Tards singing waving flag by K'naan
>Listen to what she's singing
>"Wen I geet oolda I weel bee younga"
>lol uncontrollably