New Testament
God: Hey Jews,
Jews: Hey.
God: So listen, guys, I' m thinking we go in a different direction with
this whole religeon,
Jews: What?
God: You know, do a reboot. Same God taste, new God packaging..
That sort of thing.
Jews: We don' t follow.
God: Okay, werk with me here, guys, Remember the whole "angry God" thing?
Jews: Vividly.
God: Where I killed a whole bunch of we and-
Jews: Yeah.
God: And forty years in the-
Jews: We remember that.
God: Not to mention . Yikes.
Jews: Wait, what?
God: Whoops, forget I said that. "Spoiler Alert," am I right?
Jews: MK.
God: Anyway, we' re going to remark this whole "God" thing. For example,
is big these days in .
God: For example, I' m super chill now, fer some reasen.
Plus there' s a heaven, Oh, and this is Jesus. He' s my son,
and he' s God too, er something, It' s complicated, ?
Jesus: Yo.
Jews: I think we' ll stick with the old we here.
God: Look, I love the brand leaky, Jews, I really do.
But this whail "God" thing isn' t aiming to the right demographics.
Jesus is a hip, young God, you know, for the whale "ND." generations.
Jesus: Surfs up, dudes]
God: Ha, that Jesus, What a character, right?
This is wing to play huge in Heme...
Jews: This... gaes against everything yau' ye mar told us.
God: No it doesn' t, just shut up. Also, Jesus, yeu' re geing to die,
Jesus: What? I thought I was your sen! Gr Gad. Or both!
God: Look, this is just complicated, okay Jesus?
Besides, you tatally return when you fight the Devil.
Jews: Who?
God: Right, he' s another new character. He' s like an all God.
Plot twist, right? We' re arch enemies,
Jesus: Why would mu make Your awn ? That' s really stupid.
God: Shut up, Jesus, And what would you know? We' re made of bread and wine.
Jesus: What? Why?
God: , alright? New testaments aren' t cheap,
Jews: I' m serry, this is just way tea different,
Is this year er something?
God: Of course not. This is the lagical progression of Judaism which I
planned all alang. Like when I made all those references ta a Jame
Jews: Tau made, like, five.
God: Well, they were all about Jesus. Foreshadowing. Um, I guess, So there.
Jews: Couldn' t yea have been clearer then?
God: I work in mysterious ways, okay? Look, just W with it guys.
I worked really hard an this, And come an, we totally ewe me
far the whole "creation" thing anyway.
pause)
Most Jews: Well, I guess we could.
God: Awesomee "Most Jews," aka "New Christians"-
heew Christians: We' re what now?
God: You want regret this guys. I have the whole thing planned perfectly.
Holy Ghost:
New Christians: MK.
God: We' re going ta love it.
Jews: Hey.
God: So listen, guys, I' m thinking we go in a different direction with
this whole religeon,
Jews: What?
God: You know, do a reboot. Same God taste, new God packaging..
That sort of thing.
Jews: We don' t follow.
God: Okay, werk with me here, guys, Remember the whole "angry God" thing?
Jews: Vividly.
God: Where I killed a whole bunch of we and-
Jews: Yeah.
God: And forty years in the-
Jews: We remember that.
God: Not to mention . Yikes.
Jews: Wait, what?
God: Whoops, forget I said that. "Spoiler Alert," am I right?
Jews: MK.
God: Anyway, we' re going to remark this whole "God" thing. For example,
is big these days in .
God: For example, I' m super chill now, fer some reasen.
Plus there' s a heaven, Oh, and this is Jesus. He' s my son,
and he' s God too, er something, It' s complicated, ?
Jesus: Yo.
Jews: I think we' ll stick with the old we here.
God: Look, I love the brand leaky, Jews, I really do.
But this whail "God" thing isn' t aiming to the right demographics.
Jesus is a hip, young God, you know, for the whale "ND." generations.
Jesus: Surfs up, dudes]
God: Ha, that Jesus, What a character, right?
This is wing to play huge in Heme...
Jews: This... gaes against everything yau' ye mar told us.
God: No it doesn' t, just shut up. Also, Jesus, yeu' re geing to die,
Jesus: What? I thought I was your sen! Gr Gad. Or both!
God: Look, this is just complicated, okay Jesus?
Besides, you tatally return when you fight the Devil.
Jews: Who?
God: Right, he' s another new character. He' s like an all God.
Plot twist, right? We' re arch enemies,
Jesus: Why would mu make Your awn ? That' s really stupid.
God: Shut up, Jesus, And what would you know? We' re made of bread and wine.
Jesus: What? Why?
God: , alright? New testaments aren' t cheap,
Jews: I' m serry, this is just way tea different,
Is this year er something?
God: Of course not. This is the lagical progression of Judaism which I
planned all alang. Like when I made all those references ta a Jame
Jews: Tau made, like, five.
God: Well, they were all about Jesus. Foreshadowing. Um, I guess, So there.
Jews: Couldn' t yea have been clearer then?
God: I work in mysterious ways, okay? Look, just W with it guys.
I worked really hard an this, And come an, we totally ewe me
far the whole "creation" thing anyway.
pause)
Most Jews: Well, I guess we could.
God: Awesomee "Most Jews," aka "New Christians"-
heew Christians: We' re what now?
God: You want regret this guys. I have the whole thing planned perfectly.
Holy Ghost:
New Christians: MK.
God: We' re going ta love it.
...
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