Top 100 one-liners (21-40)
If sex is a pain in the ass, then you' re doing it wrong...
A bus station is where a bus steps. A train station is where a
train steps. [In my desk, I have a work station..
If you think nobody cares if you' re alive, try missing a couple of
Ifa out of S people BUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that
one enjoys it?
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and
remove all doubt.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many
Fighting for peace is like making for virginity.
Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but
you can' t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
whole box to start a campfire'?
I thought I wanted a career, turns out Must wanted paychecks.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a
laxative on the same night.
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks
of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of
the pool and throw them fish?
I didn' t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that
you don' t need it.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me
at kick boxing.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it... so I said
Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an
emergency, rootin:" I put "DOCTOR". What' s my mother going to
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the
street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four
billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?