Top 100 one-liners (1-20)
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn' t work that way. So
I stole a bike and asked for .
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and
beat you with experience.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not
screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it' s still on the list.
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear
bright until you hear them speak.
If I agreed with you we' d both be wrong.
Going to church doesn' t make you a Christian any more than
standing in a garage makes you a car.
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him
without an erection, make him a sandwich.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don' t have a good partner,
you' d better have a good hand.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it
in a fruit salad.
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to
walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to
sit down and shuttup.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should
both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a .
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening‘, and then
proceed to tell you why it isn' t.