Fat Ben Made Poop explained
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My name is Benjamin, and ever since Iwas abaut ‘In years old we been obese. The kids at my school LOWE to hate me - calling me all kinds
renames. such as Captain Chunk. Lame. Hogzilla, and, of course... "Fat Ben".
Fat Ben" was the one that stuck, and unfortunately is the ene that hurts the most as the inclusion of my name renders it personal. I mean. ANY
e' theweight douche could be called something unoriginal like "fat ass", but "fat BEN" -we. ll, that could only referee me. Hearing that, I could no
longer pretend that these merciless bullies were taunting anyine otherthan myself.
So anyway. ene day in middle school, a particularly nasty kid (Jake, Ithink his name was), slipped seme into my diet coke at Clinch. Yeah.
it' s fucked up, isnt it? I mean. what did he THINK was going to happen? Butt digress. Yes, the inevitable occurred: I shit my pants.
get to the bathroom. Believe me, I did. But being 300 pounds at age ‘ sen offenders enes' ability to sprint. Iwas a good hundredfold er SC) from the
restroom when it happened.
And dial mention there was a group of kids following me trom the cafeteria. laughing at my vain attempt to reach the toilet? Yup, they saw it all. Athest. their reaction was
we of disgust. Then, laughter. Then, came the taunts. which quickly escalated into a chant:
FAT BANDADE POOP! FAT BANDADE POOP! FAT BANDADE POOP!"
In retrospect. its obvious how immature these bullies were. Using the verb "made" in reference to expelling waste sounds mere like something a five yearsold would
say than a middle school kid. But reasen. that was what stuck. And believe me, not a day went by when seme asshole didnt remind me that I. Fat Ben.
So please. Funnyjunk. stop spreading the hate. I cemo here for laughs. not to be reminded ofthis unfortunate incident from my past. Thanks. and keep