100 chuck norris facts. . 100 CHUCK NORRIS FACTS CHUCK NORRIS DOESN' T CHEAT DEATH, HE WINS FAIR AND SQUARE. CHUCK NORRIS COUNTED TO INFINITY TWICE, CHUCK NORRI
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100 chuck norris facts

100
CHUCK NORRIS
FACTS
CHUCK NORRIS
DOESN' T CHEAT
DEATH, HE WINS FAIR
AND SQUARE.
CHUCK NORRIS
COUNTED TO INFINITY
TWICE,
CHUCK NORRIS ONCE
VISITED THE VIRGIN
ISLANDS, THEY ARE
NOW THE ISLANDS,
LEADING HAND
SANITIZERS CLAIM
THEY CAN KILL 99. 9
PERCENT OF GERMS.
CHUCK NORRIS CAN
KILL 100 PERCENT OF
WHATEVER THE ****
HE WANTS,
SOME KIDS PISS
THEIR NAME IN THE
SNOW, CHUCK NORRIS
CAN PISS HIS NAME
INTO CONCRETE,
CHUCK NORRIS CAN
SPEAK BRAILLE.
ONCE, WHILE HAVING
SEX IN A
PART OF CHUCK
NORRIS' SPERM
ESCAPED AND GOT
INTO THE ENGINE. WE
NOW KNOW THIS TRUCK
AS OPTIMUS PRIME.
CHUCK NORRIS' TEARS
CURE CANCER, Too
BAD HE HAS NEVER
CRIED.
CHUCK NORRIS DOES
NOT SLEEP, HE
WAITS.
CHUCK NORRIS'
CALENDAR GOES
STRAIGHT FROM MARCH
TO APRIL GND;
NO ONE FOOLS CHUCK
NORRIS.
THEY' RE MAKING A
SEQUEL TO 300
STARRING CHUCK
NORRIS. ITS CALLED
IN HIS WILL. CHUCK
NORRIS HAS
SPECIFIED THAT IF
HE DIES. HE WILL
BURY HIMSELF.
CHUCK NORRIS PUTS
THE "LAUGHTER" IN
CHUCK NORRIS ONCE
NON A GAME OF
CONNECT FOUR IN 5
MOVES.
CHUCK NORRIS CAN
DELETE THE
RECYCLING BIN,
CHUCK NORRIS'
ROUNDHOUSE KICK IS
AN OPTICAL
ILLUSION. Hrs RIGHT
FOOT DOESN' T SWING
AROUND AND HIT YOUR
HEAD, HIS LEFT FOOT
SPINS THE EARTH SO
THAT YOUR HEAD HITS
HIS FOOT,
CHUCK NORRIS OWNS
THE GREATEST POKER
FACE OF ALLANIME.
Ir HELPED HIM WIN
THE 1983
SERIES OF POKER
DESPITE HIM HOLDING
JUST A JOKER, A GET
OUT OF JAIL FREE
MONOPOLY CARD, A 2
OF CLUBS, T OF
SPADES AND A GREEN
I/ do CARD mom THE
GAME UNO.
CHUCK NORRIS RUNS
WINDOWS VISTA ON
WHEN THE BOOGEYMAN
GOES TO SLEEP EVERY
NIGHT HE CHECKS HIS
CLOSET FOR CHUCK
NORRIS.
ON A HIGH SCHOOL
MATH TEST, CHUCK
NORRIS PUT DOWN
VIOLENCE" AS EVERY
ONE OF THE ANSWERS,
HE GOT AN ON THE
TEST BECAUSE CHUCK
NORRIS SOLVES ALL
HIS PROBLEMS WITH
VIOLENCE,
CHUCK NORRIS CAN DO
A WHEELIE ON A
UNICYCLE.
ONCE A COBRA BIT
CHUCK NORRIS' LEG.
AFTER FIVE DAYS OF
EXCRUCIATING PAIN,
THE COBRA DIED.
CHUCK NORRIS CAN
SQUEEZE ORANGE
JUICE OUT OF A
LEMON
IF YOU SPELL CHUCK
NORRIS WRONG ON
GOOGLE IT DOESN' T
SAY, "DID YOU MEAN
CHUCK NORRIS?" Ir
SIMPLY REPLIES.
RUN WHILE YOU
STILL HAVE THE
CHANCE."
CHUCK NORRIS DIED
TEN YEARS AGO, BUT
THE GRIM REAPER
CAN' T GET UP THE
COURAGE TO TELL
HIM.
IF IT LOOKS LIKE
CHICKEN, TASTES
LIKE CHICKEN, AND
FEELS LIKE CHICKEN
BUT CHUCK NORRIS
SAYS ITS BEEF, THEN
IT' S ******* BEEF,
CHUCK NORRIS CAN
HAVE BOTH FEET ON
THE GROUND AND KICK
ASS AT THE SAME
TIME
CHUCK NORRIS CAN
SLAM REVOLVING
DOORS,
CHUCK NORRIS WAS
ORIGINALLY CAST AS
THE MAIN CHARACTER
IN 24, BUT WAS
REPLACED BY THE
PRODUCERS WHEN HE
MANAGED TO KILL
EVERY TERRORIST AND
SAVE THE DAY IN 12
MINUTES AND 37
SECONDS.
GIRAFFES WERE
CREATED WHEN CHUCK
NORRIS UPPERCUTTED
A HORSE,
CHUCK NORRIS DOES
NOT HUNT BECAUSE
THE WORD HUNTING
IMPLIES THE
POSSIBILITY OF
FAILURE, CHUCK
NORRIS GOES
KILLING,
SUPERMAN OWNS A
PAIR OF CHUCK
NORRIS PAJAMAS.
CHUCK NORRIS
DOESN' T READ BOOKS,
HE STARES THEN DOWN
UNTIL HE GETS THE
INFORMATION HE
WANTS.
CHUCK NORRIS CAN
KILL TWO STONES
WITH ONE BIRD,
DEATH ONCE HAD A
EXPERIENCE.
CHUCK NORRIS SLEEPS
WITH A NIGHT LIGHT.
NOT BECAUSE CHUCK
NORRIS IS AFRAID OF
THE DARK, BUT THE
DARK IS AFRAID OF
CHUCK NORRIS
CHUCK NORRIS
SECRETLY SLEEPS
WITH EVERY WOMAN IN
THE WORLD ONCE A
MONTH. THEY BLEED
FOR A WEEK AS A
RESULT,
WHEN CHUCK NORRIS
GIVES YOU THE
FINGER. HE' S
TELLING YOU HOW
MANY SECONDS YOU
HAVE LEFT TO LIVE,
CHUCK NORRIS SOLD
HIS SOUL TO THE
DEVIL FOR HIS
RUGGED GOOD LOOKS
AND UNPARALLELED
MARTIAL ARTS
ABILITY. SHORTLY
AFTER THE
TRANSACTION WAS
FINALIZED. CHUCK
ROUNDHOUSE KICKED
THE DEVIL IN THE
FACE AND TOOK HIS
SOUL BACK, THE
DEVIL, WHO
APPRECIATES IRONY,
COULDN' T STAY MAD
AND ADMITTED HE
SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT
COMING. THEY NOW
PLAY POKER EVERY
SECOND WEDNESDAY OF
THE MONTH.
CHUCK NORRIS' DOG
IS TRAINED TO PICK
UP HIS OWN POOP
BECAUSE CHUCK
NORRIS WILL NOT
TAKE **** FROM
ANYONE,
CHUCK NORRIS CAN
PLAY THE VIOLIN
WITH A PIANO
IF YOU PLAY LED
ZEPPELIN' S
STAIRWAY TO
HEAVEN" BACKWARDS.
YOU WILL HEAR CHUCK
NORRIS BANGING YOUR
SISTER,
BILL GATES LIVES IN
CONSTANT FEAR THAT
CHUCK NORRIS' PC
WILL CRASH,
CHUCK NORRIS WAS
ONCE ON CELEBRITY
WHEEL OF FORTUNE
AND WAS THE FIRST
TO SPIN, THE NEXT
29 MINUTES OF THE
SHOW CONSISTED OF
EVERYONE STANDING
AROUND AWKWARDLY.
WAITING FOR THE
WHEEL TO STOP,
CHUCK NORRIS
DOESN' T HAVE HAIR
ON HIS TESTICLES.
BECAUSE HAIR DOES
NOT GROW ON STEEL,
CHUCK NORRIS CAN
STRANGLE YOU WITH A
CORDLESS PHONE,
GHOSTS ARE ACTUALLY
CAUSED BY CHUCK
NORRIS KILLING
PEOPLE FASTER THAN
DEATH CAN PROCESS
THEM.
CHUCK NORRIS IS THE
ONLY PERSON ON THE
PLANET THAT CAN
KICK YOU IN THE
BACK OF THE FACE,
CHUCK NORRIS IS
ALWAYS ON TOP
DURING SEX BECAUSE
CHUCK NORRIS NEVER
***** UP.
CHUCK NORRIS WAS
ONCE CHARGED WITH
THREE ATTEMPTED
MURDERED IN BOULDER
COUNTY, BUT THE
JUDGE QUICKLY
DROPPED THE CHARGES
BECAUSE CHUCK
NORRIS DOES NOT
ATTEMPT" MURDER.
CHUCK NORRIS
DOESN' T POP HIS
COLLAR, HIS SHIRTS
JUST GET ERECTIONS
WHEN THEY TOUCH HIS
BODY,
THE BEST PART OF
WAKING UP IS NOT
FOLGERS IN YOUR
COP, BUT KNOWING
THAT CHUCK NORRIS
DIDN' T KILL YOU IN
YOUR SLEEP,
THE ONLY THING THAT
GETS BETWEEN CHUCK
NORRIS AND JUSTICE
IS AN EQUAL SIGN.
M. C. HAMMER LEARNED
THE HARD WAY THAT
CHUCK NORRIS CAN
TOUCH THIS,
CHUCK NORRIS CAN
BUILD A SNOWMAN OUT
OF RAIN,
CHUCK NORRIS HAS TO
MAINTAIN A
CONCEALED WEAPON
LICENSE IN ALL 50
STATES IN ORDER TO
LEGALLY WEAR PANTS,
CHUCK NORRIS NEVER
RETREATS. HE JUST
ATTACKS IN THE
OPPOSITE DIRECTION,
CHUCK NORRIS ONCE
PUNCHED A MAN IN
THE SOUL,
CHUCK NORRIS EATS
THE CORE OF AN
APPLE FIRST,
THE REASON NEWBORN
BABIES CRY IS
BECAUSE THEY KNOW
THEY HAVE JUST
ENTERED A WORLD
WITH CHUCK NORRIS.
CHUCK NORRIS CAN
DROWN A FISH,
CHUCK NORRIS PLAYS
RUSSIAN ROULETTE
WITH A FULLY LODED
REVOLVER,,, AND
IN 1991, CHUCK
NORRIS SHOT A 14 ON
AN 18 HOLE GOLF
COURSE, FALLING
SHORT OF HIS
PERSONAL BEST BY 2
STROKES,
THE ONLY TIME CHUCK
NORRIS WAS WRONG
WAS WHEN HE THOUGHT
HE HAD MADE A
MISTAKE.
CHAMPIONS ARE THE
BREAKFAST OF CHUCK
NORRIS.
WHEN GOD SAID. "LET
THERE BE LIGHT".
CHUCK NORRIS SAID.
SAY PLEASE."
WHEN CHUCK NORRIS
ENTERS A ROOM. HE
DOESN' T TURN THE
LIGHTS ON, HE TURNS
THE DARK OFF,
WHEN CHUCK NORRIS
LOOKS IN A MIRROR
THE MIRROR
SHATTERS, BECAUSE
NOT EVEN GLASS IS
STUPID ENOUGH TO
GET IN BETWEEN
CHUCK NORRIS AND
CHUCK NORRIS.
CHUCK NORRIS CAN
MAKE A PARAPLEGIC
RUN FOR HIS LIFE,
CHUCK NORRIS IS NOT
HUNG LIKE A
HORSE,,, HORSES ARE
HUNG LIKE CHUCK
NORRIS
Ir IS CONSIDERED A
GREAT
ACCOMPLISHMENT TO
GO DOWN NIAGARA
FALLS IN A WOODEN
BARREL, CHUCK
NORRIS CAN GO UP
NIAGARA FALLS IN A
CARDBOARD BOX,
CHUCK NORRIS ONCE
HAD A HEART ATTACK;
HIS HEART LOST,
JACK WAS NIMBLE.
JACK WAS QUICK. BUT
JACK STILL COULDN' T
DODGE CHUCK NORRIS'
ROUNDHOUSE KICK.
CHUCK NORRIS ONCE
BOWLED A 500,
WITHOUT A BALL, HE
WASN' T EVEN IN A
BOWLING ALLEY,
CHUCK NORRIS IS
1/ TTH CHEROKEE.
THIS HAS NOTHING TO
WITH ANCESTRY,
THE MAN ATE A
******* INDIAN.
THE LAST DIGIT OF
pr IS CHUCK NORRIS.
HE IS THE END OF
ALL THINGS.
ROSA PARKS REFUSED
TO GET OUT OF HER
SEAT BECAUSE SHE
WAS SAVING IT FOR
CHUCK NORRIS.
CHUCK NORRIS
DOESN' T NEED A
MIRACLE IN ORDER TO
SPLIT THE OCEAN, HE
JUST WALKS IN AND
THE WATER GETS THE
**** OUT OF THE
WAY.
A HANDICAP PARKING
SIGN DOES NOT
SIGNIFY THAT THIS
SPOT IS FOR
HANDICAPPED PEOPLE,
Ir IS ACTUALLY IN
FACT A WARNING.
THAT THE SPOT
BELONGS TO CHUCK
NORRIS AND THAT YOU
WILL BE HANDICAPPED
IF YOU PARK THERE,
he, T ONCE DEFEATED
CHUCK NORRIS IN A
GAME OF
TICKTACKTOE. IN
RETALIATION. CHUCK
NORRIS INVENTED
RACISM.
BRETT FAVRE CAN
THROW A FOOTBALL
OVER 50 YARDS,
CHUCK NORRIS CAN
THROW BRETT FAVRE
EVEN FURTHER,
CHUCK NORRIS
DOESN' T USE PICKUP
LINES, HE SIMPLY
CHUCK NORRIS LIKES
TO KNIT SWEATERS IN
HIS FREE TIME. AND
BY "KNIT", I MEAN
KICK" AND BY
SWEATERS". I MEAN
BABIES",
CHUCK NORRIS CAN
CREATE A ROCK SO
HEAVY THAT EVEN HE
CAN' T LIFT IT, AND
THEN HE LIFTS IT
ANYWAYS, JUST TO
SHOW YOU WHO THE
**** CHUCK NORRIS
PINATAS WERE MADE
IN AN ATTEMPT TO
GET CHUCK NORRIS TO
STOP KICKING THE
PEOPLE OF MEXICO.
SADLY THIS
BACKFIRED. AS ALL
IT HAS RESULTED IN
IS CHUCK NORRIS NOW
LOOKING FOR CANDY
AFTER HE KICKS HIS
VICTIMS.
CHUCK NORRIS IS THE
ONLY PERSON THAT
CAN PUNCH A CYCLOPS
BETWEEN THE EYE,
THE CHIEF EXPORT OF
CHUCK NORRIS IS
PAIN,
THE QUICKEST WAY TO
A MAN' S HEART IS
WITH CHUCK NORRIS' S
FIST,
CHUCK NORRIS
DOESN' T PLAY
PLAYS
CHUCK NORRIS CAN
TIE HIS SHOES WITH
HIS FEET,
CHUCK NORRIS IS
CURRENTLY IN A
LEGAL BATTLE WITH
THE MAKERS OF
BUBBLE TAPE, NORRIS
CLAIMS "6 FEET OF
FUN" IS ACTUALLY
THE TRADEMARK FOR
HIS PENIS,
CHUCK NORRIS USED
TO BEAT THE ****
OUT OF HIS SHADOW
BECAUSE IT WAS
FOLLOWING TO CLOSE,
Ir NOW STANDS A
SAFE 30 FEET BEHIND
HIM.
THE SADDEST MOMENT
FOR A CHILD IS NOT
WHEN HE LEARNS
SANTA CLAUS ISN' T
REAL, IT' S WHEN HE
LEARNS CHUCK NORRIS
CHUCK NORRIS IS
CURRENTLY SUING
NBC. CLAIMING LAW
AND ORDER ARE
TRADEMARKED NAMES
FOR HIS LEFT AND
RIGHT LEGS.
A ROGUE SQUIRREL
ONCE CHALLENGED
CHUCK NORRIS TO A
NUT HUNT AROUND THE
PARK, BEFORE
BEGINNING, CHUCK
SIMPLY DROPPED HIS
PANTS, INSTANTLY
KILLING THE
SQUIRREL AND 3
SMALL CHILDREN.
CHUCK KNOWS YOU
CAN' T FIND BIGGER.
BETTER NUTS THAN
THAT,
CHUCK NORRIS CANNOT
PREDICT THE FUTURE;
THE FUTURE JUST
BETTER ******* DO
WHAT CHUCK NORRIS
SAYS,
CHUCK NORRIS ONCE
HAD AN ERECTION
WHILE LYING FACE
DOWN AND STRUCK
OIL.
BEFORE CHUCK NORRIS
WAS BORN, THE
MARTIAL ARTS
WEAPONS WITH TWO
PIECES OF WOOD
CONNECTED BY A
CHAIN WERE CALLED
NO ONE
EVER DID FIND OUT
WHAT HAPPENED TO
BARRY,
IF YOU CAN SEE
CHUCK NORRIS. HE
CAN SEE YOU. IF YOU
CAN' T SEE CHUCK
NORRIS YOU MAY BE
ONLY SECONDS AWAY
FROM DEATH,
UPON HEARING THAT
HIS GOOD FRIEND,
LANCE ARMSTRONG.
LOST HIS TESTICLES
TO CANCER, CHUCK
NORRIS DONATED ONE
OF HIS TO LANCE,
WITH JUST ONE OF
CHUCK' S NUTS, LANCE
WAS ABLE TO WIN THE
TOUR DE FRANCE
SEVEN TIMES. BY THE
WAY, CHUCK STILL
HAS TWO TESTICLES;
EITHER HE WAS ABLE
TO PRODUCE A NEW
ONE SIMPLY BY
FLEXING. OR HE HAD
THREE TO BEGIN
WITH, NO ONE KNOWS
FOR SURE,
BY CRUNX
mum APROVES or THIS POST
Chuck Nouns
Yawn BETTER no THE sang)
...
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User avatar #1 - canthegreat (06/15/2011) [-]
Chuck Norris' portrait in the Smithsonian museum is never shown since it killed 12 people.
User avatar #2 - clear (06/15/2011) [-]
Chuck Norris can lock someone inside a Motorcycle.
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