when I was 17 my girlfriend at the time was finally ready to have sex.
I, as one might expect of a 17 year old, was excited. Neither hell nor
high water was going to stand between me and my final destination.
Inget ready for the night, trim everything up, shower extra well.
U obdurately there was also an issue. I ave a disorder
that sometimes cause my shit to become large and quite solid while
still inside me. I wasn' t aware it was a treatable problem and, in
fact, just thought everyone had to deal with the equivalent of anal
kidney stones. I bring this up because I had a mighty one which had
been orded into the gun for several days.
Let me set the scene. Her parents are away. we have her house to
ourselves. she was always a little kinky so she demands we do it in
her parents bed.
I walk in to a candle holocaust. She' s been working on this all day
apparenty , and its as bright as high noon in there with the lights
o . whic is good, because she proceeds to do a sweet, sexy little
dance for me. At 16, she was AMAZING. For those of you who never
experienced a female at that age, I pity the fool.
Now I' m sitting on the bed, watching this dance. I smile and tell her
how ood she looks. unfortunately, most of my attention is focused on
the ull throbbing from ( sphincter and the lar e amount of intestinal
discomfort associated wit not dropping duce in ays. But somehow I still
get hard and we go to town.
she starts out on top, then we switch. I bend her over the bed, and I
even smack her ass (a ballsy move at the time, but she loved it). Due to
my built up distraction, I ast for what seems like Foxcock. She can' t
stop moaning and telling me how good it feels and she says what every man
wants to hear.
So she goes down on me. She was alwa s average at best in the head
department but at least she tried. S e stops long enough to look up at me
and say "tell me if you like this". Then I feel it.
she stuck her finger up my ass.
My brain hits the panic switch and every muscle in my entire body locks
up tighter than a three year old virgin. But its too late.
I take a massive, PAINFUL, PAINFUL shit, all over her parents comforter.
No, you aren' t understanding. I mean large. Huge. IMMENSE. Take your
largest shit and multiple it by and you' ll have an idea of
what flew out of me.
And gents, when I say flew, I don' t mean “I poo ed." I mean “projectile”.
I mean "hurricane force winds hitting an imbred a stand". And due to my
condition, it comes out as a large, dark brown, smelly harpoon.
I know it hit her. I didn' t see it. she ran screaming
DH MY Goo (" but I always imagined that, due
to her position, it hit her right in the chin. or at least the tits.
I would like to say I got u to go after her. But I heard the bathroom
door shut and I just lied t ere. The smell hit me after a few seconds. It
smelled like someone rolled a cat in shit and threw it into a tire fire. I
looked down and saw, to date, the largest bowel movement I' ever heard of
laying on the bed. Then I noticed the blood, and when I did, I noticed the pain.
Apparently the fact that it was so large caused it to rip my ass a little bit
t ought I was bleeding from the inside. This little doctors trip the next day
is what taught me of my condition). There was a small pool of blood where my ass
had been. A final reminder of the exact place and moment I lost my virginity. I
will treasure this memory for all my days.
I grab my shit with my hands and go to the downstairs bathroom. I throw around
I/ into the toilet and flush, fearing any more will clog it and only add to my
already significant woes.
I stand there, holding 2/ 3' s of my biggest shit of all time, feeling a trickle of
blood flow down my leg, tryin to i nore the sharp pain stabbing my rectum. I
find myself wishing I had a p to o this.
Anyway, I finish flushing my bab , clean off my hands, jam toilet paper between
my cheeks Cr skipped the and went upstairs. I could hear my girlfriend
sobbing from behind the bathroom door. I decided not to anythin to her and
just keep moving. The smell in her parents room was athsma . Its e when
take a s it and walk out of the bat room you think "hey not so bad today,”
then you walk back in to grab your magazine and go "HOLY SHIT!". It was one of
The scene is burned behind eyelids for all time. My life. My shame. My very
first time smelled like a pi e of dead babies. I goic got dressed since the
heat from ten thousand candles was making the room feel more like a .
I was aware enough to grab the comforter on my way out and drag it downstairs to
their washer. also the top and bottom sheets since the blood had leaked on through
all the way to the mattress. Still no sign of the but at this point I considered
it a blessing.
I jammed in the washer with 3 loads worth of detergent and set it on spin, knowing
that not even the hand of God would save these linens, let alone Tide and Snuggles.
Then I left. I avoided my SF' s calls for days until she came to my house. we had a
long talk about what happened. Talk being synonymous with "breaking up with me
because I shit on her". And it was all over. She promised not to tell a soul and I
don' t THINK she ever did. She was probably as ashamed as I was about the whole deed.
But I will always remember this happening as the most embarrassing thing that has ever
happened to me."