Its worth reading trust me. dunno. when I was 17 my girlfriend at the time was finally ready to have sex. I, as one might expect of a 17 year nld, was excited.
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Its worth reading trust me

dunno

when I was 17 my girlfriend at the time was finally ready to have sex.
I, as one might expect of a 17 year nld, was excited. Neither hell nor
high water was going tn stand between me and my final destination.
Inget ready for the night, trim everything up, shower extra well.
U there was alan an issue. I ave a disorder
that sometimes cause my **** to become large and quite salid while
still inside me. I wasn' t aware it was a treatable prablem and, in
fact, just thought everyone had to deal with the equivalent of anal
kidney stones. I bring this up because I had a mighty nne which had
been naded into the gun for several days.
Let me set the scene. Her parents are away. we have her house to
ourselves. she was always a little kinky she demands we do it in
her parents bed.
I walk in to a candle haulocaust. she' s been working this all day
apparenty , and its as bright as high noon in there with the lights
n . whic is good, because she proceeds tn do a sweet, sexy little
dance for me. At 16, she was AMAZING. For those of you whn never
experienced a female at that age, I pity the funl.
Now I' m sitting the bed, watching this dance. I smile and tell her
how nnd she links. Unfortunately, mast of my attention is focused
the ull throbbing from ( sphincter and the lar e amount of intestinal
discomfort associated wit not dropping duce in ays. But somehow I still
get hard and we go tn knwn.
she starts out top, then we switch. I bend her nver the bed, and I
even smack her ass (a ballsy mave at the time, but she laved it). Due to
my built up distracting, I ast for what seems like . she can' t
stop moaning and telling me how good it feels and she says what every man
wants to hear.
so she Ynes down me. she was alwa s average at best in the head
department but at least she tried. 5 e stops long enough to look up at me
and say "tell me if You like this". Then I feel it.
she stuck her finger up my ass.
My brain hits the panic switch and every muscle in my entire body locks
up tighter than a three year nld virgin. But its dnn late.
I take a massive, PAINFUL, PAINFUL **** , all nver her parents comforter.
No, you aren' t understanding. I mean large. Huge. IMMENSE. Take your
largest **** and multiple it by and ynu' ll have an idea of
what flew out of me.
And gents, when I say flew, I don' t mean “I poo ed." I mean "projectile".
I mean "hurricane force winds hitting an imbred a stand". And due tn my
condition, it comes out as a large, dark brown, smelly happenn.
I know it hit her. I didn' t see it. she ran screaming
DH MY EDD (" but I always imagined that, due
tn her position, it hit her right in the chin. Dr at least the tits.
I wiuld like to say I gnt u to go after her. But I heard the bathromm
door shut and I just lied t ere. The smell hit me after a few seconds. It
smelled like sameone rilled a cat in **** and threw it into a tire fire. I
looked down and saw, to date, the largest bowel movement I' ever heard of
laying the bed. Then I noticed the bland, and when I did, I noticed the pain.
Apparently the fact that it was large caused it tn rip my ass a little bit
t ought I was bleeding fram the inside. This little doctors trip the next day
is what taught me of my condition). There was a small pool of bland where my ass
had been. A final reminder of the exact place and moment I last my virginity. I
will treasure this memery for all my days.
I grab my **** with my hands and go tn the downstairs bathroom. I throw around
I/ into the toilet and flush, fearing any mare will clnk it and only add tn my
already significant Ynes.
I stand there, helding 2/ 3' s of my biggest **** of all time, feeling a trickle of
bland flaw down my leg, tryin to i nare the sharp pain stabbing my rectum. I
find myself wishing I had a p tn n this.
Anyway, I finish flushing my bab , clean off my hands, jam toilet paper between
my cheeks Cr skipped the bandaids and went upstairs. I could hear my girlfriend
sobbing fram behind the bathromm door. I decided nnt tn anythin tn her and
just keep miving. The smell in her parents rknm was athsma . Its e when nu
take a s it and walk out of the bat rknm you think "hey not bad today,"
then You walk back in to grab Your magazine and go "HOLY **** !". It was nne of
those moments.
The scene is burned behind eyelids far all time. My life. My shame. My very
first time smelled like a pi e of dead babies. I goic got dressed since the
heat from ten thousand candles was making the rknm feel more like a .
I was aware enough to grab the comforter my way nut and drag it downstairs to
their washer. Alan the top and bottom sheets since the bland had leaked through
all the way to the mattress. Still no sign of the but at this paint I considered
it a blessing.
I jammed in the washer with 3 leads warth of detergent and set it spin, knawing
that nnt even the hand of God wiuld save these linens, let alene Tide and Snuggles.
Then I left. I avoided my ' s calls for days until she came tn my house. we had a
lang talk about what happened. Talk being synonymous with "breaking up with me
because I **** her". And it was all nver. she promised nnt to tell a soul and I
dnn' t THINK she ever did. she was probably as ashamed as I was about the whole deed.
But I will always remember this happening as the mast embarrassing thing that has ever
happened tn me."
...
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Views: 35736
Favorited: 123
Submitted: 01/30/2010
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Comments(214):

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#76 - funnyhunter (01/31/2010) [-]
well " **** happens"
User avatar #98 - squeaky (01/31/2010) [+] (6 replies)
LASSIES THAT IS WHY YOU DO NOT STICK YOU FINGER INTO A MAN'S RECTUM!!!
User avatar #100 - Thrasherkid (01/31/2010) [+] (1 reply)
I Guess His First Time
*Puts On Sunglasses*
Was Really ******
YYYYYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH
User avatar #29 - Asainator (01/31/2010) [-]
i've always noticed that it is during those moments when u think absolutely nothing can go wrong with a particular moment in your life when life decides to be a complete ass and kick you in the nuts. :P

or in this case... make you **** briks.
User avatar #97 - babs (01/31/2010) [+] (1 reply)
looks like she got
*put sunglasses on*
a ****** deal
YEEEEAAAAAAH!!!
User avatar #69 - JustFuckOff (01/31/2010) [-]
Dude, I totally understand how you feel. Yesterday I lost my shoes.
#104 - 4chan refugee (01/31/2010) [+] (4 replies)
if only i could thumbs up... i totally would
User avatar #186 - SoNofFAILGuy (01/31/2010) [-]
HE......CHAT.........A BRICK
#122 - 4chan refugee (01/31/2010) [+] (2 replies)
sounds like fat bens first time... lol
#184 - manakinbeater **User deleted account** (01/31/2010) [+] (2 replies)
you should have gotten up after she did her dance and said, 'wait here so i can make myself more comfortable' in a sexy tone. (mostly what the girls say, but hey, whatever)
Then gone to a bathroom in a different part of the house, and let the **** fly. Then return, and have passionate sex with your girlfriend. lol
+9
#176 - tobipop **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [+] (3 replies)
#164 - 4chan refugee (01/31/2010) [-]
dude im tryin my harest to feel for this guy but...................he got fingered and projectile dumped on his girl HAHAHAHA!
#120 - 4chan refugee (01/31/2010) [-]
this is old but it's a great classic!!!

i'd thumb it up but....
User avatar #73 - Jesi (01/31/2010) [+] (3 replies)
I wonder how many Courics it weighed. Lol If anyone even gets it.
#178 - SmokinKushH (01/31/2010) [-]
so... much... win
#171 - ReferenceGuy (01/31/2010) [-]
I am picturing Bono shooting out of a guys ass
User avatar #91 - DONTORRES (01/31/2010) [-]
I WOOD TAKE DAT 2 THE GRAVE
#85 - KingButtCheeks (01/31/2010) [-]
wow i am soo ****** sory dude lol as funny as it is ******* on ur gf that sounds so painful. i thought i took mass dumps but geeez lol o well atleast u got ****** and an average bj then u got to **** on someone, my life long dream ahahaha
#49 - Live Grenade (01/31/2010) [-]
Waaait a minute... How would he know what a pile of dead babies smelled like?
#46 - UnderageOverdose **User deleted account** (01/31/2010) [-]
When in doubt, always multiply something by 42.
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