Its worth reading trust me. dunno. when I was 17 my girlfriend at the time was finally ready to have sex. I, as one might expect of a 17 year nld, was excited.  funny as hell wi
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Its worth reading trust me

when I was 17 my girlfriend at the time was finally ready to have sex.
I, as one might expect of a 17 year nld, was excited. Neither hell nor
high water was going tn stand between me and my final destination.
Inget ready for the night, trim everything up, shower extra well.
U there was alan an issue. I ave a disorder
that sometimes cause my shit to become large and quite salid while
still inside me. I wasn' t aware it was a treatable prablem and, in
fact, just thought everyone had to deal with the equivalent of anal
kidney stones. I bring this up because I had a mighty nne which had
been naded into the gun for several days.
Let me set the scene. Her parents are away. we have her house to
ourselves. she was always a little kinky she demands we do it in
her parents bed.
I walk in to a candle haulocaust. she' s been working this all day
apparenty , and its as bright as high noon in there with the lights
n . whic is good, because she proceeds tn do a sweet, sexy little
dance for me. At 16, she was AMAZING. For those of you whn never
experienced a female at that age, I pity the funl.
Now I' m sitting the bed, watching this dance. I smile and tell her
how nnd she links. Unfortunately, mast of my attention is focused
the ull throbbing from ( sphincter and the lar e amount of intestinal
discomfort associated wit not dropping duce in ays. But somehow I still
get hard and we go tn knwn.
she starts out top, then we switch. I bend her nver the bed, and I
even smack her ass (a ballsy mave at the time, but she laved it). Due to
my built up distracting, I ast for what seems like . she can' t
stop moaning and telling me how good it feels and she says what every man
wants to hear.
so she Ynes down me. she was alwa s average at best in the head
department but at least she tried. 5 e stops long enough to look up at me
and say "tell me if You like this". Then I feel it.
she stuck her finger up my ass.
My brain hits the panic switch and every muscle in my entire body locks
up tighter than a three year nld virgin. But its dnn late.
I take a massive, PAINFUL, PAINFUL shit, all nver her parents comforter.
No, you aren' t understanding. I mean large. Huge. IMMENSE. Take your
largest shit and multiple it by and ynu' ll have an idea of
what flew out of me.
And gents, when I say flew, I don' t mean “I poo ed." I mean "projectile".
I mean "hurricane force winds hitting an imbred a stand". And due tn my
condition, it comes out as a large, dark brown, smelly happenn.
I know it hit her. I didn' t see it. she ran screaming
DH MY EDD (" but I always imagined that, due
tn her position, it hit her right in the chin. Dr at least the tits.
I wiuld like to say I gnt u to go after her. But I heard the bathromm
door shut and I just lied t ere. The smell hit me after a few seconds. It
smelled like sameone rilled a cat in shit and threw it into a tire fire. I
looked down and saw, to date, the largest bowel movement I' ever heard of
laying the bed. Then I noticed the bland, and when I did, I noticed the pain.
Apparently the fact that it was large caused it tn rip my ass a little bit
t ought I was bleeding fram the inside. This little doctors trip the next day
is what taught me of my condition). There was a small pool of bland where my ass
had been. A final reminder of the exact place and moment I last my virginity. I
will treasure this memery for all my days.
I grab my shit with my hands and go tn the downstairs bathroom. I throw around
I/ into the toilet and flush, fearing any mare will clnk it and only add tn my
already significant Ynes.
I stand there, helding 2/ 3' s of my biggest shit of all time, feeling a trickle of
bland flaw down my leg, tryin to i nare the sharp pain stabbing my rectum. I
find myself wishing I had a p tn n this.
Anyway, I finish flushing my bab , clean off my hands, jam toilet paper between
my cheeks Cr skipped the bandaids and went upstairs. I could hear my girlfriend
sobbing fram behind the bathromm door. I decided nnt tn anythin tn her and
just keep miving. The smell in her parents rknm was athsma . Its e when nu
take a s it and walk out of the bat rknm you think "hey not bad today,"
then You walk back in to grab Your magazine and go "HOLY SHIT!". It was nne of
those moments.
The scene is burned behind eyelids far all time. My life. My shame. My very
first time smelled like a pi e of dead babies. I goic got dressed since the
heat from ten thousand candles was making the rknm feel more like a .
I was aware enough to grab the comforter my way nut and drag it downstairs to
their washer. Alan the top and bottom sheets since the bland had leaked through
all the way to the mattress. Still no sign of the but at this paint I considered
it a blessing.
I jammed in the washer with 3 leads warth of detergent and set it spin, knawing
that nnt even the hand of God wiuld save these linens, let alene Tide and Snuggles.
Then I left. I avoided my ' s calls for days until she came tn my house. we had a
lang talk about what happened. Talk being synonymous with "breaking up with me
because I shit her". And it was all nver. she promised nnt to tell a soul and I
dnn' t THINK she ever did. she was probably as ashamed as I was about the whole deed.
But I will always remember this happening as the mast embarrassing thing that has ever
happened tn me."
Views: 35778 Submitted: 01/30/2010
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#76 - funnyhunter
Reply +28 123456789123345869
(01/31/2010) [-]
well "**** happens"
User avatar #98 - squeaky
Reply +19 123456789123345869
(01/31/2010) [-]
#101 to #98 - anon
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(01/31/2010) [-]
What girl in their right mind would anyways? O_O
User avatar #109 to #98 - Yurry
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(01/31/2010) [-]
I swear to ***** im gonna find you and fist **** your family if you don't change your profile picture
User avatar #232 to #109 - squeaky
Reply -2 123456789123345869
(02/01/2010) [-]
Why do I have to? Why don't you?
User avatar #235 to #232 - Yurry
Reply -2 123456789123345869
(02/01/2010) [-]
Because I had this profile picture first, it didn't show up on this site until after I posted it
User avatar #236 to #235 - squeaky
Reply -2 123456789123345869
(02/02/2010) [-]
Can't we agree to be identical twins?
User avatar #239 to #236 - Yurry
Reply -1 123456789123345869
(02/04/2010) [-]
User avatar #100 - Thrasherkid
Reply +18 123456789123345869
(01/31/2010) [-]
I Guess His First Time
*Puts On Sunglasses*
Was Really ******
#108 to #100 - anon
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(01/31/2010) [-]
yuore actually supposed to take them the captcha for this reply was. *takes off glases*...."corny"
User avatar #69 - JustFuckOff
Reply +14 123456789123345869
(01/31/2010) [-]
Dude, I totally understand how you feel. Yesterday I lost my shoes.
User avatar #29 - Asainator
Reply +14 123456789123345869
(01/31/2010) [-]
i've always noticed that it is during those moments when u think absolutely nothing can go wrong with a particular moment in your life when life decides to be a complete ass and kick you in the nuts. :P

or in this case... make you **** briks.
User avatar #97 - babs
Reply +13 123456789123345869
(01/31/2010) [-]
looks like she got
*put sunglasses on*
a ****** deal
#99 to #97 - anon
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(01/31/2010) [-]

(captcha is STANK ahahahaha)
User avatar #186 - SoNofFAILGuy
Reply +10 123456789123345869
(01/31/2010) [-]
HE......CHAT.........A BRICK
#184 - manakinbeater **User deleted account**
Reply +10 123456789123345869
(01/31/2010) [-]
you should have gotten up after she did her dance and said, 'wait here so i can make myself more comfortable' in a sexy tone. (mostly what the girls say, but hey, whatever)
Then gone to a bathroom in a different part of the house, and let the **** fly. Then return, and have passionate sex with your girlfriend. lol
User avatar #201 to #184 - givemecoke
Reply +3 123456789123345869
(01/31/2010) [-]
if only u could have given him that advice earlier. lol
User avatar #211 to #201 - Amwolf
Reply +3 123456789123345869
(01/31/2010) [-]
Note to self: If needing to take a **** with impending sex, DO NOT WAIT
#176 - tobipop **User deleted account**
+9 123456789123345869
has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #181 to #176 - stonereyes
Reply +5 123456789123345869
(01/31/2010) [-]
roflmfao the same here
#187 to #181 - anon
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(01/31/2010) [-]
I tried and failed.... lol my dad came downstairs to ask why the hell I was laughing. Before he came down I closed my laptop and grabbed my vocab book and pretended I was doing work. He asked me and I was like, "what dad? You must be crazy I'm doing my dam vocab."
"Whats witht he laptop?"
"Oh Im using it so I can write more neatly"
PS my writing looks like a elephant **** all over the page then tried to rub it around to make it look like a letter thing.
User avatar #188 to #187 - stonereyes
Reply +4 123456789123345869
(01/31/2010) [-]
rofl i failed and got hit by a shoe
#171 - ReferenceGuy
Reply +9 123456789123345869
(01/31/2010) [-]
I am picturing Bono shooting out of a guys ass