7 ways to scare your roommate

I got into an argument this morning with my Rice Krispies. I distinctly heard- "Snap, Crackle, Fuck you". I don't know which one of them said it, y'know. I was reaching for the artificial sweetener at the time and was not looking directly into the bowl. But I told them, I said, "Well, you can all just sit right there in the milk. Far as I'm concerned you can sit in the milk until I find out which one of you said that." A little mass punishment for my breakfast food. The idea is to turn them against one another. "Just sit in the milk!"

8. pray to satan every time there is a clear moon
9. keep looking at him with a big eyed (creepy old killer doll) face until he sleeps
10. ask him what he would like to eat if he would die tomorrow, and make that for dinner
11. watch a horror movie and laugh really hard everytime someone get's tortured
12. buy a stuffed dog, and lay a used condom on it
13. hide when a police car drives pas your house

I had trouble sleeping in Iraq because my room mate was very loud. Eventually he started wearing headphones at night to watch movies on his laptop but he would turn the volume up loud enough so that I could still hear it. Plus he liked to comment loudly about what he was seeing. One night I stood quietly over his bed and gently traced the outline of his sleeping face with the barrel of my M-16 until he woke up. I said "shhhh" then went back to my bed.

I'd expect to see this in a 12 year old's forwarded email.

Step 8: Dress like this

Step 1: write on a can of beans "dancing beans" and start dancing when you eat them.
Step 2: repeat step one, but with "laughing beans".
Step 3: repeat step 1, but with "kill your roommate beans". Stare at roommate and smile as you eat the beans.

But then your roommate would tell everyone you're a freak. Your chances to get pussy would slip BELOW zero.

8) Read this comp in plain view of your roommate, making sure he sees it, and LAUGH MANIACALLY (Yes I have a roommate yes I did this)

What the fuck are you wasting those Rice Krispies for?

Let them suffer!

When your roommate is sleeping, put a severed horse head in their bed. Classic prank to scare them.

I've got a message for yo-

Just do this randomly, soon enough, they will leave.

Step 6000000. Dress as hitler

<---roomate "the fuck is wrong with you?"

(8) Get real close to their face while they sleep. When they wake up, say "I braided your armpits".

do it <-