FUNNYJUNK READ!. OK, just to say a few things. <br /> 1. I am changing the title to Pyromantis-X<br /> 2. I will be continuing this story under the
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OK, just to say a few things. <br />
1. I am changing the title to Pyromantis-X<br />
2. I will be continuing this story under the username PyromantisX. dont bother sending &quot;darkfall&quot; any messages or anything. srry for those of you who already have.

Tags: DarkFall
We all hate Twilight. That' s a well known fact. Fm relatively new to this site, But it
only tool: me a happyhour to mature that out. And I agree.
I have always enjoyed reading books. I have also made several {failed} attempts at
writing one, although from the fragments of what I have written, people say it would
Be a great book if only I ' it.
Well here is ' s answer to twilight. If this makes it to the top ‘ID, I will
Begin writing a new book in all the bloody glory of a true vampire story. No sparkly
gay map. cheek it out below.
H was supposed to he a gener: testing : slightly more guarded than most,
but still maintaining the appearance a mid security level lat}. on chickens, rats,
birds, and other animals were carried out in the upper levels.
Below however, no one walla knew wt: at happened down there, no one except tor the
three scientists who had security clearance , high enough leveled enter the dungeon like
lo . some said that screams could he heard ‘From hemione the thick titanium blast:
doors, while others tried to shut them up.
one thing was certain, the truth was tar worse than EHW one suspected. Genetic
testing was taking place on humans. H imans whose onle fault: had tween a pattern oi: D NA
deemed as adequate tor testing by E. V. E. These men and women were accused with false
crimes, and sentenced to death row: ode’ weren' t dead.
Neural stimulation, phisical shock, gene operatics, and ‘tar more was upon
these individuals. Gradually, theg changd. Thee} grew taller, stronger: smarter. Their ii: -‘one
structure changed com widened, thickened, small protrusions began
l] ranching o utr, aurther reinforcing theire} odins. Foremost among these we re two incredible’
sharp teeth. Theg were , and had small grooves d own the side. Later on, their
would grow small packets at poison that uld drain down these ducts when wanted.
There were over these test; subjects. H alt them died. Twenty were ,
lumps deformed human farest, with minimal hrafn activity Three clicl not experience at-: 3
dramatic results. The ‘Final two experienced the } c: Iare changes ‘From all atthe rigorous
testing and experiments.
N' o one will ) lg know tonsure what happened there. week
no communication, and complaints about husbands and tethers not returning home,
CA/ C, sent: out: a task torso to discovercard had happened. As the ch, er. OPE soldiers
walked carefully through the lal: , looking tor someone alive. Theg ‘Found no one.
There were no bodies at all blood was splattered on walls, the floor, and everywhere their
looked. The shattered titanium doors invited the soldiers to enter the atthe
Th e y were never heard ‘From stairs.
If you enjoyed this, " mit believe I am saying this..} thumbs it up.
Remember, I will only continue to write this if this reaches the top -Io. Pm and mm
vampire sparkly map. Thumbs up for blood!
Views: 37158
Favorited: 39
Submitted: 01/14/2010
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What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
User avatar #312 - darksamus (01/14/2010) [-]
I enjoyed it. What was here was intriguing enough to make me read more. As a small criticism, your writing appears to be little unsophisticated, almost unfinished. But, even so, it was clear and engaging.
User avatar #296 - wolfgrl (01/14/2010) [+] (2 replies)
ok the premise is cool, the storyline is cool, but it is sort of generic, like a bunch of books and movies rolled into one. but honestly the writing isn't just isnt that good. not novel material if you ask me.
#302 to #296 - anonymous (01/14/2010) [-]
at least it's still better than twilight. :)
User avatar #175 - Recaffeinated (01/14/2010) [-]
I was too lazy to read this.
#14 - DarkFall (01/14/2010) [+] (4 replies)
I have decided to write the next chapter. even though this didn't reach the top 10, there were definitely people interested. i guess I'll see how it goes. i will definitely be putting a lot more time into this one, so watch for it. im gonna try and have it posted in about 10 hours. thats midnight for me. if not, i'll get it posted tomorrow. thx for support and suggestions. :D
#123 - anonymous (01/14/2010) [-]
please oh dear god keep writing, send me the manuscript, i love reading and will gladly give u feedback, im into this type of stuff so yeah, YAY GOOD BOOKS (ima bookfag so ya.... except for the fag part, but i do enjoy a good book)
User avatar #19 - AliceKitteh (01/14/2010) [+] (3 replies)
This is basically an anti twilight
twilight, darkfall
basically you described humans genetically engineered into vampires.
we know twilight sucks but seriously we don't need an anti twilight :/
#20 to #19 - anonymous (01/14/2010) [-]
if you prefer twilight, go read twilight... i actually like this.
User avatar #317 - patriotic canadian (01/14/2010) [+] (2 replies)
sort of reminds me of the maximum ride books (highly reccomend those)

i think this is a good backstory. some first person narritive would be great ^_^

do want :)
#303 - anonymous (01/14/2010) [-]
Good plot, however the writing itself could use a little work. Just the phrasing of a couple of sentences, and maybe some expansion on some parts. I would definitely read this novel. :)
User avatar #286 - radon (01/14/2010) [-]
Anybody else see the resemblance to Black Mesa, post cascade?
#270 - anonymous (01/14/2010) [+] (1 reply)
If you are reading this Darkfall guy, please note that this is funny junk, and is not meant for writing, even though you got 1104 thumbs up. It is a very good idea, and has great potential, but please do what other writers do, and keep it to yourself and work on it when you have time. ^_^
You should check other websites, I know for a fact that there is a writing circle in "" where you can put your ideas, and get other writer's feed back. Have a good one.
#165 - WASSAAAAAAAAAAAAP **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #136 - garykn (01/14/2010) [-]
i am totally holding you to this. write the book.
#129 - anonymous (01/14/2010) [-]
You shouldn't write because of what other people say you should write because you want to, I also have fragments of stories that I think could turn out pretty good and I hope once I finish school that I can start an exceptional book and finish it and hopefully publish it.
Keep writing if you like doing it not just because other people tell you too.....
#124 - anonymous (01/14/2010) [+] (1 reply)
#118 - anonymous (01/14/2010) [-]
KEEP WRITING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#65 - anonymous (01/14/2010) [-]
sounds exactly like Resident Evil only with vampires instead of zombies
#12 - anonymous (01/14/2010) [-]
#2 - anonymous (01/14/2010) [+] (4 replies)
that was vague, ambiguous, and lacked any real plotline.
Keep trying, don't give up.

Plus this isn't the place to try this. This is funnyjunk, not "Hey can you tell me if my short story is decent as I am an aspiring author?"
User avatar #4 to #3 - JackSchidt (01/14/2010) [-]
I disagree with 2--I found the opening very riveting--and personally no matter what the outcome of posting, you should finish the story.
#75 - anonymous (01/14/2010) [-]
The writing was pretty ****** , but the plot seemed pretty decent
User avatar #60 - WarPigs (01/14/2010) [-]
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