A man and a friend are playing golf
one day at their local golf course.
One of the guys is about to chip
onto the green when he sees a long
funeral procession on the road
next to the course. He stops in
moodswing, takes off his golf cap,
closes his eyes, and bows down in
prayer. His friend says: "Wow, that
is the most thoughtful and
touching thing I have ever seen.
You truly are a kind man." The man
then replies: "Yeah, well we were
married 35 years.”
When NASA first started sending
up astronauts, they quickly
discovered that ballpoint pens
would not work in zero gravity. To
combat the problem, NASA
scientists spent a decade and
billion to develop a pen that writes
in zero gravity, upside down,
underwater, on almost any surface
including glass and at
temperatures ranging from below
freezing to 300 C. The Russians
used a pencil.
A general noticed one of his
soldiers behaving oddly. The
soldier would pick up any piece of
paper he found, frown and say:
That' s not it" and put it down
again. This went on for some time,
until the general arranged to have
the soldier psychologically tested.
The psychologist concluded that
the soldier was deranged, and
wrote out his discharge from the
army. The soldier picked it up,
smiled and said: "That' s it."
A woman gets on a bus with her
baby. The bus driver says: "That' s
the ugliest baby that I' ever
seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the
rear of the bus and sits down,
fuming. She says to a man next to
her: "The driver just insulted me!”
The man says: "You go right up
there and tell him off - go ahead,
I' ll hold your monkey for you.”
Watson, look up at the sky and tell
me what you see."
I see millions and millions of stars,
Holmes," replies Watson.
And what do you deduce from
Watson ponders for a minute.
Well, astronomically, it tells me
that there are millions of galaxies
and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, I observe that
Saturn is in Leo. Topologically, I
deduce that the time is
approximately a quarter past
Methodologically, I suspect that
we will have a beautiful day
tomorrow. Ecologically, I can see
that God is all powerful and that
we are a small and insignificant
part of the universe. What does it
tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes is silent for a moment.
Watson, you idiom." he says.
Someone has stolen our tent!”
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