Funny Jokes Compilation. Part 2 /funny_pictures/1434244/Funny+Jokes+Compilation+2/. A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One  jokes compilation funny
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Funny Jokes Compilation

A man and a friend are playing golf
one day at their local golf course.
One of the guys is about to chip
onto the green when he sees a long
funeral procession on the road
next to the course. He stops in
moodswing, takes off his golf cap,
closes his eyes, and bows down in
prayer. His friend says: "Wow, that
is the most thoughtful and
touching thing I have ever seen.
You truly are a kind man." The man
then replies: "Yeah, well we were
married 35 years.”
When NASA first started sending
up astronauts, they quickly
discovered that ballpoint pens
would not work in zero gravity. To
combat the problem, NASA
scientists spent a decade and
billion to develop a pen that writes
in zero gravity, upside down,
underwater, on almost any surface
including glass and at
temperatures ranging from below
freezing to 300 C. The Russians
used a pencil.
A general noticed one of his
soldiers behaving oddly. The
soldier would pick up any piece of
paper he found, frown and say:
That' s not it" and put it down
again. This went on for some time,
until the general arranged to have
the soldier psychologically tested.
The psychologist concluded that
the soldier was deranged, and
wrote out his discharge from the
army. The soldier picked it up,
smiled and said: "That' s it."
A woman gets on a bus with her
baby. The bus driver says: "That' s
the ugliest baby that I' ever
seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the
rear of the bus and sits down,
fuming. She says to a man next to
her: "The driver just insulted me!”
The man says: "You go right up
there and tell him off - go ahead,
I' ll hold your monkey for you.”
Watson, look up at the sky and tell
me what you see."
I see millions and millions of stars,
Holmes," replies Watson.
And what do you deduce from
Watson ponders for a minute.
Well, astronomically, it tells me
that there are millions of galaxies
and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, I observe that
Saturn is in Leo. Topologically, I
deduce that the time is
approximately a quarter past
Methodologically, I suspect that
we will have a beautiful day
tomorrow. Ecologically, I can see
that God is all powerful and that
we are a small and insignificant
part of the universe. What does it
tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes is silent for a moment.
Watson, you idiom." he says.
Someone has stolen our tent!”
Thank you for viewing'. Now please
take a second of yout time to
thumb up...
Oh and remember, you don' t have
to subscribe but
Views: 33970 Submitted: 12/29/2010
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#8 - Murcielago
Reply +24 123456789123345869
(12/30/2010) [-]
The pencil one wouldn't work, because
a. Important space travel records can't be erasable.
b. When pencils write, they are actually leaving behind thousands of tiny graphite crystals that stick in place on the paper. In zero gravity, the letters would simply float off the page.
User avatar #12 to #8 - ChaosMuffin
Reply -4 123456789123345869
(12/30/2010) [-]
They could have used a damn sharpie
#18 to #12 - orphantears
Reply +2 123456789123345869
(12/30/2010) [-]
no u couldnt the ink wouldnt go to the tip because of zero gravity
#11 to #8 - anon
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(12/30/2010) [-]
Didn't they say on QI that a bic biro could do the job?
User avatar #14 to #8 - JklnHyd
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(12/30/2010) [-]
It would not float off the page. If gravity was the only thing keeping it on the paper then turning a page upside down on earth would cause all of your writing to fall off. They really did use pencils.
User avatar #15 to #8 - TheTurnbull
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(12/30/2010) [-]
Dude.. then I could like...
Float off the letters, arrange them into word bubble and be a cartoon character
#22 to #8 - jasona **User deleted account**
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User avatar #10 to #8 - srskate
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(12/30/2010) [-]
and wouldnt the graphite dust throw off valuable and precise equipment?
#16 to #8 - hconner
Reply +4 123456789123345869
(12/30/2010) [-]
ok that is not why the pencil didn't work are graphite crystals coming off yes and it would not just float off of the paper because it in essence dies the paper. and to all the people that replied before me you guys are retarted did they need to make a pen yes... did they spend did they spend 12 billion dollars on it no they didn't maybe 1200 at most and they've made that money back by selling them any way.
#38 to #16 - SpidaChris **User deleted account**
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User avatar #17 to #16 - JklnHyd
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(12/30/2010) [-]
I'm not retarded. Your first sentence is basically the same message as mine. Also, yes the amount spent in research is grossly exaggerated, yes they sell them now and make money, yes pencils were used because they needed some **** that would work.
#19 to #8 - zalgofive **User deleted account**
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#113 - itsjustthechad **User deleted account**
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#117 to #113 - YourCousin
Reply +18 123456789123345869
(12/30/2010) [-]
#141 to #117 - itsjustthechad **User deleted account**
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#102 - Javapenguin
Reply +14 123456789123345869
(12/30/2010) [-]
#105 to #102 - anon
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(12/30/2010) [-]
But to laugh, you must read.
#106 to #105 - Javapenguin
Reply +8 123456789123345869
(12/30/2010) [-]
#40 - TrashBag
Reply +14 123456789123345869
(12/30/2010) [-]
Comment Picture
#56 - Revolutie **User deleted account**
-2 123456789123345869
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#57 to #56 - sookmaybowls
Reply +12 123456789123345869
(12/30/2010) [-]
why is it that when any time somone says "God", somone in the comments get's their knickers in a twist?
User avatar #58 to #57 - sookmaybowls
Reply +2 123456789123345869
(12/30/2010) [-]
#59 to #57 - Revolutie **User deleted account**
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#61 to #59 - sookmaybowls
Reply +7 123456789123345869
(12/30/2010) [-]
Haha, my bad...

and I'm not religious,

I just hate bitchy-bitches.

(p.s. DON'T ******* CORRECT ME!)
#67 to #59 - anon
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(12/30/2010) [-]
Why is it that you can't put together a coherent argument and have to resort to pointing out grammar mistakes? ******* idiot. If you're going to say something like that, be prepared for an argument. If you don't want an argument don't say stupid ******* **** like that.
#69 to #67 - Revolutie **User deleted account**
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#73 to #69 - Crusader
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(12/30/2010) [-]
Comment Picture
#51 - grantika
Reply +10 123456789123345869
(12/30/2010) [-]
User avatar #60 to #51 - deadguyseven
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(12/30/2010) [-]
i read it in his voice D'OH
#116 - insertyournamehere
Reply +9 123456789123345869
(12/30/2010) [-]
#32 - LOLcop
Reply +8 123456789123345869
(12/30/2010) [-]
Comment Picture
#127 - durkadurka
Reply +7 123456789123345869
(12/30/2010) [-]
And now the US has an awesome pen that writes in zero-G. The Russians still have pencils.

U mad Russia?
User avatar #133 to #127 - Mephizto
Reply -1 123456789123345869
(12/30/2010) [-]
U mad america ?
#139 to #133 - anon
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(12/31/2010) [-]
Not even mad, bro.
Reply +7 123456789123345869
(12/30/2010) [-]
you read the last part in his voice.