Hello, welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.
If you are:
press I, repeatedly.
Corespondent, please ask someone ta press 2 for you.
Multiple Personalities, press 3, l 5, and E.
Paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay an the line so we can trace your call.
Delusional, press 7, and your call will be transferred to the Mother Ship.
Schizophrenic, listen carefully, and a small voice will tell you which number ta press.
it doesnt matter which number you press. Na me will answer.
Dyslexic, press 96969696969696.
If you have:
Nervous Disorder, please didget with the Pound Button until a representative comes an the line.
Amnesia, press a and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and
your mather' s and grandmothers' maiden names.
Stress Disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.
Disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait
for the beep.
Memory Loss, please try your call again later.
Low Self Esteem, please hang up. All am representatives are busy.