The Dangers of Bread
A recent Cincinnati Enquirer headline read, "Smell of baked bread may be health hazard." The article went en m describe the dangers of the smell of baking bread.
The main danger, apparently, is that the organic components of this aroma may break dawn evene (I' m net making this stuff up].
I was horrified. When are we going m do samething about bread- induced global warining? Sure, we attack tenance companies, but when is the government going m
after Big Bread?
Well, We done a little research, and what We dissevered should make anyone think twice....
1. Mere than 93 percent of Convicted felins are bread eaters.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grew up in households were below average en standardized tests.
3. In the 13th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than tio years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably
high; many wemen died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever and influenza ravaged whale nations.
4. Mere than as percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
ti. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been presen that as little as one pound of dough can be used m suffocate a mouse. The average
American eats mere bread than that in one month!
E. Primitive tribal that have bread exhibit a few occurrence of cancer, Alzheimer' s, Parkinson' s disease and osteoporosis.
I Bread has been proven m be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water m eat begged fer bread after only have days.
3. Bread is often a "gateway" feed item, leading the user m "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter and even mid cuts.
it Bread has been proven m absorb water. Since the human bedy is mere than an percent water, it fellers that eating bread meld lead m your bedy being taken
Over by this absorptive feed predict, turning yeu inte a saggy, gheey person.
babies can choke en bread.
11. Bread is baked as high as we degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
12. fullest American bread eaters are utterly unable m distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.
m light of these frightening statistics, we prepuce the fallowing bread restrictions:
1. No sale of bread m miners.
2. Ne advertising of bread within 1000 feet of a schewl.
3. A see percent federal tax en all bread m pay fer all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
4. No animal er human images, nor any primary celebs (which may appeal m children) may be used m premote bread usage.
5. A . 2 zillion fine en the three biggest bread manufacturers. Please send this femail en m everyone yeu knew whc cares about this crucial issue.