NIGGER OWNERS MANUAL ptl
Congratulations on your purchase ofa brand new nigger! If handled properly,
your apeman will give years of valuable, if reluctant, service.
INSTALLING YOUR NIGGER.
You should install your nigger differently according to whether you have pur-
chased the field or house model. Field niggers work best in a serial configure-
tion, i. e. chained together. Chain your nigger to another nigger immediately
after unpacking it, and don' t even think about taking that chain off, ever. Many
niggers start singing as soon as you put a chain on them. This habit can usually
be thrashed out ofthem in the bud. House niggers work best as stand-
alone units, but should be hobbled or hamstrung to prevent attempts at escape.
At this stage, your nigger can also be given a name. Most owners use the same
names over and over, since niggers become confused by too much data. Rufus,
Rasta s, Remus, Toby, , Carlton, Hey-‘ , Yeller, Blackstar, and
Sambo are all effective names for your new buck nigger. ofyour nigger is a ho, it
should be called Darrelle, Luanda, or Jemima. Some owners call their nigger hoes
Latrine for a joke. Pearl, Blossom, and Ivory are also righteous names for nigger
hoes. These names go straight over your nigger' s head, by the way.
CONFIGURING YOUR NIGGER
Owing to a design error, your nigger comes equipped with a tongue and vocal
chords. Most niggers can master only a few basic human phrases with this appa-
rat's - "muh dick" being the most popular. However, others make barking, yelp-
ing, yapping noises and appear to be in some pain, so you should probably call
a vet and have him remove your nigger' s tongue. Once your nigger
will be a lot happier - at least, you won' t hear it complaining anywhere near as
much. Niggers have nothing interesting to say, anyway. Many owners also cas-
trate their niggers for health reasons (yours, mine, and that of women, not the
nigger' s}. This is strongly recommended, and frankly, it' s a mystery why this is
not done on the boat
HOUSING YOUR NIGGER.
Your nigger can be accommodated in cages with stout iron bars. Make sure,
however, that the bars are wide enough to push pieces of nigger food through.
The rule of thumb is, four niggers per square yard of cage. So a fifteen foot by
thirty foot nigger cage can accommodate two hundred niggersoup can site a
nigger cage anywhere, even on soft ground. Don' t worry about your nigger
fashioning makeshift shovels out of odd pieces offodd and digging an escape
tunnel under the bars of the cage. Niggers never invented the shovel before and
they' re not about to now. In any case, your nigger is certainly too lazy to attempt
escape. As long as the free food holds out, your nigger is living better than it did
in Africa, so it will stay put. Buck niggers and hoe niggers can be safely accou-
mutated in the same cage, as bucks never attempt sex with black hoes.