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Chapter One
Uploaded by: TheShadowMan
This is chapter one of my story. I don't know what to name it so i will be taking names for it. here's chapter 2 www.funnyjunk.com/funnypictures/1110113/Chapter+Two+The+Nightmare/<br />
heres chapter Three funnyjunk.com/funnypictures/1133438/Chapter+Thr...more »
This is chapter one of my story. I don't know what to name it so i will be taking names for it. here's chapter 2 www.funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/1110113/Chapter+Two+The+Nightmare/<br />
heres chapter Three funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/1133438/Chapter+Three+The+Playground/
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#6
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HitlersBestJew (10/22/2010) [-] why would you thumb this down everyone? i think the story is great
#8
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ImmelmannFan (10/22/2010) [+]
(1 reply)
I think that you have a good starting structure for the story, but it needs some definite work. In the begining when you say " If there IS stories of it.... " you are using the incorrect word. You should use are instead of is. That is but one of the flaws. Even though there are alot of flaws, I also enjoyed the story.
#13
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TheShadowMan (10/24/2010) [-] Sorry people for not posting a chapter two. I was out of town for the past 2 days and couldn't write another one. I am writing another chapter at the moment :)
#10
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N. Korean citizen (10/23/2010) [+]
(2 replies)
Hear is my two cents. One, post on fiction press. I'm not saying there's theiving people about on funny junk but we are not exactly a saint's society. Fiction Press copywrites the material to your account, making a legal failsafe in the event you are reading the latest and greatest and can only think:
"I've seen this before..."
Number two, you say you need a title. I would find one, this is good work. It appears to be a creepy, eerie tale containing some form of 'worlds colliding' ideas. Seeing as the door plays a part in this first encounter, consider the title 'Threshold.' Then your catch could be 'How do you close a door you never knew you opened.'
Keep it up.
Regards,
Anonymous #98391
"I've seen this before..."
Number two, you say you need a title. I would find one, this is good work. It appears to be a creepy, eerie tale containing some form of 'worlds colliding' ideas. Seeing as the door plays a part in this first encounter, consider the title 'Threshold.' Then your catch could be 'How do you close a door you never knew you opened.'
Keep it up.
Regards,
Anonymous #98391
#9
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FlyingToast (10/22/2010) [-] Its supposed to be laughter, and a then needs to be changed to a the good though pm me when you get more up, Be careful though.
