For your' lulz-
Epic Jokes of Epicness
Three men were waiting at Heaven' s Gate. St. Peter says, "OK, guys, pretty much anything goes up here,
but whatever you do, never lie, or you will spend the rest of eternity with the ugliest women in the
So they all agree and are admitted in. The first guy makes it a week before he lies about how rich he was
on Earth. Bam! Right at his side appears the ugliest woman he had ever seen.
The second guy makes l another couple weeks before he lies about how smart he is. Bani! At his side
appears the second ugliest woman in the universe.
So the first two guys are walking around with their monsters when they see their third friend
walking with the hottest woman ever conceived by man. The first two guys say in unison, "How did you
land with that babe when we get stuck with these nasty women?"
He nudges the babe and says, "Tell them." She says to the first two guys, "I lied."
A man steps up to the pearly gates of heaven and approaches Sterter.
St. Peter says to the man In order to get into heaven, you must answer three questions‘.
The man nods and St. Peter asks What is the most amazing thing youve ever done?'
The man implies l climbed atop mount Everest and the View was so amazing‘, I nearly cued."
St. Peter says Excellent. New then. What is the most rewarding thing you" ever done?'
The man says l adopted three kids and raised them all to become succesful college graduates.'
St. Peter implies ‘I‘ m impressed. And heally; what is the bravest thing youve ever done?'
The man pipes up Well, you see. I was driving up to the local market when I saw a gang of Hells Angels
harrassing an old woman. I walked light up and escorted the woman out of then circle, I walked up to the
biggest and roughest of the lot and I pulled the ciggerate light out of his ugly mouth and put l out on his
Sterter, quite amazed at this says "Blimey! When was this my son?!'
The man looks at his watch and says ‘About... thier minutes ago.'
A woman arrives at a doctor‘ s office after receiving an urgent call.
She asks 'Doctor, what is all the fuss about?'
The Doctor replies Tm so, very sorry. I" m afraid I have awful news and worse news.'
The woman, slightly taken back says "Oh... what... what" s the bad news doctor?'
He says Weve discovered a virus in your bloodstream that kills the victim in 24 hours.'
The woman, horrified, says 'Oh my god! Well not much can be worse than that. What' s the worse news?!'
He says Wel madm, weve been trying to contact you since yesterday-'.
A lawyer is sat beside a hick on a long haul flight over the Atlantic.
The lawyer. being the lawyer he is. decided he could tum a profit of this.
He turned to the hick and said ‘Lets play a game. Ill ask you a question and ifyou get l Wong. you pay
me and then you ask me a question and fl get l wrong, I pay you 5500. Deal?'
The hck, happy with the arrangement, agrees to to the lawyers deal.
The lawyer says What is the speed of gravity on Earth?'
The hick looks confused, shrugs his shoulders and hands the lawyer .
The lawyer chuckles and says Your turn'
The hick thinks for a moment and says What goes up a hill on 4 wheels, sits atop l on 2 legs and faes
down with 4 wings?"
The lawyer. clearly confused, ponders this fox the rest of the flight. sending out emails and checking the
internet for possible answers.
By the end of the flight the lawyer slams the into the hick" s hands, grumpily and snails "Alright then,
what' s the answer, you hick?"
The Nck, grins. shrugs his shoulders, gives the lawyer and walks off of the plane laughing to himself.
How do you drown a blonde?
Put a scratch n' sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool
What do you call a deer with no eyes.
No idea (Ho eyed deer)
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs
1 no idea (A still. no eyed deer).
Feedback appreciated, also deds to
this guy right here- -