The 2 Dollar Bill
The Bill. Everyone should start carrying them!
I am STILL laughing!! I think we need to quit saving our bills and bring them out in public. The younger generation Musn' t know they C"
on my way home from work, I stopped at Taco Bell fora quick bite to eat. In my billfold are a bill and a bill. I figure that with a -
bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about anyone getting Irritated at me for trying to break a bill.
g "Hi, I' d like one burrito please, to go."
Server: "Them be . 04. Eat In?"
g "No, it' s to go." At this point, I open my billfold and hand him the bill. He looks at it kind of funny.
Server: "Uh, hang on a sec, I' ll be right back."
He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within my earshot. The following conversation occurs between the two of them:
Serier: "Hey, you ever see a bill?"
Manager: "No. A what?"
Serier: "A bill. This gave it to me."
Manager: "Ash for something else. There' s no such thing as a bill."
Server: "Yeah, thought so."
He comes back to me and says, "We don‘ t take these Do you have anything else?"
g "Just this fifty. You don? take bills? Why?"
Server: "I tront know."
g "See here where it says legal Ewen?"
g "So, why wont you take it?"
Well, hang on a sec."
He goes back to his manager, who has been watching me like I' m a shoplifter, and says to him, "He says I have to take it."
Manager.’ "Diesn' t he have anything else?"
Serier: "Yeah, a Fifty. I' ll get it and you can open the safe and get change " c',
Manager: Tm not opening the safe with him in here."
Server: "What should I do?"
Manager.’ "Tell him to come back later when he has real money."
Server: "I cant tell him that! You tell him."
Manager.’ "Just tell him."
Serier: "No way! This is weird. I' m going in back."
The manager approaches me and says, "I' m sorry, but we tront take big bills this time of night."
g only seven o' clock! Well then, here' s a two dollar bill."
Manager.’ "We don‘ t take those, either."
Manager: "I think you know why."
g "No really, tell me why."
Manager.’ "Please leave before I call mall security."
g "Excuse me?"
Manager: "Please leave before I call mall security."
g "What on earth styr?"
Manager.’ "Please, sir."
g "Uh, go ahead, call them."
Manager: "Would you please Just leave?"
Manager: "Fine -- have it your y then." I
g "Hey, that' s Burger King, may it?" i
At this point, he backs away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner. I have two people staring at me from the A
dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, Just for effect. A few minutes later this guy
Guard: "Yeah, Mike, what' s up?"
Minage_ _ ingy, "This guy is trying to give me some (pause) funny money."
Guard: "No kidding! What?"
Manager.’ "Get this .. A two dollar bill."
Guard (incredulous .' "Why would a guy fake a two dollar bill?"
Manager: "I tront know. He' s kinda weird. He says the only other thing he has is a fifty."
Guard: "Oh, so the mty' s fake!"
Manager: "No, the two dollar bill is."
Guard: "Why would he fake a two dollar bill?"
Manager: "I don‘ t know! Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?"
Security Guard walks over to me and.
Guard: "Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you' re trying to use."
Guard: "Lemme see 'em. "
Guard: "Do you want me to get the cops in here?"
At this point I am ready to say, "Sure, please!" but I want to eat, so I say "I' m Just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this two dollar
I put the bill up near his Face, and he like I' m taking a swing at him. He takes the bill, tums it overe few times in his hands, and
says, "Hey, Mike, what' s wrong with this bill?"
Minage_ r: fake."
Guard: "It doesn‘ t look fake to me." "
Manager.’ "But it' s a two dollar bill."
Manager.’ "Well, there' s no such thing, is there?"
The security guard and I both look at him like he' s an idiot, and it dawns on the guy that he has no clue.
So, it turns out that my burrito was free, and he threw in a small drink and some of those cinnamon thingies, too.
Made me want to get a whole stack of two dollar bills Just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff. If I got the right group of people, I
could probably end up in jail. You get free food there, too.