Give Them A Dress And They' ll Want A
I sell a dress to a eady and she reeves. As I am coming back
from hanging a sign, she returns to the yard sale. J
Customer: “I want to return this dress."
Me: "This is a yard sale. I don' t take returns."
Customer: “You don' t have a sign up. You should have a sign
that says no returns."
Me: “I don' t need one. This is a yard sale."
Customer: getting angry' “I want to return the dress. I
don' t want it anymore!"
Me: "This is a yard sale. I am not a store, so I do not take
Customer: "That' s dishonest Cm calling 911!"
fr. he customer dials so I on her cell phone and I hear her
tacking to the dippa tcher. J
Customer: “Hello! Cm at a yard sale and they won' t take back
Deal with The Burning Issue First
fr. here is a small electrical fire in our backroom. I run out to
the nearest pia ced fire extinguisher and I am literally running
whim pulling the pin out to put the fire out. A customer gets
in my way. J
Customer: “I need you to help me find this brand of cat
He: "Ma' am, the back room is currently on fire and I am trying
to get back there to put it out."
Customer: "What!? You can' t take two minutes to help me
find this cat food."
He: “Ma' am. unless you want this whole building to go up in
flames I need to you move so I can get to the backroom."
Customer: “I can' t believe you won' t help me! I am never
shopping here again!"
Me: “I don' t care at this point I need you to move."
I push her cart out of the way and make it in to the
backroom to get the fire out before it causes any serious
damage. I then come back out with the obviously used fire
Customer: “Db... weren' t makin that u?"
Unlimited Texts, Limited Intelligence
A fter purchasing a cell phone a few hours ago, a teenager
and her mom return, saying they' re having difficulty. J
Me: "What seems to be the problem?"
Customer' s mom: “She' s having problems sending a text
message to her dad."
Customer: "Yeah, it keeps saying that it doesn' t recognize his
phone or something."
fr. he customer types a short message along with her dad' s
number, and hits send. After a few moments, a message
reads ‘Error: Your message was not sent. Address is not a
recognized mobile device'. J
He: “Cch... are you trying to text it to his home phone?"
Customer' s mom:" Yes! Why does that matter?"
He: “Because only cell phones can receive text messages. It' s
not going to work."
Customer' s mom:" What? Since when? Well, she' d like a plan
that can do that."
Me: “I' m sorry ma' am, it' s not up to me. That' s just how
Customer: "But it' s an unlimited tasting plan!"
tout: tot Tune with The Conversation
I' worked at this camp on and off for a few years, and a
riot of the kids remember me from previous years. J
Kid #1: "Why weren' t you here last year?"
Me: "This camp and band camp were at the same time, so I
chose to go to band camp since it was the last time Cd be
with my friends."
Kid #1: "That' s so cool! What do you play?"
He: "Clarinet in band, but I also play piano."
Kid #1: “I play piano too!"
We continue tacking about different instruments we piar
when another god joins in. J
Kid #2: “I play an instrument, too."
He: "Really? Do you play piano too, or something?"
Kid #1:“ Well, I listen to Taylor Swift. Does that count?"
Sea rein a re M a lee s As re
Me: “How can I help you today?"
Patient: "Um. I think I have an STI."
He: "Okay. What symptoms do you have that makes you think
Patient: "Well, I don' t really know. My computer told me to be
He: "Oh, did you do a online?"
Patient: “No. Cm not sure. Cm here, I need to be here!"
He: "Exactly what did your computer tell you?"
Patient: “Don' t judge me! Stop it! I need to be here!"
Me: “I can assure you that I am not judging you. Can you
explain to me exactly what happened before you came here'?"
Patient: "Well, I was looking at some porn last night online
and this morning I turned my computer on and it told me f
have a virus!"
Patient: “Stop judging me!"
Short Cake, Tall Drdee
Customer: "Excuse me?"
He: “Good afternoon, ma' am. How can f help you?"
Customer: “I' d like a cake made. Can you make a cake in
about so minutes?"
He: “Unfortunately, we have no available decorators at this
time. I can certainly take an order for tomorrow morning,
Customer: “No! That' s unacceptable! I refuse to be treated
differently just because Cm Jewish!"
Me: “I' m also a Jew, but the issue is that I don' t have the
proper training to make a cake for you at this time. I can place
an order for you, but can do little more than that."
Customer: “No, forget it. I refuse to be discriminated like this!
He: "Have a nice day, and happy Hanukkah!"
Customer: "What the h'"'"'" is Hanukkah?!"
Finely Gets The Joint
A customer enters the shop and smells strongly of
Customer: "Can I get a pack of cigarette papers?"
He: “Sure. Do you need any loose cigarette tobacco?"
Customer: "Why would I want that?"
Me: “For the cigarette papers."
Customer: "What? You can make cigarettes with them?!"