Why im not in the kitchen

First time I made pasta by myself I had to call my mom about 8 times and describe the water to her to know if it was boiling.

> Friend and I wanted to make some Tostitos pizza rolls
Instructions: 10 minutes in toaster oven
Friend: A toaster oven's pretty much a microwave, right?
Me: Yeah, probably.
> Put pizza rolls in microwave and set for 10 minutes
> Go watch tv in other room
> 5 minutes later smoke is filling the room.
> SHITSHITSHIT
> Throw charred pile of black pizza rolls into garbage (after it cooled)
> Spend 45 minutes trying to mask the smell of smoke throughout the whole house
> Look behind microwave
> Giant scorch mark on wall
> We almost burnt the house down making pizza rolls. In a microwave.
> Our faces when

Story time with 4chan image board arrows? Story time with 4chan image board arrows.

>Be 12 years old, playing on the computer with friend
>Hungry as fuck
>Proceed to raid the fridge
>"Hey, I can make this make this!"
>3 pound pork chop
>Bring it to the barbecue
>Proceed to take lighter fluid, unscrew the top, and dump a large portion of it on the coals
>Turn the fuel output valve on
>Stick a barbecue lighter in
>Gigantic fucking fire raging inside of the barbecue
>"OH FUCK WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO?"
>I proceed to beat the fire with the pork chop
>Hand get's burnt, so I drop it in
>Begin beating it with a shovel
>Eventually, the fire goes out
>Pork chop fell to the ground
>I pick it up and inspect it
>Proceed to eat it
>Creeper comes up behind me and blows up
>I lose my diamond pickax and my map
>Last heart
>All of my rage

I once boiled an egg for an hour and twenty minutes.

When I first moved in with my girlfriend 11 years ago. She put a Chicken pot pike in the MICROWAVE for 45 mins.



(Side note: They came in little metal pie pans back then)

>hungry
>let's make some bacon
>turn gas on
>for some reason fire won't go on
>stupid me still leaves the gas on
>trying to turn it on for 5 minutes
>finally got fire
>fuckyes.jpg
>fire transforms into explosion
>whole kitchen was black
>got burned

>MFW i'm stupid enough to not know that you should turn the gas off, else you'll get an explosion when you set it on fire...

>Be 14
>Fuck it lets make bacon
>Empty whole package in fryer turn on high heat
>Cook cook flip
>Repeat
>10 minutes of this and bacon still isn't crunchy
>WTF bacon
>Cook for 10 more minutes not understanding why bacon isn't crunchy yet
>WOOSH fire
>Fuck Fuck Fuck, can't find the flour, here's some sugar
>Throw sugar on the fire
>Spend next 3 1/2 hours scraping melted sugar out of oven
>MFW I found out that Bacon gets crunchy when pulled out of the fryer

>Study on vocational school
>Make food for ~400 students/day, or 60 teachers in school's restaurant
> 2 - 4 days a week
>Come home, get hungry.
>Mfw I've cooked so much food in past days that I've lost my passion to make any food for myself

i burnt a hot pocket.....

this show...

no problem.

Oh goddongit:
-This gif didn't need that frame
-lolthatsme
-fuck you

Cooking my own dinner.

Hells yea I'm a chemist.