Well alright then

Someone use the 9gag meme does this look like le face of mercy on it XDD

PENIS

Stop Right There Criminal Scum,

My name is Imperial Guard, and I hate every single one of you. All of you are low endurance, low intelligence troublemakers who spend every second of their day looking for laws to break. You are everything bad in Tamriel. Honestly, have any of you ever bought something? I mean, I guess it's fun stealing shopkeepers' property because of your low score in mercantile, but you all take to a whole new level. This is even worse than pickpocketing wandering traders when no guards are around.

Don't be a criminal. Just hit anyone within eyesight. I'm pretty much perfect. I was captain of the running team, and starter on my shouting team. What sports do you play, other than "commit senseless acts of violence and theft against those who cannot defend themselves"? I also have full Imperial Armor, and have arrested the hero many times (She just paid the fine; Shit was SO gold). You are all criminals who should have just payed the fine. Thanks for listening.

Pic Related: It's me apprehending a criminal.

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your little miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you could have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my herd in the Navy Moose, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret migrations to the watering hole, and I have over 300 confirmed tramplings. I am trained in moose warfare and I’m the top mounter in the entire United Moose armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another fleshbag. I will wipe you the fuck out with goring the likes of which has never been seen before in this forest, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of moose across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the stampede, human. The stampede that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can trample you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hooves. Not only am I extensively trained in unhooved combat, but I have access to the entire herd of the United States Moose Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your little miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you could have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you moosedamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, human.