I have Borderline Personality Disorder(Oh you have other personalities? No, shut the fuck up, educate yourself instead of basing your knowledge on one one word.) I haven't been able to keep a steady relationship because of it, no matter how much a girl cares for me they can't put up with it or my brain makes me think breaking up with them is a good idea. I've recently started cutting, which is stupid, I know, I hate myself for it. I hate myself for a lot of things actually. But there a mass amount of people who see me as a saint, some sort of light. I stay up, night after night, helping people through their problems, taking their stress for them. I never tell them when somethings wrong with me, they can barely handle themselves. I can't tell anyone anything. When I do they start cutting, or doing drugs, or attempting suicide. Every hour I'm asleep is an hour that somebodies life depends on. I've been contemplating suicide actually, not in a "My life is awful, I can't take it way." more of a "That's a viable option, I should consider that." kind of way. But, I have to much pride and caring for myself and others to be a coward like that, and deep down I know this. But I still entertain the thought, which isn't healthy. I hate having so many people around but I'm terrified of being alone, I miss a lot of my exes, I hate myself. INB4 First World problems, I don't give a shit. Don't need advice, just venting. I'm not kidding either, I really don't want advice but, hey, it's the internet, say whatever you want.