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#11 - noshizl
Reply +59
(05/03/2013) [-]
Sit down kiddos, I got a story

At the time, I was underage, just get home for spring break, no plans.
Get invited to party, we live in a country town, population 1000, easy to avoid trouble
Friend John has random from college
5 of us bros, show up at party, maxxin all cool
Dominate pong, nbd
John gets way too drunk, Random say's he'll stop drinking to drive
Go outside to get stoned, other bros don't smoke
John comes out with an empty vodka bottle
Asks "Where's Jordan"
"Dude he left like, an hour ago"
"AHHHH ******" and chucks bottle onto porch
Glass everywhere, people look out at noise, play it cool like nothing happened
John continues partying
1 hour later, hosts daddy shuts us down, drunkies were spilling **** on the floor and ****
"Party is over until this place gets cleaned up!"
People start cleaning, **** that.
Random brings John too me, almost passed out.
Need to leave, pronto.
Get him outside, he takes off
Bounces off car, sets off the alarm, dislocates shoulder

---cont---
#12 to #11 - noshizl
Reply +44
(05/03/2013) [-]
I jump on him, pop his shoulder back, he screams, shoves me off, runs to barn
Leans on bar, pisses, says his shoulder hurts.
Starts crying, "Dude my parents, they're gonna know man!"
Get him to car, toss Random my keys, lets go.
Riding, John says, "Dude, Aly was soo hot, I just wanna **** her"
We know man, we know.
Get to town, Random doesn't see speed limit change from 55 to 25
*WEEEEWOOOOWEEEEWWOOOO*
Middle of town, Main Street. **** **** ****.
License and registration, blah blah blah.
John was laying on the floor in backseat, covered by my luggage from college.
PASSED OUT, UNSEEN
Officer smells beer, takes Random out
Hear pig ask, "Have you been drinking?"
"No sir"
"Has your passenger?"
...
"It's only worse if you lie"
"Yes he has"
OK, know I'm not lying now.

---cont---
#13 to #12 - noshizl
Reply +45
(05/03/2013) [-]
Brings me out of car, get my ID.
"Have you been drinking?"
"Yes sir"
"And how old are you?"
"18 sir"
Looks at me. Goes back to Random
Gives him a sobriety test, passes.
Get back in car, John starts moving
"John stay still, the cops right behind us and doesn't know you're in here!"
"Duuuuuuuuuuuddeeeeeeeeeeeee"
"SHUT THE **** UP JOHN!"
Stuff his mouth, he's still squirming
"John if you don't stop I'm dumping you in the dam"
Finally stops I see cop walk up to window.
"Alright guys, I see you're just trying to do the right thing, so this is only a ticket for violating a safety sign, the lowest offense"
Thanks officer, be on our merry way

---cont---

----cont---
#14 to #13 - noshizl
Reply +55
(05/03/2013) [-]
Bonus ending:

End up at buddy's place where we stay the night
Pull into driveway as John upchucks on my seat and center console
Angry Drunk engage
Rip John out of car, kick his ribs, throw him against a tree.
He loses shoe, I drag him to the camper and throw him in bed.

Extra bonus:

2 hours later, he wakes up, stands in the middle of camper like a possessed bitch.
I'm worried, he's acting too normal.
"I'm thristy"
I get up, grab cup
He insta-pukes as I thrust the cup to his lips, capturing all the vomit
Hold the cup to his lips, still Angry Drunk
He says thanks, goes back to his bed.

---End---
#16 to #14 - sobriety
Reply +28
(05/03/2013) [-]
Having this name usually gets me to sad stories... This tho, **** was so cash
#41 to #14 - garymotherfingoak
Reply +2
(05/03/2013) [-]
that was a good story, only 1 problem:
>Gives him a sobriety test, passes.
I call ********, sobriety tests are as unpassable as Jim Crow literacy tests
#26 to #14 - gespony
Reply +1
(05/03/2013) [-]
a sobriety test, is that like touching your nose while standing on one foot, or an actual test were they measure the amount of alcohol in your breath?
I always wanted to know if they really do those things in america
#35 to #26 - comehonorfacetwice
Reply +2
(05/03/2013) [-]
They do both in America. While it is easy to pass the cognitive test (walk the line, nose touching, follow the light with your eyes without moving your head etc.) they for some reason still insist on breathalyzing. Personally, I don't see a reason for both, unless the person blows a BAC under the limit (.08) but appears intoxicated. For people under the age of 21, they perform the cognitive test, then regardless of how you do, they breathalyze you (which I find pointless, either he's drunk and broke the law or he's sober and who gives a **** if he can't walk straight).
#55 to #35 - gespony
Reply 0
(05/03/2013) [-]
heh, funny, in belgium they use breathalyzing straight away, no matter how your cognitive skills are, and after 2 beers you're allready over the maximum :(
#52 to #26 - mctrollston
Reply 0
(05/03/2013) [-]
breathalyzer test is the one where you blow in the tube. field sobriety test is where they have you do ****
#27 to #26 - sparkieemae
Reply 0
(05/03/2013) [-]
Both they measure the alcohol on your breath and your cognition by having you walk a straight line, touch your nose, etc
#22 to #14 - thelordofbutthurt
Reply -6
(05/03/2013) [-]
Tl;DR
#15 - africanking
Reply +43
(05/03/2013) [-]
"cuz you want some of this long dick"
#20 to #15 - EnergizierAnon
Reply +8
(05/03/2013) [-]
All Right, All Right, All Riiiiiight!!! You gon' learn today...
#36 to #20 - studbeefpile ONLINE
Reply 0
(05/03/2013) [-]
Kevin Hart is ******* hilarious.
Kevin Hart is ******* hilarious.
#33 to #20 - pudingcade
Reply 0
(05/03/2013) [-]
you gon learn wat big dick look like all right all right all riiiiiiight
#24 to #20 - dagreatmax
Reply 0
(05/03/2013) [-]
oh **** you hurt my sides man real hard.
oh **** you hurt my sides man real hard.
#56 to #24 - EnergizierAnon
Reply 0
(05/03/2013) [-]
was that a good hurt?
#57 to #56 - dagreatmax
Reply 0
(05/03/2013) [-]
Well I couldn't breath and I woke up everybody in the house at around 7am
#58 to #57 - EnergizierAnon
Reply 0
(05/03/2013) [-]
well, sounds like a success then.
#59 to #58 - dagreatmax
Reply 0
(05/03/2013) [-]
More like got an asswhoopin.... You don't know what could happen to you when you wake up a russian mother at the wrong time
#2 - basilbrush
Reply +21
(05/03/2013) [-]
The .gif in the post if anyone cares.
The .gif in the post if anyone cares.
#29 - daphnie
Reply +18
(05/03/2013) [-]
Not really a drunk driving story, but one of my most spontaneous drunk stories!

>Be me, 16
>Good friend just turned 18
>Had a lot of left over money from birthday and SU (Danish Education Support)
>wanted to spend it with me
>Friend and I decides to get drunk
>Go out to buy more beer
>walk past a couple of stores
>Friend stops me
>Looks at me dead in the eyes
>"What animal have you always wanted as a pet?"
>"I always wanted a python as a kid. Why do you ask?"
>"Stay here"
>mfw my friend walks out with a FREAKING red rat snake 15 minutes later and hands it over
#53 to #29 - incest
Reply +1
(05/03/2013) [-]
Did you... Did you keep it?
Did you... Did you keep it?
#60 to #53 - daphnie
Reply +2
(05/03/2013) [-]
No, unfortunately not... My mum has a terrible phobia of snakes, and when I came home to reveal my gift, she literally jumped onto the kitchen table and kicked me out... So I had a good friend of mine who owns a lot of pet snakes take care of it for me and I still visit every now and then to say hello to him.
#1 - heartlessrobot
Reply +8
(05/03/2013) [-]
This image has expired
He's in the passenger seat in the picture.
#18 to #1 - europe
Reply +2
(05/03/2013) [-]
#30 to #18 - doldis
Reply +1
(05/03/2013) [-]
Source?
#42 to #18 - erotictentacle
Reply 0
(05/03/2013) [-]
#37 - avatarsarefornoobs
Reply +3
(05/03/2013) [-]
some people give me a hard time about being teetotal, they say im boring   
   
   
   
better boring then in deep **** any day if you ask me
some people give me a hard time about being teetotal, they say im boring



better boring then in deep **** any day if you ask me
#31 - gookhan
Reply +3
(05/03/2013) [-]
**gookhan rolled a random image posted in comment #16 at Approach **
#17 - tarnis
Reply +3
(05/03/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#3 - gutlocker
Reply +2
(05/03/2013) [-]
This honestly made me die laughing for some reason. Today OP was cool
#25 to #3 - starshroom
Reply 0
(05/03/2013) [-]
rip gutlocker
honestly :)
#28 - CactusFantastico
Reply +1
(05/03/2013) [-]
best post I've seen this week
#54 - therealrooster
Reply 0
(05/03/2013) [-]
Gif. Related
Gif. Related
#51 - jacodpwns
Reply 0
(05/03/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#43 - anon
Reply 0
(05/03/2013) [-]
This was posted yesterday, you cock inhaling faggot.
#40 - craazhy
Reply 0
(05/03/2013) [-]
we (a circle of my friend) used to hang out with a guy who was nearly clinically retarded, but could still communicate like a normal human being. he was a pretty normal guy for the most part, until he got drunk at which point he would hang his dick over people's shoulders if they sat on couches. it had to be upwards of seven inches flacid. most people acted disgusted, but by the end of the party, he walked away with a lady for night time company, or three.

god bless that retarded mother ******.
#38 - flixoe
Reply 0
(05/03/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#34 - giggitygil
Reply 0
(05/03/2013) [-]
**giggitygil rolled a random image posted in comment #1773089 at Friendly ** mfw
#32 - anon
Reply 0
(05/03/2013) [-]
**anonymous rolls 38** durbs n i delete account
#21 - doyoulikeapizza
Reply -5
(05/03/2013) [-]
**doyoulikeapizza rolled a random image posted in comment #26709 at Religion Board **