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User avatar #58 - coliyo (01/22/2013) [-]
>Be in my house
> sudden urge to ****
> go to the bathroom and sit down on the toilet
> I release the kraken, the doors have been opened, the 16 seals broken.
>I start to feel emptier and emptier inside I was ******** more than in my entire life.
>I though that **** was going to ,literaly , overload the toilet
>I wasn't wrong

>MFW it was all a dream
>MFW I **** my bed
>MFW I have no face

+22
#56 - deltadevilbladebtu **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
#73 to #56 - nightstar (01/22/2013) [-]
I'm impressed you clogged a toilet with a pudding like substance.
+6
#79 to #73 - deltadevilbladebtu **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #61 to #56 - tropicanaboy (01/22/2013) [-]
IM CHOKING ON SPAGHETTI ASSHOLE
User avatar #52 - Lintutu (01/22/2013) [-]
Thumbed because of comments
#51 - tharic (01/22/2013) [-]
>Be in granparents' house   
>Have farting problems entire day   
>Go to the bathroom, thinking that I just had to release the turds a little bit   
>No success   
>Force it out like a child about to leave me   
>Still no success   
>Think it was jsut a false alarm   
>Lay down in stomach down   
>Just in my boxers   
>Release a fart   
>Ohmygodthatsnotafart   
>						****					 all over myself and bed    
>Lock room door until grandparents leave   
>They finally go to store   
>Run outside to throw everything away in dumpster   
>Grandpa returns because he forgot his wallet   
>Just stand there holding mattress with 						****					 sliding down mattress and legs   
>Completely paralyzed as I make eye contact with grandpa as I just stand there holding a shat on mattress and completely 						****					 filled boxers   
>mfw he asked if everything was okay
>Be in granparents' house
>Have farting problems entire day
>Go to the bathroom, thinking that I just had to release the turds a little bit
>No success
>Force it out like a child about to leave me
>Still no success
>Think it was jsut a false alarm
>Lay down in stomach down
>Just in my boxers
>Release a fart
>Ohmygodthatsnotafart
> **** all over myself and bed
>Lock room door until grandparents leave
>They finally go to store
>Run outside to throw everything away in dumpster
>Grandpa returns because he forgot his wallet
>Just stand there holding mattress with **** sliding down mattress and legs
>Completely paralyzed as I make eye contact with grandpa as I just stand there holding a shat on mattress and completely **** filled boxers
>mfw he asked if everything was okay
#53 to #51 - nadastress (01/22/2013) [-]
Hahahaha!
#49 - sphinxe (01/22/2013) [-]
Considering everyone is going into massive detail about their ***** , well:

> Have IBS
> IBS basically means explosive diarrhoea like all the time
> Moved to a house where the only toilet is all the way through one room, downstairs and through another to even get to it
> So many close calls you wouldn't believe
> Finally move to another house
> Upstairs bathroom
> Sensor flush
> Handles because my mum has false hips and **** and can't move much
> Walk in shower

MFW

I know it's sad, but I honestly was excited about the bathroom being about 3 metres away from my room.
User avatar #50 to #49 - Nullifier (01/22/2013) [-]
On the topic of IBS...have you found any specific dietary modifications that help at all? I've heard eat a lot of fruit, fiber doesn't help, things like that...but nobody exactly has had the same symptoms so i'm not sure if they'll work..Doesn't help that mine seems to be caused by nerves half the time.
User avatar #113 to #50 - sphinxe (01/22/2013) [-]
Stress and nerves are an absolute killer, you'll tend to have problems if there's a lot of stress in your life.
However, I've found when I cut out lactose like altogether I felt better, after I like barfed strawberries and cream once - that was like it for me.
I also take something called Mebeverine 20 minutes before eating, it can be a pain if you have to sit there and wait for it to work, but if you time it right I've found it can help, you can buy it in pharmacies or your doctor can perscribe it for you. Basically it stops your stomach from cramping up and you know the rest.
Fiber is good, but at the same time too much can just cause the same problems as no fiber at all. You can get enough from breakfast cereals (I tend to have mine with lactose free milk, works a charm and tastes the same)
So you can try going without stuff like milk and cheese and see if you have the same problems, IBS and lactose intolerance have quite a correlation, if not gradually reintroduce them.
It's a bit of a hit and miss thing for me and a lot of people, it can be annoying but food diaries help too.
#48 - xxxsonic fanxxx (01/22/2013) [-]
One time, when I was very young, I was being too hyper and my mother told me to lay down on the couch and not get up until my dad got home from work. I took her orders too literally and ended up ******** my pants while waiting for my dad to come home.
#44 - TheUsername (01/22/2013) [-]
>be me
>around 5 years old
>at the bank with brother who is a year older
>also with mom and grandpa
>they are doing bank and money ****
>there's a computer with internet access
> ************* .jpeg
>my brother and i go on it
>only one chair
>my brother goes on first
>he's sitting, im standing
>need to **** real bad
>no restroom to be seen
>too shy to ask
>big black guy on another computer next to us
>he's doing bank/money **** too
>can't hold massive **** any longer
>it's coming!
> **** so much
>i can fee it pushing my pants
>immediately move my brother off the chair and I sit down.
>black guy, "WHOA! Did y'all fart?! Smells like someone pooped their pants!"
User avatar #45 to #44 - TheUsername (01/22/2013) [-]
>pokerface.jpeg
>blame it on my brother
>coincidentally, he farted
>he apologizes
>phew.
>time to go
>walk all weird to the car.
>sit down again
>i can feel the poop squishing and moving around in my pants
>ohgod.jpeg
>mom, "what is that smell!?"
>"mom, i pooped my pants"
>" **** "
>get home
>gets naked
>mom bathes me
>still smells like ****
>i don't know how to end this
User avatar #82 to #45 - arnolducus (01/22/2013) [-]
usually your mom would end up asking for tree-fiddy or a dinosaur would be walked
User avatar #43 - herpaderpnugget (01/22/2013) [-]
Never done one of these so forgive me if its long
>First time snowboarding as a kid
>Always had stomach problems, IBS or something idk
>Decided to try out the big slope
>Got on the lift
>Felt stomach gurgle, thought nothing of it
>Got to the top of the slope
>As I start my way down, my bowels gave a gut wrenching war cry
> ******************
>I learned that I have to swerve back and forth to snowboard
>" **** it" I bolt straight down the mountain, break neck speeds
>Get to the bottom
>Scrambling for bathroom
>As I get my board off, Hershey squirts spew into my pants
>Hide from everyone as I get into bathroom
>Get in first stall, no toilet paper
>Sneak into second and start cleaning up
>Throw underwear in garbage
>Somehow manage to get **** ... all over the walls...
>As I was washing my hands, janitor comes in, looks at the stall and just sighs and shakes his head
>Run out of bathroom
>Heading home, mom was taking off the layers of snowboarding clothes
>"Huh I think you stepped in dog **** "
#63 to #43 - dracogenetecist (01/22/2013) [-]
>Hershey squirts
#55 to #43 - nadastress (01/22/2013) [-]
Impressive.
User avatar #38 - iliekcereal (01/22/2013) [-]
>me, third grade
>at student council meeting
>furiously need to ****
>scared of public restrooms (i was a weird ****** )
>leave meeting several times to try to evacuate my bowels
>come back each time disappointed
>ass can't handle it, **** myself in the middle of meeting, right by everyone else
>what the **** do i do now?
>stay for rest of meeting
>mom picks me up
>"Oh god, what in the **** is that smell?"
>"Mom, i **** my pants."
#67 to #38 - powellrebecca (01/22/2013) [-]
oh god im dying that was glorious.   
   
"Mom, I 						****					 my pants." HAHA
oh god im dying that was glorious.

"Mom, I **** my pants." HAHA
User avatar #37 - Sinless (01/22/2013) [-]
Am I the only one who has never had explosive diarrhea like everyone else in the comments section?
User avatar #54 to #37 - pleasureabledino (01/22/2013) [-]
Yes. Yes you are, you lucky bastard. Be glad. For me it's like someone is holding a blowtorch to my butthole. The burning doesn't stop for 10 minutes some times....but it feels soooo much longer :c
User avatar #57 to #54 - Sinless (01/22/2013) [-]
Sweet Jesus, that sounds like some sort of Russian torture
User avatar #41 to #37 - herpaderpnugget (01/22/2013) [-]
Yes.
User avatar #36 - waffies (01/22/2013) [-]
is this the original "hero" comic?
User avatar #35 - kibi (01/22/2013) [-]
When I first moved to America, one of the first meals was McDonald's ( half joke, half we couldn't find anything else). The problem is. McDonald's in my homeland is very different. It's about a third less greasy. I did not know this, and it tasted ******* amazing so I kept eating.

What I'm trying to say is I had crazy greasy diarrhea ***** . AMERICA WHOOP.
#29 - PedoNazi (01/22/2013) [-]
>be in Lebanon for summer vacation
>family and I staying in fancy hotel for one night
>we decide to sit outside next to the pool at night
>feeling to **** hits me like a bullet train
>it catches me off guard so it literally scared the **** out of me
>I quickly get up to go to the elevator
>awkwardly ride it to the 6th floor with **** still in my pants
>get to our room
>it's ******* locked
>another awkward ride down
>ask my mom for the key to our room
>make it to the bathroom and fire out diarrhea for 6 minutes
>underwear has **** in it
>panic and put it in the sink and try to wash it off with soap and ****
>eventually give up and get a new pair from suitcase and switch them
>spray cologne and **** so no one will ever know
>mfw
#47 to #29 - azsx (01/22/2013) [-]
whats spraying **** on **** gonna help?
User avatar #62 to #47 - PedoNazi (01/22/2013) [-]
it was better smelling ****
#98 to #62 - azsx (01/22/2013) [-]
oh ok
#34 to #29 - littlenish (01/22/2013) [-]
Sorta know that feel:
>Be in Florida for vacation with extended family
>Goto Denny's before we goto the house
>Eat tons of Chicken Strips
>Finally get to house
>Check it out before unpacking
>Muscles contract in my lower intestine, rapidly pushing **** to my rectum
>I sprint for the bathroom
>Blow what feels like liquid **** out my ass for 45 seconds
>Get up, flush, toilet doesn't flush due to the massive amount of faecal matter in the pipes
>toilet overflows, sending ass tea all over the floor, leakes into the hallway
>Didn't call repair man, sprayed 2 bottles of Lysol in hallway
>When we leave, smell is permantly soaked into carpet, we leave at the end of week
>Next family has to smell my ass explosion for the duration of their visit
#40 to #34 - PedoNazi (01/22/2013) [-]
jesus christ
jesus christ
#27 - felixjarl (01/21/2013) [-]
This image has expired
A true warrior of the web does not pause his game to defecate
#26 - merrymarvelite (01/21/2013) [-]
MFW PFFFRRRTTTT.
MFW PFFFRRRTTTT.
#25 - chopyourhandoff (01/21/2013) [-]
MFW clean underwear
MFW clean underwear
User avatar #20 - antigravitycake (01/21/2013) [-]
every time i get bummed.
#18 - yoh **User deleted account** (01/21/2013) [-]
>Be me 16 rehabilitation hospital
>fart about to come up
>oh **** that's not a fart
> diarrhea slowly coming out of my ass
> Clenching ass cheeks
>run to restroom
>realize younger sibling is in there
>other bathroom too far can't make it
> **** it try to make it
>start ******** more in pants
>thisisbad.jgp
>still clenching ass cheeks as tight as possible
>no one is inside
>head to stall
> realize I can't bend down without letting it all out
> **** it
>bend down diarrhea imedietly shoots out
>sit down and finishes my ****
>revealed as hell
>turns around
>realized I completely miss toiled and it hit the wall
>oh **** im out
>few minutes go by and im relieved
>suddenly intercom saying someone to clean up the restroom
>mfw someone is cleaning my **** on the wall
User avatar #23 to #18 - gameshredder (01/21/2013) [-]
Speaking of **** on walls:
>In school bathroom
> ******** in one of the stalls
>Another kid walks into the bathroom
>Takes stall next to mine
>5 minutes go by
>"GOD ******* DAMMIT! HOW DID I NOT NOTICE NO TOILET PAPER!"
>Hear him get up
>Hear him place his hand into the toilet
>he charges out of the stall
>see his feet shuffling along the walls
>hear him leave
>I finish and walk out of stall
>"STALLS NEED TOILET PAPER" written in big letters in **** on the wall
User avatar #22 to #18 - ishalltroll (01/21/2013) [-]
When I was in hospital for 10 weeks, like 5 of which i was in a coma and I was constantly fed by a feeding tube, I actually had a ******** tube too.
So I could just **** away, which was ******* hard though because you have to push the already released **** through the pipe.
User avatar #115 to #96 - ishalltroll (01/22/2013) [-]
I also had a urine catheter. It was a little tube going up my urethra pretty much.
When it was finally removable as my condition got better, the head nurse pulled it out with maximum force.
I was only 8 but oh god did that hurt.
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