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#398 - attentivecrane
Reply +2
(01/22/2013) [-]
But can they see the great taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch?
#385 - mrnoodlez
Reply +2
(01/22/2013) [-]
Heres one from Cracked


Sergeant Baker was part of a combined Army and Marine Corps expedition to capture the Mariana Island of Saipan from the Japanese. In the days prior to his final stand, when his squad was pinned down by heavy machine gun fire, Baker grabbed a rocket launcher, ran within 100 yards of the Japanese bunker and turned it into cinder-block dust with one shot.

On the day he died, Baker found himself facing down an INSANE banzai charge of roughly 5,000 Japanese infantrymen flying bayonet-first out of the jungles and screaming, "Long Live the Emperor" Imperial Space Marine-style. Seeing the enemy closing in on three sides, Baker simply cracked his knuckles, swore under his breath and changed a clip into his weapon.

The initial wave left Baker seriously wounded by enemy rifle fire, but he refused to run or back down or show any emotion other than anger. He stood his ground, firing like crazy with any weapons he could get his hands on, sometimes from as close as point-blank range. When he ran out of bullets, he Hulked up (Banner or Hogan, your choice) and beat off the attack with his hands, an admittedly ballsy move that left him even more ****** up.

His weapon was smashed and he was bleeding profusely from a number of gaping wounds when some of his men came up and started carrying him from the battlefield. By this time the perimeter was buckling, the fight was lost and the Americans were falling back to regroup, but Baker didn't give a ****. He knew that dragging his half-dead ass along the ground was only slowing down the withdrawal, so he told his men to prop him up against a tree facing the enemy. He borrowed a Colt 1911, made sure that it had a full eight-round clip and told his men to get the **** out of there while he bought them some time.
#386 to #385 - mrnoodlez
Reply +2
(01/22/2013) [-]
When the final American advance pushed forward and captured Saipan later that same month, they found Sergeant Baker's body propped up against the tree, facing his enemies right where they'd left him. The eight rounds they'd left him with meanwhile, were now in the eight dead Japanese soldiers scattered before him.





"Another comrade, withdrawing, offered assistance. Sgt. Baker refused, insisting that he be left alone and be given a soldier's pistol with its remaining eight rounds of ammunition. When last seen alive, Sgt. Baker was propped against a tree, pistol in hand, calmly facing the foe. Later Sgt. Baker's body was found in the same position, gun empty, with eight Japanese lying dead before him. His deeds were in keeping with the highest traditions of the U.S. Army."
- Medal of Honor citation

Read more: You need to login to view this link
#356 - alphawolffifteen
Reply +2
(01/22/2013) [-]
Okay....
The #5 guy had the highest kill cam and had an epic, mysterious name to him...probably the coolest, and maybe should be #1.
#4 Is a complete boss. I mean who can take on 4 people with their bare hands, with several bullet wounds? Not even Hollywood heroes can pull that off very often.
#3 was just stupid...he may have been kind of cool, but he was obviously stupid.
#2 was pretty beast, but didn't deserve second place.
#1 was also awesome, but MUST have been really lucky not to have been hit by a ton of bullets.
Should go in this order from worst to best: #3, #2, #1, #4, #5
#4 isn't the best, I think, simply because he had to have been really lucky to not have had any vital organs shot, with 10-15 bullets in him.
#363 to #356 - transformicepro
Reply 0
(01/22/2013) [-]
With #5, I couldn't agree more. He would kick all the other #'s asses.
#418 to #356 - alphawolffifteen
Reply 0
(01/22/2013) [-]
Highest kill count*...I'm not a COD fag...
#325 - thessalonaki
Reply +2
(01/22/2013) [-]
************, DID YOU JUST LEAVE THE ******* VIKING AT STAMFORD BRIDGE OFF OF THAT LIST? Alright, well let's tell a ******* story.

This sexy ass George Clooney looking ************ is one of the most badass soldiers in history. He was a badass while these pansy ass milk drinkers were suckling at their daddy's teats and ******** in a bucket taped to the bottom of their asses playing World of Porncraft. When a tough ******* Saxon army came rampaging down a Viking campsite in 1066, those pansy disgraces to Odin retreated across the Stamford Bridge. AND THEN THERE'S THIS DEMI GOD ************. This ABSOLUTE BADASS stood, ALONE, against the ENTIRE SAXON ******* ARMY. He held of those ******* for hours, swinging his big ass axe about and singing Twilight of the Thunder God by Amon Amarth with Sasha Grey and Bree Olson on their knees infront of him giving him head. Then some scumbag floated a barrel downstream and shoved a spear up through the bridge into this guy's titanium ballsack. You can bet this ****** is in Valhalla.
#329 to #325 - anon
Reply 0
(01/22/2013) [-]
no man, just no
#333 to #329 - thessalonaki
Reply 0
(01/22/2013) [-]
Why the **** not?
#344 to #333 - sytheris
Reply 0
(01/22/2013) [-]
Because you made it sound like ********.
#345 to #344 - thessalonaki
Reply 0
(01/22/2013) [-]
That was part of the joke. Here's a more detailed/less exaggerated version.

http://www.badassoftheweek.com/stamfordbridge.html
#422 to #345 - sytheris
Reply 0
(01/22/2013) [-]
I get that, but when the joke goes far enough to make it sound like you are just making the entire story up, it backfires. Friendly advice.
#293 - xfresherassassinx
Reply +2
(01/22/2013) [-]
But seriously this was awesome
But seriously this was awesome
#246 - nyanpoptart
Reply +2
(01/21/2013) [-]
"Either too dead"
How dead can you be?
#276 to #246 - anon
Reply 0
(01/22/2013) [-]
you could be not so dead like if you just had a heart attack or something like that.... or you could be blown to **** and half your body spread over a 1 mile area.... now you know.
#306 to #246 - jamesrustler
Reply +1
(01/22/2013) [-]
It seems that there are levels
#256 to #246 - Silverboss
Reply +2
(01/21/2013) [-]
deader
#207 - osusuckeyes
Reply +2
(01/21/2013) [-]
I came to FJ to laugh, not to read
#201 - bitchplzzz
Reply +2
(01/21/2013) [-]
The last guy is ******* awesome
#154 - nemecyst
Reply +2
(01/21/2013) [-]
This image has expired
Holy ****. Thats just....

****.
#148 - spookyisjack
Reply +2
(01/21/2013) [-]
I smell cracked OP
#103 - anon
Reply 0
(01/21/2013) [-]
1. Its jacked from You need to login to view this link 2. **** there is no point of putting "the white death" on here, I swear the only people who haven't heard of him are those who either do not have access to internet, did not get educated or got educated in the US, where the only crap they learn for history is their old presidents and thanksgiving
#217 to #103 - thehornedking
Reply 0
(01/21/2013) [-]
#162 to #103 - patrickmiller
Reply +2
(01/21/2013) [-]
HEY DON'T YOU BADMOUTH THANKSGIVING YOU HEARTLESS MOTHER ******!
#96 - fukkenname
Reply +2
(01/21/2013) [-]
That Indian guy took a lot of shots to the groin...



he probably also killed some of my relatives. Viva la Pakistan
#52 - everheat
Reply +2
(01/21/2013) [-]
Suomi mainittu!
#73 to #52 - spongen
Reply +2
(01/21/2013) [-]
#48 - zombiebacon
Reply +2
(01/21/2013) [-]
Why does no comp about badass soldiers ever include John Chard?
He was the commanding soldier at Rorke's Drift in Africa, where he was in charge of about 100 soldiers.
Now, some Africans didn't like the British being in Africa, especially the Zulus. So you know what they did? They attacked the 100 soldiers. With how many Zulu warriors? Over ******************** warriors.
And the Zulus lost.
Lieutenant John Chard managed to fend off over 10,000 Zulu warriors with only him and about 100 British soldiers.
Plus it made for a badass movie.
#50 to #48 - anon
Reply 0
(01/21/2013) [-]
Also he was a Royal Engineer. Not belittling what they do, I hope to join one day, but just that he wasn't even a combat soldier.
#372 - sherlockbatman
Reply +1
(01/22/2013) [-]
#352 - deltadevilbladebtu **User deleted account**
-1
has deleted their comment [-]
#364 to #352 - thatonewhitekid
Reply 0
(01/22/2013) [-]
go back and re-read it, and then reconsider your comment.
#367 to #364 - deltadevilbladebtu **User deleted account**
+1
has deleted their comment [-]
#371 to #367 - thatonewhitekid
Reply 0
(01/22/2013) [-]
its okay, i read it like that too but couldnt comprehend it lol
#266 - suckmyballss
Reply +1
(01/22/2013) [-]
Here's another badass story.

Boudica was bad-ass.

Boudica’s husband was the King of the Icenii which were allies to Rome and paid some allegiance. When he died, he left his kingdom to his two daughters and to the Roman Emperor, to be ruled jointly as it had been for years.

The Romans ignored this. They annexed his lands, all loans were called in, Queen Boudica was flogged, and then her daughters were raped in front of her.

Boudica said, “**** these *************.” and led a revolt of the Iceni and other tribes that resulted in the cities Camulodunum ( Colchester ), Londinium ( London ), and Verulamium ( St. Albans ) being sacked and burned to the ground. About 70,000 - 80,000 people were killed.

Boudica was ******* up **** so bad that Nero very nearly pulled all Roman forces out of Britain. Her armies were eventually defeated, but she didn’t go down without making sure the Romans felt it.
#262 - mooghens
Reply +1
(01/22/2013) [-]
You could at least make a slight effort to disguise that you just copied every ******* word from Cracked.com. Guess you were too busy bothering with all those dicks.
You could at least make a slight effort to disguise that you just copied every ******* word from Cracked.com. Guess you were too busy bothering with all those dicks.
#135 - ompalomper
Reply +1
(01/21/2013) [-]
they should call that last guy "the hulk"

"oh look they are surrendering"
*kills his mate*
*kills everything in sight*
"we are severely outnumbered but we need to hold, wreak that tank"
*they die doing it*
*kills every single ************ with the machine gun attached to the tank they just wreaked which is on fire and can blow any second*