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#91 - qjmihuia has deleted their comment [-]
#90 - meteorswarm (01/04/2013) [-]
>Pathfinder   
>Fellow player builds crit machine archer   
>Invites me to duel before we begin session   
>am a wizard(no damage output), he thinks he's already won   
>I win initiative, cast sleep   
>coup de gras   
>win, watch him get pissed off
>Pathfinder
>Fellow player builds crit machine archer
>Invites me to duel before we begin session
>am a wizard(no damage output), he thinks he's already won
>I win initiative, cast sleep
>coup de gras
>win, watch him get pissed off
User avatar #134 to #90 - VyeVedrai (01/04/2013) [-]
I got one like that.
>Starting second quest of campaign
>Companion Assassin initiates a duel in a tavern
>He believes he can beat my Sorcerer, due to having few damage spells
>Accept duel since characters have mutual hatred for each-other
>Win initiative, proceed to cast Charm person
>Companion's mouth drops, he hadn't considered Sorcerer's effect spells
>Convince charmed Assassin that the duel is foolish and he should concede
>Laugh hysterically as the Assassin is forced to be my new best friend for the next few hours and began trying to tank for me in combat.
>Great day for magic users
#88 - fanficscribbler (01/04/2013) [-]
>DM-ing a D20 Doctor Who/Torchwood system
>Players are members of a Torchwood branch
>One of the characters has a time-energy (huon) sensitive ferret do to severe b***hing about playing an android and taking minuses
>Three characters, including the android and a talking parrot, take the ferret for a walk
>Ferret goes ******** outside. TARDIS just landed.
>Team investigates
>Landed on top of a coffee house roof
>Team barges up there, can see nothing
>Scans reveal that the chimney isn't a chimney
>One guy charges and misses spectacularly
>Climbs back up, tries again, misses again
>Android tries, hits and is knocked out by the EMP repulse field
>Notice a ********** guy in the street
>Catch up, attempt to hit and knockout
>Basically, don't crit or nat for success
>Nat 20'd
>Killed the guy and hid his body in the SUV
>Coffee house owner confronts the people on the roof.
>Shoot him in the knee with a flintlock
>F**king almighty bang
>Police are called and cordon off the area
>Presume the party are gang members
>Shoot to kill
>Two die in the barrage, the rest make it into the landed TARDIS
>MFW they managed to turn ferret-walking into a national crisis, all because they didn't have a diplomat ^^
#87 - Sabre (01/04/2013) [-]
>Playing 3.5 with some Pathfinder elements   
>Paladin in our group plays like an idiot man-child   
>My character (Lawful Evil) offers him a potion that we couldn't identify and tells him to drink it next time we get into a fight   
>Next fight turns out to be some powerful weird fey, fears half the party in the first round.   
>"Don't worry guys, I got this 						****					!"   
>Potion is a love potion   
>Buddy asks the DM since he shares an empathic link with his (moose) mount,  shouldn't it also be under the effect of the potion?   
>DM hesitates before answering yes   
>Mosse begins attempting to mount evil fey creature   
>20 to hit   
>penetration achieved   
>Paladin begins 						***********					 ejaculating in his armor   
>Mfw when watching a moose 						********					 a giant evil fairy while a dwarf rolls around on the ground 						*******					... all because of me
>Playing 3.5 with some Pathfinder elements
>Paladin in our group plays like an idiot man-child
>My character (Lawful Evil) offers him a potion that we couldn't identify and tells him to drink it next time we get into a fight
>Next fight turns out to be some powerful weird fey, fears half the party in the first round.
>"Don't worry guys, I got this **** !"
>Potion is a love potion
>Buddy asks the DM since he shares an empathic link with his (moose) mount, shouldn't it also be under the effect of the potion?
>DM hesitates before answering yes
>Mosse begins attempting to mount evil fey creature
>20 to hit
>penetration achieved
>Paladin begins *********** ejaculating in his armor
>Mfw when watching a moose ******** a giant evil fairy while a dwarf rolls around on the ground ******* ... all because of me


#138 to #87 - VyeVedrai (01/04/2013) [-]
So. Beautiful.
So. Beautiful.
#107 to #87 - archoninterface (01/04/2013) [-]
Oh god, that was amazing XD
User avatar #89 to #87 - beamersmack **User deleted account** (01/04/2013) [-]
Yes.
User avatar #85 - pizzapastasaurous (01/04/2013) [-]
DND first ed.
Be me level 2 thief.
'oh man this character is awesome I cant wait to own some bitches'
My party is killing some wolves for farmers.
'hide in shadows *roll 20* Oh yeah going good.'
'move silently *roll 16* Oh cool cool.'
Backstab attempt... *roll 3*.
Naturally.
According to my DM a ******* fire cracker exploded next to me.
Alpha wolf nearby runs towards me.
Wolf attack- *roll 20* get extra dam. *roll 17*
And that is the story how I ****** up and lost my character 4 hours into the game...
User avatar #82 - derpwolf (01/04/2013) [-]
I'm in a Pathfinder campaign right now where we've had the most ****** up party set ever.
>Start out with five people
>Rogue, Inquisitor, Fighter, Wizard, Druid
>Druid starts torturing people and is stolen away by a Centaur
>Wut
>Druid is replaced by an Archer
>Inquisitor and Wizard almost get into a fight because the Inquisitor hates elves
>We go fight some Goblins
>Inquisitor doesn't hit **** at all during the fight
>Instead she ******* the Goblin children, robbing them of the will to fight
>Fighter vanishes, never heard from again
>Wizard leaves, never heard from again
>Fight replaced with a Ninja
>Wizard replaced by a Sorcerer
>Rogue leaves, replaced by a Paladin
>We change days because we all hate the Archer, so he comes back as one of the undead
(To be continued)
User avatar #83 to #82 - derpwolf (01/04/2013) [-]
>Inquisitor takes all the Archer's unholy ****
>Pally gives her the evil eye, so she takes the hint and gets the **** out
>Inquisitor replaced by a Cleric
>Sorcerer leaves because his player dropped out
>Our band of merry men go along to the Dwarven city
>We found Pandora's Box somewhere, and it is being kept by the Paladin
>We know this dick named Krylocke is alive
>Pally cannot tell a lie
>His player isn't there
>Tell the Ninja who'd taken over for him that he can't lie
>We're kicked out of the city along with the wizard
>Paladin's player quits
>Lanval Dravarian (Pally) is never heard from again
>Ask a friend to play
>We have a new fighter!
>He's ******* mute
>Damn
>Kaizo, an immortal wizard pulls out Pandora's Box during a fight
>Wat
>Sucks in an immortal assassin called The Assassin
>Sucks in our fighter
>The Ninja and the Cleric are the only two left together
#81 - EvilFluffyBunny (01/04/2013) [-]
RUNAWAAAAY!
User avatar #79 - skwerl (01/04/2013) [-]
>Playing D20 Future
>We are space pirates using two fighters and a bomber to raid a convoy
>Ambush and destroy convoy ******* in one round with missile barrage
>Land in their main ship's hangar, other fighter pilot says **** that
>Make my way through the ship, failing every spot check
>Reach the bridge, ambushed by 8 androids
>Hit by a gravity well (preventing me from moving) and several plasma bolts in the doorway, lowering my health to 13
>Assume french surrender position, start whispering to other fighter pilot on comms
>Tell him to fire missiles at the bridge
>A hole is blown in the bridge behind the androids, they are all sucked out
>Gravity well holds me in place while I put my space suit back on
>Rolling endurance checks to stay awake in the vacuum, fine till I roll a 1 as soon as my suit is on
>fighter picks me up while I float around unconscious in the bridge

and that's how we won a boss fight meant for a party of 6 with most of our guys chilling in the bomber.
#75 - jyrx (01/04/2013) [-]
What is is D&D ? the board game Dungeons and Dragons ?
User avatar #76 to #75 - mewis (01/04/2013) [-]
It's not a board game, it's called a pen and paper game
#77 to #76 - jyrx (01/04/2013) [-]
okay, that is why i asked because i didn't know
#71 - crazyolitis (01/04/2013) [-]
I don't play any D&D, so more than half the stories in the comments make little to no sense to me.
MFW those stories.
#69 - ost (01/04/2013) [-]
How D&D groups begin and end.
User avatar #68 - strygwyr (01/04/2013) [-]
My char found one magic arrow which will always find it's target and instantly kills it unless I throw a 1. I kept this f***ing arrow for ages because I didn't wan't to waste it on some random monster.
DM forgets that he gave me the arrow and we had to fight some demon. Being a smartass I took the arrow threw a 1 and instantly killed our warrior.

Then I stopped playing D&D and had sex with a lot of women.
User avatar #67 - ififeellikeit ONLINE (01/04/2013) [-]
last time i played there was a ****** by means of a frost spell. so me and one of my friends determined that he was killed by frost bite in the middle of summer and we set out on an epic quest to find and kill winter (the season not some guy named winter). we made the DM so mad, it was awesome.
User avatar #65 - monkeybrains (01/04/2013) [-]
Rogue Trader ends up the same way.

>Last Week
>Family over, couldn't get on till 2 hours later.
>Party is on-world.
>I play perpetually drunken ex-guardsman with a heavy Russian accent that drives the Rhino APC we have and is our only guy with Medical skills.
>They assume my character was passed out, so they leave a note saying where they are.
They're in a firefight with mercenaries. About 25 or so of them, vs 9 players.
>Get on, they wonder how to get me into the game.
>Someone jokingly suggests Kool-Aid man using our Rhino.
>DM: Roll for it.
>Make it, end up bursting through a wall, power sliding through 18 mercenaries, skidding to a halt right in front of the party.
>They do the whole, "OH NO" deal from Family Guy.
>I burst out of the driver's hatch with a bottle of Rotgut screaming in a thick Russian accent, "OH YEEEEEEESSSSS."
>One of the Mercenaries passes out at the sight of 18 of his fellow mercenaries brutally slaughtered by a giant metal box.
>Load up party, outrun Arbites in in a blood coated Rhino and head back to ship.

Back on the ship one guy suggested we remove the Mercenary's Kidney. My character, being drunk and impressionable, did it, because he's the only one who has trained medical experience. That kidney in a jar is now our mascot. Once I get enough insanity points I'm going to start talking to it.
#172 to #65 - deadrifler (01/04/2013) [-]
Not Rogue Trader in this one, but was a funny one I read on /tg/ for Dark Heresy a long time ago.
User avatar #100 to #65 - aesgard (01/04/2013) [-]
**** boy that's amazing
#84 to #65 - electroshloob (01/04/2013) [-]
Take all of my thumbs.
#61 - durkadurka (01/04/2013) [-]
>Implying the ending is a bad thing.
>Implying the ending is a bad thing.
User avatar #60 - ZalgotheImminent (01/04/2013) [-]
Here's my DM story, ******* .

>Doing a joke encounter with two friends.
>One's a Shadar-Kai ranger, the other's a werewolf warlord.
>Send a ******* of kobolds after them because **** you, kobolds.
>They somehow manage to survive for a while.
>Get to the top of a tower near some city walls where the kobolds have their slingers.
>Werewolf asks "Hey, can we try something?"
>"O...kay?"
>They start whispering to each other.
>"Alright, Zalgo, here's what we wanna do. I wanna jump on the Shadar-kai's scythe, have him sling me across to the wall, then turn full wolf form and maul one of the kobolds over there."
>"What."
>They both roll, Werewolf for Balance, Shadar-kai for Strength/Balance
>Natural twenties everywhere.
> **** THIS gay EARTH.
>Mauls a kobold.
>Other kobolds see this.
>Werewolf makes an Intimidation check.
>Why do the dice I lend people hate me so much?
>Natural
> *******
>Twenty.
>The kobolds on the same wall as him jump off to their deaths.
>The kobolds on the other wall hang themselves with their slings as makeshift nooses.
And that's the story of how those characters got to level 4.
User avatar #58 - onionbubs (01/04/2013) [-]
I managed to get a cannon in my chest in the third week.
Not a cannonball, an actual cannon.
The DM felt sorry for me at the time (I'd just rolled three critical failures in a row and nearly got myself killed because I jumped over a table), so he let me keep it
#57 - joulle (01/04/2013) [-]
Rabbit falls, everyone dies.
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#51 - liquidfunny has deleted their comment [-]
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User avatar #46 - boeka (01/04/2013) [-]
Please help. I know it's a monthy movie but I don't have the exact name. D:
#48 to #46 - anonymous (01/04/2013) [-]
You mean Monty? Monty Python and the holy grail
User avatar #49 to #48 - boeka (01/04/2013) [-]
Yes, I misspelled it. Thanks, neighbour anon!
User avatar #50 to #49 - oikake (01/04/2013) [-]
ni
User avatar #66 to #50 - boeka (01/04/2013) [-]
It.
#70 to #66 - oikake (01/04/2013) [-]
ARGH!!!!!
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