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Latest users (1): syrianassassinsoul, anonymous(1).
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#108692 - mrpeep (05/25/2015) [-]
I miss this place.
I miss this place.
#108694 to #108692 - lulzforalpsplane (05/25/2015) [-]
Haven't seen you in a long time.
#108697 to #108694 - mrpeep (05/25/2015) [-]
Well, that might have something to do with your accounts getting banned left and right. I meant to stay in touch, but FJ in its current state provides little incentive to visit the boards.   
I doubt 70% of Funnyjunk's active users are aware this site even has boards.   
Anyway... How have you been, man? It's been ages since we last spoke.
Well, that might have something to do with your accounts getting banned left and right. I meant to stay in touch, but FJ in its current state provides little incentive to visit the boards.
I doubt 70% of Funnyjunk's active users are aware this site even has boards.

Anyway... How have you been, man? It's been ages since we last spoke.
#108698 to #108697 - lulzforalpsplane (05/25/2015) [-]
Missing you.
Missing you.
#108699 to #108698 - mrpeep (05/25/2015) [-]
Whoa. I'm really sorry, man.   
Maybe we can antagonize Omar for old times' sake.
Whoa. I'm really sorry, man.
Maybe we can antagonize Omar for old times' sake.
User avatar #108691 - caette (05/25/2015) [-]
oye como va!
#108686 - unforgivenfive (05/25/2015) [-]
Heres a Joke..because some of you need better ones.

A Priest and a Rabbi are on a bus in NY, and the priest turns to the Rabbi and says
"The jews are known to be some of the wisest people in the world....tell me, WHAT is your secret?!"

The jew replies "Its simple.. schmaltz herring, in fact I have some here in my lunch box."
Priest:"What?? really? do you mind if I have some??"
Rabbi:"Oh to make it is very expensive just a small piece is worth 1000 USD."
Priest: $1000!..well if it'll make me wiser..."*Pays the man for a piece*
"eugh! Thats disgusting how does that make me smarter?!"

Rabbi: " now you know not to pay $1000 for schmaltz Herring!!!

Pick related several thousand dollars worth of smaltz herring
User avatar #108768 to #108686 - ragnarfag (05/25/2015) [-]
What I find interesting is that jewish humor is largely based on stereotypificating yourself, as oppossed to ridiculing other nations like most national humor.
User avatar #108775 to #108768 - unforgivenfive (05/25/2015) [-]
Jewish humor as we know it is relatively modern. it came about in the late 19th century as European Jews started to assimilate and renounce their Jewishness. What better way to distance yourself from a group than making fun of that group? also the shit our families say is hilarious enough At the same time we kept to ourselves for the longest time so we didnt really know what happened outside our communities
#108704 to #108686 - syrianassassinsoul ONLINE (05/25/2015) [-]
>1K smaltz herring   
rabbis FW
>1K smaltz herring

rabbis FW
User avatar #108687 to #108686 - caette (05/25/2015) [-]
that was gay
User avatar #108641 - caette (05/25/2015) [-]
let's have a prayer session
User avatar #108652 to #108641 - unforgivenfive (05/25/2015) [-]
Prayer doesnt work over the internet.
kinda like how sarcasm doesnt transfer well over text message.
User avatar #108666 to #108665 - unforgivenfive (05/25/2015) [-]
Taking bait. remember ITS MY BAIT
User avatar #108653 to #108652 - caette (05/25/2015) [-]
it wouldn't work over the internet but somehow work in isolated thought?
User avatar #108655 to #108653 - unforgivenfive (05/25/2015) [-]
Prayer works in isolated thought because we arent REALLY Isolated.
Prayer works as a collective as well. which is why Jews form minyans of ten men.

Do you know what prayer is?
User avatar #108656 to #108655 - caette (05/25/2015) [-]
Why should I take your word for it that prayer doesn't work over the internet? do you have evidence or proof to back up that claim? even a passage in scripture? Why even assert such a thing? Because it's unintuitive? because it doesn't coincide with your model of god? idek
User avatar #108658 to #108656 - unforgivenfive (05/25/2015) [-]
well sending a prayer to somebody in any fashion works, praying together online doesnt (unless you can hear the others and even then its a little more close and personal for a skype call)
we've gone over the nature of observational evidence in religion caette (or at least you have in your own head)
sources for the group of ten IN PERSON
The Babylonian Talmud (Megillah 23b) derives the requirement of a minyan of ten shomer Shabbat for Kiddush Hashem[3] and Devarim she-Bikdusha, "matters of sanctity", by combining three scriptural verses using the rule of gezerah shavah:

The word "midst" in the verse:
"And I shall be sanctified in the midst of the children of Israel" (Leviticus 22:32)
also appears in the verse:
"Separate yourselves from the midst of the congregation" (Numbers 16:21)
The term "congregation" is also used in another verse that describes the ten spies who brought back a negative report of the Land of Israel:
"How long shall I bear with this evil congregation which murmur against me?" (Numbers 14:27)

From this combination, the Talmud concludes that "sanctification" should occur in the "midst" of a "congregation" of ten.
User avatar #108659 to #108658 - caette (05/25/2015) [-]
So group praying only works if you use your vocal cords?
User avatar #108660 to #108659 - unforgivenfive (05/25/2015) [-]
no it only works if you can focus your energies in group thats physically together in one place
User avatar #108661 to #108660 - caette (05/25/2015) [-]
so those conference call tuesdays are bullshit then?
User avatar #108662 to #108661 - unforgivenfive (05/25/2015) [-]
what are you talking about?
whats a confrence call tuesday?
User avatar #108663 to #108662 - caette (05/25/2015) [-]
people that host religious calls on certain days and people call to join a vocal chat room where they can pray together
also businesses that take calls from people requesting to be prayed for

I don't think this makes sense btw
If two people are praying next to eachother for the same thing, it should be just as much as an impact as two people praying for the same thing who don't even know eachother
User avatar #108664 to #108663 - unforgivenfive (05/25/2015) [-]
yeah that sounds like b.s. especially if you have to pay to join those calls.
REMEMBER my perspective is jewish. if its christians that do that then who am I to tell them their prayers dont work or are ineffective.

again I ask if you know what prayer in judaism is?....if you think its asking god for something guess again.
if two people pray for the same thing but dont know each other then its just as effective. but if they pray together its doubly effective
User avatar #108669 to #108664 - caette (05/25/2015) [-]
again, is this your personal feeling of how you want god to be, or were you taught this
User avatar #108673 to #108672 - caette (05/25/2015) [-]
ok so 2 people mean nothing then
User avatar #108674 to #108673 - unforgivenfive (05/25/2015) [-]
did you even fucking read it?
User avatar #108675 to #108674 - caette (05/25/2015) [-]
It says 10
User avatar #108676 to #108675 - unforgivenfive (05/25/2015) [-]
"It was the firm belief of the sages that wherever ten Israelites are assembled, either for worship or for the study of the Law, the Divine Presence dwells among them. In rabbinical literature, those who meet for study or prayer in smaller groups, even one who meditates or prays alone, are to be praised. However, the stress is put upon the merits and sacredness of the minyan of ten"
User avatar #108677 to #108676 - caette (05/25/2015) [-]
what difference does this even make, we can still have a fuckin prayer session
and you're a jew. your opinion is less than .5% of the planet
User avatar #108684 to #108677 - unforgivenfive (05/25/2015) [-]
stop ignoring the question.
jokes should include images on them.
the joke was "lets have a prayer session" and that your an atheist and you dont pray to god.....
again not a very good joke m8...sounds like your mocking the people that would want to start a prayer group with people here (not me doe).

you need better jokes
User avatar #108685 to #108684 - caette (05/25/2015) [-]
Dude. this holy fucking board is nothing but jokes and memes. why the fuck would i expect ANYONE to take me seriously? It was meant to be known that I was kidding. And just because you're offended doesn't mean it's a bad joke.
User avatar #108680 to #108677 - unforgivenfive (05/25/2015) [-]
more of a chance of heard prayers....also you're an atheist?
why do you want to pray and what to if not G-d?
now getting to your original bait....
User avatar #108683 to #108680 - caette (05/25/2015) [-]
ok... why does every joke i make have to be "bait"
I didn't say prayer was stupid, I didn't say you're a retard if you prayer, All I said was let's pray. why do you always have to turn a tiny statement i make into a thread? you could have just responded with "ok :^)" or something
User avatar #108642 to #108640 - caette (05/25/2015) [-]
at least if islam overtakes christianity, shitty christian logic will die off
#108643 to #108642 - syrianassassinsoul ONLINE (05/25/2015) [-]
User avatar #108644 to #108643 - caette (05/25/2015) [-]
um but im agreeing with you
User avatar #108629 - klowserpok (05/25/2015) [-]
A question for Christians: Does it bother you when famous Churches/Cathedrals become tourist attractions? That they put up stores inside the house of God, selling cheap tourist-y things.
User avatar #108630 to #108629 - ragnarfag (05/25/2015) [-]
I've never actually seen any merchandise sold in churches, but I don't see anything wrong with cathedrals becoming tourist attractions, they were built to impress after all.
#108633 to #108628 - unforgivenfive (05/25/2015) [-]
"Invest in Different memes unless you want to end up working on a kibbutz shoveling cow shit all day"
#108638 to #108633 - syrianassassinsoul ONLINE (05/25/2015) [-]
> Be unforgivenfive
> asks for rare pepes in the deep dark web
> some goy who can trade them only by giving him 2 BitCoin.
> OY MY MOTHERFUCKING VEY! 2? what does he need 1 for?!
> gives him them with Jewish refusal
> the goy gives unforgivenfive the rare pepes in compressed file.
> he extract the files ending up seeing holocaust pictures.
User avatar #108636 to #108633 - ragnarfag (05/25/2015) [-]
Do you own Jerusalem memes?
User avatar #108649 to #108636 - unforgivenfive (05/25/2015) [-]
Only from the west side
User avatar #108654 to #108649 - ragnarfag (05/25/2015) [-]
I have this very rare pepe that I just drew blindfolded, never seen by anyone.
Wanna trade? I'll also throw in some nuclear submarines.
User avatar #108657 to #108654 - unforgivenfive (05/25/2015) [-]
Cool I have some Science memes and this really cool Missile defense system.

All I need in return is your offering plus the west bank (no questions please)
#108631 to #108628 - syrianassassinsoul ONLINE (05/25/2015) [-]
Torah 4:20 ( Jerusalem shall not be your only meme ).
Torah 4:20 ( Jerusalem shall not be your only meme ).
#108626 - murrlogic ONLINE (05/24/2015) [-]
Is Johovas Witness the "no fun allowed" of Religions?
#108627 to #108626 - holyfool (05/24/2015) [-]
Indeed they always go on about their "good deeds" and how other denominations are going to hell because they have a huuge holier than thou delirium complex. Always knocking on peoples doors and approaching them out of the blue with a fake smile only asking for a moment of peoples time. But noo they waste more than just a moment, they go on and on with that smug look in their eyes like they know some big secret that you don't. The most annoying people ever to grace the planet earth, fucking Jehovah's witness's.
User avatar #108632 to #108627 - unforgivenfive (05/25/2015) [-]
whats weird is the jews we're the og "witnessess of YHVH" at sinai.
so I dont know why they call themselves that?
User avatar #108648 to #108632 - ragnarfag (05/25/2015) [-]
The Witnesses originate from the bible student movement founded by CharlesTaze Russell, I couldn't find anything about the origin of the name other than being adopted after Rutherford took over.
But remember that the Witnesses are the embodiment of the concept of a "theological cult" (not to be confused with sociological cult) This means the absolute control over the members of the cult in belief and thought pattern, a bit like brainwashing , so obviously they will see themselves as the only true "witnesses of Jehova".
User avatar #108650 to #108648 - unforgivenfive (05/25/2015) [-]
when they we'rent even at Sinai.

User avatar #108635 to #108634 - unforgivenfive (05/25/2015) [-]
Original...use your context clues
User avatar #108637 to #108635 - cognosceteipsum (05/25/2015) [-]
If you're gonna say original, at least type ogl. OriGinal makes no sense. Or OL. The context clues were also not that strong.
User avatar #108651 to #108637 - unforgivenfive (05/25/2015) [-]
OG is a fairly normal term to use for original...at least in America where I live.
User avatar #108668 to #108651 - cognosceteipsum (05/25/2015) [-]
Never seen it elsewhere
User avatar #108671 to #108670 - cognosceteipsum (05/25/2015) [-]
Original gangster. Not original
User avatar #108678 to #108671 - unforgivenfive (05/25/2015) [-]
ok so fuck me then
User avatar #108679 to #108678 - cognosceteipsum (05/25/2015) [-]
I thought you were saving yourself for marriage?
User avatar #108681 to #108679 - unforgivenfive (05/25/2015) [-]
only if you wnt me to bb
User avatar #108682 to #108681 - cognosceteipsum (05/25/2015) [-]
I thumeed you up
so I fucked you with my thumb
#108620 - syrianassassinsoul ONLINE (05/24/2015) [-]
meanwhile in /r atheism
meanwhile in /r atheism
#108612 - thebritishguy (05/24/2015) [-]
This is still the face of atheism bitches
#108619 to #108612 - syrianassassinsoul ONLINE (05/24/2015) [-]
User avatar #108618 to #108612 - cognosceteipsum (05/24/2015) [-]
I find it funnny how all these people are posting about autism
User avatar #108622 to #108618 - lulzforalpsplane (05/24/2015) [-]
*cough* you just posted *cough*
User avatar #108623 to #108622 - cognosceteipsum (05/24/2015) [-]
That's not what I meant. People pointing out that he's autistic
User avatar #108624 to #108623 - ragnarfag (05/24/2015) [-]
Well, he said himself once that there's a probability that he's actually autistic.
User avatar #108625 to #108624 - cognosceteipsum (05/24/2015) [-]
Which is why I find it funny.
User avatar #108617 to #108612 - ragnarfag (05/24/2015) [-]
I remember that.
User avatar #108621 to #108617 - lulzforalpsplane (05/24/2015) [-]
Only oldfags do. :^)
#108616 to #108612 - syrianassassinsoul ONLINE (05/24/2015) [-]
Son, I have bad news for you.
Son, I have bad news for you.
#108613 to #108612 - dehumanizer (05/24/2015) [-]
User avatar #108732 to #108613 - thebritishguy (05/25/2015) [-]
I still haven't been tested but probably
#108608 - Anonymis (05/24/2015) [-]
God: 0
Atheists: 11.5
#108611 to #108608 - syrianassassinsoul ONLINE (05/24/2015) [-]
nice false cause you got there
nice false cause you got there
#108609 to #108608 - dehumanizer (05/24/2015) [-]
Because in the end it doesent really matter weather they lived or died. Now the babies killed by their own parents, thats a diffrent tale. muh choice !1!11 le redditor army
#108606 - anonymous (05/24/2015) [-]
There are a number of different ways to determine whether or not someone is a jew, even if you don't know or can't tell by the name.

First, look at the individual. Jews usually look like rats. If they're smiling, they'll look like smiling rats. If they're not smiling, they'll look like miserable rats. Also look at the individuals body. Jews usually have misshapen or deformed bodies. This is why you've rarely seen a jewish athlete. Also look for symptoms of sickness or disease. As Jackie Mason the jewish comedian once said "oy hev neva mit ah compleetly helty jew." [Transalation: I have never met a completely healthy jew.] Jews are very slovenly, unhealthy and immoral. Uncontrollable facial twitches are farely common among jews and easy to spot.

If you get close enough you may be able to smell the jew. Jews have a really foul offensive body odor, quite often under a layer of stale cologne. This is especially pronounced among kosher jews because they are forbidden to use soap. Kosher food also has a sickening smell. You can familiarize yourself with this smell by taking a walk near a jewish household during the dinner hour and getting a whiff of kosher food cooking. Right away you will notice a similarity to the smell of dog food or burnt flesh. It is a nauseating odor. This is why you've never seen a jewish restaurant. This test should be approached cautiously as over exposure to the smell of kosher food will induse vomiting in a gentile.

Next, listen to the individual. Jews have really slimy scummy sounding voices and usually speak with an annoying nasal whine. (Sometimes saliva will drip out from the corner of a jews mouth while they speak so keep looking as well.) They'll usually speak in a provocative and inquisitive manner and then pleasantly ofer assistance or a referel to another jew. They will always be ambiguous or deceitful about their own affairs. They will never say anything good about a gentile. Their jewish Talmud commands them "A jew should not say anything favorable about a non-jew." This anomoly will be especially noticeable when you here the jew apeak about a gentile that you know to be a good person. Anything or anyone that is not jewish they will constantly try to silence, slander, sue or slaughter. You might catch the individual off guard with some humor. Try saying something like "Hey, what's the difference between a jew and a pizza?" Wait for the individual to ask what and then reply "About ten minutes." If the individual does not laugh, they're either a jew or a christian t.v. zombie and should be avoided in either case.

If you are still uncertain whether or not the individual is jew, you will have to decide according to your own circumstances whether any potential benefit you may derive is worth the risk of infection. Good luck and stay healthy.

Sincerely yours,

Dr. WIlliam Z. Whiteman
National Agency for Jewish Identification
William Z is offline
#108587 - Zaxplab ONLINE (05/23/2015) [-]
>homosexuals actually do this
>homosexuals actually do this
#108576 to #108575 - syrianassassinsoul ONLINE (05/23/2015) [-]
check the comment section
User avatar #108589 to #108568 - ragnarfag (05/23/2015) [-]
Wow, people have really weird misinterpretations of immigration.
It's almost like this site is populated by autisimos.
User avatar #108594 to #108589 - whoozy (05/23/2015) [-]
It's not just FJ
This is basically a reflection of the newspaper comments in my country

People are really sick of islam in Europe
#108596 to #108594 - anonymous (05/23/2015) [-]
Ka sierru??
User avatar #108595 to #108594 - ragnarfag (05/23/2015) [-]
That's because people are largely too ignorant to understand the problematic of immigration correctly and therefore project all existing issues on one thing, nothing new.
User avatar #108597 to #108595 - whoozy (05/23/2015) [-]
Nothing new indeed

Unfortunately I see a storm coming
User avatar #108602 to #108597 - ragnarfag (05/23/2015) [-]
Nope, and everyone who seriously thinks that is a retard.
User avatar #108603 to #108602 - whoozy (05/23/2015) [-]
Watch Europe
It's all I'm going to say
User avatar #108604 to #108603 - ragnarfag (05/23/2015) [-]
"Europe needs a storm" "Watch Europe" "Gypsies will also be going"
Is /religion/ an apocalyptic cult now or fucking what?
User avatar #108605 to #108604 - whoozy (05/23/2015) [-]
I thought it was relevant Europe seems to despise Muslims and Gypsies atm
User avatar #108598 to #108597 - lulzforalpsplane (05/23/2015) [-]
Good. Europe needs a storm.
User avatar #108599 to #108598 - whoozy (05/23/2015) [-]
We'll see
I just... I really hope it won't be as bad as I think it will
User avatar #108600 to #108599 - cognosceteipsum (05/23/2015) [-]
Gypsies will also be going
User avatar #108601 to #108600 - whoozy (05/23/2015) [-]
They're among the most hated people in Europe
User avatar #108607 to #108601 - lulzforalpsplane (05/24/2015) [-]
Good, medicine will flush out the virus.
#108573 to #108568 - syrianassassinsoul ONLINE (05/23/2015) [-]
no one gives a shit about what they think

let them hate and deny

in the end they will embrace death.

so which means meh
User avatar #108569 to #108568 - unforgivenfive (05/23/2015) [-]
they dont like yids either.. I roll with it as does omar...he get shit all the time on here
User avatar #108578 to #108569 - whoozy (05/23/2015) [-]
What's that?
User avatar #108574 to #108569 - syrianassassinsoul ONLINE (05/23/2015) [-]
i receive like 20 hate mail daily

i end them with a big grin
User avatar #108615 to #108574 - cognosceteipsum (05/24/2015) [-]
For once I agree with masterboll
User avatar #108610 to #108574 - masterboll (05/24/2015) [-]
print screen and post
#108563 - hidanfangirl (05/22/2015) [-]
Somebody explain this to me? I don't get the context of the joke, I'm not religious.
User avatar #108564 to #108563 - ragnarfag (05/22/2015) [-]
>Cheese S. Crust
>Jesus Christ
I thought that would be obvious
User avatar #108565 to #108564 - hidanfangirl (05/22/2015) [-]
Well I got that part, but I was wonderin' if the passage had any meaning other than that.
User avatar #108566 to #108565 - ragnarfag (05/23/2015) [-]
Salvation (from sin, god's judgment, hell and lardy dardy da) means in Christan context the overcoming (or better defeat) of death, meaning without sounding too absurd: The christan doesn't die out of life, he dies into God and thus into everlasting life. The cruxifiction and resurrection of Christ symbolizes and signalizes this "defeat of death" perfectly.
"Seen Christ in me" and "in and through me" is a bit opaque although I'm pretty sure that's just spiritual babbling.
#108552 - dehumanizer (05/22/2015) [-]
There are litteraly people who belive in aliens www.youtube.com/watch?v=huFYl8-Omws   
but they do not belive in God.   
Explain your retardation.
There are litteraly people who belive in aliens www.youtube.com/watch?v=huFYl8-Omws

but they do not belive in God.

Explain your retardation.
#108592 to #108552 - anonymous (05/23/2015) [-]
I think it's unlikely that we've made contact and our evil goyvernment is hiding them from us
But from the size of the universe it's virtually impossible for there NOT to be life that did not originate on earth
There is evidence for life in the universe, because we're living proof
Evidence for God is slim at best
#108593 to #108592 - dehumanizer (05/23/2015) [-]
corolation does not mean casualation

there is no evidence of advanced lifeform beyond our planet and its extremely foolish to think there is any other in the world
User avatar #108567 to #108552 - Zaxplab ONLINE (05/23/2015) [-]
Some people figure the chance of life starting elsewhere in the endless universe is greater than the chance that it was all created by an ethereal sky-daddy.
#108572 to #108567 - dehumanizer (05/23/2015) [-]
it requires just as much fate, nothing but wishful thinking
it requires just as much fate, nothing but wishful thinking
User avatar #108577 to #108572 - whoozy (05/23/2015) [-]
So believing in god requires "wishful thinking"?
#108579 to #108577 - dehumanizer (05/23/2015) [-]
im talking from an atheist prespective
User avatar #108580 to #108579 - whoozy (05/23/2015) [-]
So you as a Christian believe in aliens?
#108582 to #108580 - dehumanizer (05/23/2015) [-]
i didnt say that
User avatar #108583 to #108582 - whoozy (05/23/2015) [-]
It's the only logical conclusion to draw from your statements
#108584 to #108583 - dehumanizer (05/23/2015) [-]
i find the belief in ayylmaos stupid and illogical

User avatar #108585 to #108584 - whoozy (05/23/2015) [-]
According to yourself you shouldn't
#108586 to #108585 - dehumanizer (05/23/2015) [-]
holy shit you are dense
#108553 to #108552 - syrianassassinsoul ONLINE (05/22/2015) [-]


#108549 - syrianassassinsoul ONLINE (05/22/2015) [-]
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