Looks like she's about to read a book my foot wrote

meh, I won't even bother trying to decypher that

"I'm a girl and I don't care if you think girls can't play. Not you guys, the sexist guys. Not sexy, sexist. Also, this made me laugh so hard I wet myself."
I think that's what she was trying to say, but I have no fucking clue how she got w and b mixed up on a keyboard.

i- i think i have it
I believe im lost for i am not in the kitchen

Can someone try to translate this?

I think she is talking about how she can play (out of context, either masturbating or gaming) but then it gets really fucking confusing after she says not u guys..

I just ate some fried chicken.
The breasts were juicy, and the buns were soft and warm.
Afterwords, the division manager of Popeye's came up to my table and asked me how the meal was. I said I was satisfied, but the meal lacked a certain je ne sais quoi. He apologized profusely, and said he had something to show me that would make up for it.
He lead me to the back of the Popeye's, to a room soaked from floor to ceiling in blood. In the center of it was a live horse, chained by all four legs to the structural supports of the warehouse like room. As I watched, employees of the Popeye's cut large sections from the horse, which was whinnying and screaming in horror. The Popeye's employees took the chunks of horseflesh and sliced them into pieces, then they rooted around through the bags of trash strewn around the room to find discarded chicken bones. They quickly tenderized the meat with sledgehammers and fed it into a machine which formed the horsemeat around the bones, then they breaded and deepfried it. I asked the division manager why he had led me back to this place, and he pointed at the steed's rump, the asshole puckering rhythmically with terror. "We're just about to use that section, would you like a crack at it first?"
I quickly unzipped my pants and wasted no time jamming my erect penis into the stallion's defenseless asshole. I came just as the horse died. I was delighted. Popeye's definitely went the extra mile to make me a satisfied customer.

welp time to get the pentagon's top cryptologysts on this case.

I'm a girl who doesn't care if you think girls can play or not. You guys are sexest (sexist), not as in sexy but as in sex-est (sex-ist). Also this made me laugh so hard i wet myself.

Translated it as best I could, hope it helps.
(Sorry the anon saying the same thing was me, forgot to sign in :P)

Translating... Translating...
...Translation Complete.....
"I'm a girl and I don't care if you think girls can't play games. Not you guys, the sexist guys, not sexy, sex-ist!. Also this made me laugh so hard I wet myself"

I think she was hitting on, and insulting guys at the same time...
(Do note some words may have been altered to make this translation easier to understand.)

Grammar skills = Absolute Zero.

Also, am I the only one that read it several times to make sure I wasn't the one fucking up?