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User avatar #16 - RugbyKing (10/03/2012) [-]
How I'll do it:
(Year is 2030, spaceships are normal)
Son: "Dad I Have something to tell you..."
Dad (me): "What?"
A wild Space Monkey appears!
*make space monkey steal my son, who I have conveniently named Mars *
>"FOLLOW THAT MONKEY!"
>"QUICKLY: TO THE SPACESHIP!"
*Keira Knightley is already my gf, due to alpha"
Her: "Honey, where are you going!?" :'(
>I love you, Keira Knightly, but Mars needs me.
Her: "Please don't go, you are the only thing that is able to satisfy me in every way"
>This is my destiny.
Her: "Be careful!!!!! " :'''(
*On spaceship, launch into impossible adventure into cosmos*
>Me: "And so it begins..."
*Rescue son and bring him home*
Son: "Thanks dad! You are the best for saving me!"
Me: "No problem son. What was it you wanted to tell me?"
Son: " I'm seeing someone, his name is Jeff"
Me: "WHHYYYYYY!?"
User avatar #10 - skeetonamber (10/03/2012) [-]
All of this could happen, in order... Someone write this story...
#13 to #10 - freefan (10/03/2012) [-]
I had done it, I had graduated college. I knew that getting a job was tough, but I was determined to try. A friend walked up to me and said "This is it, we completed college!" "And so it begins." I responded. Since my college was a space research college, it was tough to get a good solid job. I decided to get a job as a zookeeper, pretty easy and decent pay. People ask me why I quit that job. It's all because of once instance. Our zoo was a nice zoo, but it was a bit easy for the animals to escape, especially the monkeys with their climbing abilities. Just my luck, one day the quickest monkey escapes the zoo. I had to run down the town screaming "Follow that monkey!" to all of my fellow zookeepers. Pretty stressful day. I decided to quit after that, couldn't deal with such a terribly guarded zoo. As luck would have it, as I walked out of the zoo, I saw a newspaper stand. I knew I needed a job, so I went over to get a newspaper to find a job. Right away I see an ad for college grads to go and apply for a job at NASA. Knowing my college was a space college, I had a good advantage. "This is my destiny." I said, as I walked away from the news stand. I got a job as a NASA scientist, and I slowly worked my way up the job latter to finally become an official NASA astronaut. After some trips to the International Space Station, I got the biggest job of my life: the first expedition to Mars. Ten months later, my crew was ready. We had a successful takeoff, and ten days of smooth space traveling had us on Mars. When we got there, things got ugly. The spacesuits were 0.00001% off from their calculations, making it harder for us to breathe. Having had practice holding my breath cleaning up **** at my zoo job, I was prepared for this. My colleges, however, were not. Slowly, each of them starting dying of air deprivation. "WHYYYYYYYYYY?!" I screamed, as I watched my co-workers, my colleges, and friends die around me. I screamed "Quickly! To the spaceship!"
#14 to #13 - freefan (10/03/2012) [-]
Those left boarded the spaceship to get back to Earth, but the long 10-day trek proved treacherous. Once we landed back at Earth, it was only I left. As the sole survivor of the first space expedition to mars, I was a huge deal. I got talk show requests, filled them, explained what happened. My fame allowed me to meet many people, one of them being Keira Knightley. We talked a bit and hit it off right away. She gave me her number after our conversation. Think of it, a nerd like me getting Keira Knightley's number! But I could not allow myself to be distracted, not yet. I was researching a suit that could survive mars's low oxygen, and I thought I had finally found it. It was a very complicated suit, and only I knew how to work it. Having completed my suit, I was able to allow myself some slack and called Keira Knightley. We were a perfect match, we loved each other with all our hearts. Three years into our marriage, we were ready to send another expedition to Mars. The only problem was no one but me knew how to use the spacesuit, so I needed to go with the expedition to teach them how to use the spacesuit. When the spaceship to Mars was ready to takeoff, I turned to my beautiful wife and told her "I love you, Keira Knightley, but Mars !!!!needs!!!! me." I walked onto the spaceship, looked at my wonderful wife as we took off, and got ready for my next journey.
#15 to #14 - wolfmac (10/03/2012) [-]
You know, its people like you that make me come back to the internet every day. I can spend hours looking at mundane **** , just to see little gems like this, and it makes my g-d damned day. I ******* LOVE YOU

that is all
#9 - Wumbologist (10/03/2012) [-]
All I've ever wanted to do with my life is shout, with appropriate context, "I AM the law!!!!!!"
All I've ever wanted to do with my life is shout, with appropriate context, "I AM the law!!!!!!"
#12 to #9 - blakjack (10/03/2012) [-]
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#8 - geeksters (10/03/2012) [-]
**geeksters rolled a random image posted in comment #1 at Warning: tits ** Something I want to say during my life... "I'm not a virgin." And mean it
User avatar #4 - bobsuruncle (10/02/2012) [-]
I have said two of those things, and i know exactly when to say the next one tomorrow.
+3
#3 - galifianakis **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #18 to #7 - artjunk ONLINE (10/03/2012) [-]
Why did this give me the urge to go out and do this..?
#1 - daphneduck (10/02/2012) [-]
IT IS BEGINNING~~I TRIED TO WARN U~ HIM I PROTECT~~ U ALL R SCREWED!!!!! I LOVE MY DAILY PAPER!! lets see WILL THEY BRING UP crap? brony **** ?? HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS CERTAIN ISSUE_BUT IS'S THE WAY TO START THE "DWELLING" SEE DNA LITTLE LAMD~EVIL ALL YOUR EVILWHO WAS THE MOLE_ U LET EVERYTHING LEAK PICTURES ALL_ THANK COMCAST & STEWITN FOR THE KITCHEN & ALL_ UNDERNEATH THE COVERSYES THEY HAVE ALL..NEVER EVER 4-GET DONALD!! ADDS YEARS TO UR SENTENCE!!
#20 to #1 - DJFatcat ONLINE (10/03/2012) [-]
#2 to #1 - misterkinz (10/02/2012) [-]
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