Upload
Login or register
Highest Rated Newest
auto-refresh every 1 2 3 5 seconds
Anonymous comments allowed.
#178696 - ronjeremysweiner
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
So im talking to an army recruiter tomorrow
Is there a good way to tell whether hes telling me the truth rather than what he wants me to here?
#178698 to #178696 - confusedasian
Reply +1
(03/24/2015) [-]
Come in looking tough shit. Oil up your body and walk into the office naked. Demand the big honcho's attention and tell them what you want and no other bullshit. You're Ron Jeremy's fucking wee wee pee pee. They start hesitating when they see your glorious oiled up body squirt them with your cum.

I went to an army recruiter once. Told them what I wanted, they told me what I needed to do and shit. They're pretty straight forward, though relentless if you're signing up. My recruiter kept coming by my high school to check up on me and how things are going. I never did end up going through with it, but I commend you on your future services should you go through. God bless America.

Unless you're EU or some other commie country. We'll liberate you soon.
#178688 - itzsquiggle
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
What if... I'm a casual...
#178690 to #178688 - confusedasian
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
We can still be casual friends. I can show you the wold. Shining shimmering splendid.
#178685 - voltblack
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
Okay so I've been thinking about getting one of these little things as a pet, but I never owned a reptile before. I'm doing a shit ton of research to figure out the best way to care for these things before I set out and buy one, so any advice?
#178686 to #178685 - cpawsome
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
Give it a self respecting name.

Not some shit like Liz or Megan, but something like, Mike.
#178687 to #178686 - voltblack
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
I was thinking of something like Duke, but Mike works too.
#178691 to #178687 - confusedasian
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
-Big fish tank
-Lamp for heat source
-One of those little rock bowls for water
-Little den
-My teacher give her's a hammock
-Take out of the cage so it can run around with excercise
-Leave them out of the cage
-Forget about them
-Accidently sit on it
-RIP in peace Mike.

You can also feed them fruits and veggies. Saw my art teacher do it. They also apparently like being petted and carried. Bery noice.
#178692 to #178691 - voltblack
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
Sounds good, I already got a heat source. I didn't know they also eat fruit as well so that's helpful. Many thank.
#178694 to #178692 - confusedasian
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
Here's what they can eat. My teacher's in particular liked apples if I remember correctly.

www.thebeardeddragon.org/what-do-bearded-dragons-eat.php


Don't sit on Mike though. Bearded dragons in particular are really weak against being sat on.
#178695 to #178694 - voltblack
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
Main concern with the live food is where to store it, but this list is helpful, thaaank you. And I promise not to sit on Mike ever.
#178697 to #178695 - confusedasian
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
My teacher put them in a small container near the lizard's tank. Feed the insects too. The saying "You are what you eat" is pretty enforced here. Healthy bugs mean healthy lizards. Here's another link.

pogopogona.com/feeding-bearded-dragons/what-do-bearded-dragons-eat


It's more detailed.
#178699 to #178697 - voltblack
Reply 0
(03/24/2015) [-]
Got it. And that table telling when to feed one is also really helpful. Once again, thanks man.
#178700 to #178699 - confusedasian
Reply 0
(03/24/2015) [-]
I am no man. I am a woman my friend.   
   
   
   
A woman that just so happens to have a beard, hairy legs, hairy chests, and a ridiculously small penis.
I am no man. I am a woman my friend.



A woman that just so happens to have a beard, hairy legs, hairy chests, and a ridiculously small penis.
#178701 to #178700 - voltblack
Reply 0
(03/24/2015) [-]
You're a pretty manly woman.
#178770 to #178708 - voltblack
Reply 0
(03/24/2015) [-]
Son of a bitch...
Son of a bitch...
#178683 - herblegerble
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
So recently (I don't know when it started I just noticed last week when my computer BSOD'd because of temperatures nearing 100C) my CPU has been running super hot when doing nothing at all. Originally it was idling at ~60C but right now it's running at 87C with nothing but Chrome and coretemp open.

I went to the BIOS hoping to find some fan settings to tweak. No luck. CPU fan (stock) is currently running at max speed and CPU is still at 90C. Im hoping to buy a new cooler within the week but I'm not sure that the fan is the problem because these temperatures are actually ridiculous.

It's also worth mentioning that the CPU seems to be overclocking it self by about 200MHz, all the time. It's currently running at 3500MHz with (as I said) just chrome open. I should add that I saw an "OC Tuner" setting in the BIOS and thought maybe I could underclock it for now but that seems to have made things worse, and pressing F5 and resetting to defaults hasn't changed it at all.

What on earth is going on?! I'd rather not melt my CPU if possible because right now I can't afford even the cheapest of all processors (being a student is hard) so resolving this issue would be fantastic. I'd also like to be able to watch 720p youtube videos without running at 95C.

Please help
#178693 to #178683 - confusedasian
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
Perform an exorcist. Sounds like some ghost is fuckng with your shit. Put it's bitch ass in place.
#178680 - confusedasian
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
I live in Florida with no access to German or Swedish and I have no reason to learn either language.

Which do you guys think I should learn?
#178713 to #178680 - enjoigiggity
Reply +1
(03/24/2015) [-]
German, I just think it's a cooler language and more of a chance of needing to know it
#178684 to #178680 - yaybacon
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
Learn whatever you want, but if its a foreign language use this www.duolingo.com/ they even have an app.
#178689 to #178684 - confusedasian
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
Yeah, I was going to use that. I have like 3 language apps. Guess I'll just flip a coin or something.
#178676 - jaytothadee
Reply +1
(03/23/2015) [-]
Advice how bad did i fuck up
>be me couple days ago
>going to zumies
>cute register girl
>wearing booty shorts
DAT ASS.jpg
>she starts to talk to me
>My mind rushing around the one thing i could think is dont say you too
>she goes up to a skateboard deck already had it it was shit
>grabs it and takes it down
>hands it to me
>she said she just got it in stock its supplier is good wood
>I said no I already have that
>she said to me bring it in sometimes i want to see your good wood
>think of all the greentext posts in my head
>"y-you too"

>
#178678 to #178676 - confusedasian
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
So, did she show you her wood yet or?
#178655 - thegamegestapo
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
ITT we share useful information/websites/whatever.

I'll start with www.thread.com

You sign up for free and answer a few questions about your fashion tastes. It then assigns you a real life personal stylist who sends you recommendations based on your own personal fashion sense. You don't even have to buy anything but if you do it links you to where you can get them.

They've got a lot of traffic at the moment so it might take four or five days for you to get your first suggestions but I'd definitely recommend it. Gurlz be mirin'


Your turn.
#178659 to #178655 - hirollin
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
What a neat idea. can you customize price range?
#178660 to #178659 - thegamegestapo
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
That's one of the initial set up things, yeah.
#178658 to #178655 - nonbenderinlife
Reply +1
(03/23/2015) [-]
hisz.rsoe.hu/alertmap/index2.php?smp&lang=eng

Live map of emergencies and disasters worldwide.
#178652 - shaunata
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
Anyone know a good see-through material to use for the eyes of a mask?
#178656 to #178652 - thegamegestapo
Reply +1
(03/23/2015) [-]
Try the RPF cosplay site for suggestions.
#178662 to #178656 - shaunata
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
Thanks man
#178647 - anon
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
this is kind of an awkward question but how do you know if sex was good for your partner?   
finally manned up and did it with the girlfriend and she said it was really good   
she was pretty agitated afterwards and fell asleep 15 minutes after more or less   
i tried asking if it was good in the morning she said yes but i kinda have this feeling i might have not been good enough and its really messing with me but i dont want to press the issue
this is kind of an awkward question but how do you know if sex was good for your partner?
finally manned up and did it with the girlfriend and she said it was really good
she was pretty agitated afterwards and fell asleep 15 minutes after more or less
i tried asking if it was good in the morning she said yes but i kinda have this feeling i might have not been good enough and its really messing with me but i dont want to press the issue
#178795 to #178647 - icefried
Reply 0
(03/24/2015) [-]
fuck her poorly and see if you get a positive response.
If you do, she's lying.
#178664 to #178647 - confusedasian
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
Uh, well I always see things I do as a failure and just know that things can always be improved so you should do the same. Was it good? Bad? Doesn't matter. I can always learn and improve myself.
#178644 - tsoper
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
Hey guys. Im suicidal and ive been thinking about killing myself as so many people suggested.

With so many choices of how to die, its hard for me to pick on the best one. Sadly i can only die once and id wanna get on global news, hopefully for being infamous like elliot rodger or the other school shooter guys.
I dont own a gun or anything, is there anything I could use as a weapon like homemade mustard gas or my car? I need something that would be really fatal.

Also ill make myself a funnyjunk tshirt and wear it. And ill spraypaint a fj on the roof of my car. Ill even record it 1st person perspective.

Give me a cool idea and ill do it. I got nothing else to lose.
this may or not be a joke, you wont find out until i post the results, faggot.
EdgemasterXx3000 out.
#178677 to #178644 - jaytothadee
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
Look up the recipe to mustard gas
put pounds of it into pressurized air cans
have them all set to a string
walk into a feminist convention dressed as a trans girl in a trench coat(beard may or may not be optional)
Say that you are done with the patriarchy
when every one is surronding you in your legbeard glory
drop your trenchcoat to reveal a fully fledged penis
get erection from your awesome glory
erection pulls the string off setting off the mustard gas
scream "for the patriarchy!!" as you and the legbeards drop to the ground
God smiles upon you and welcomes you to heaven

#178665 to #178644 - confusedasian
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
Go to a feminist convention naked.

You'll die a hero and more of a man then I will ever be.
#178646 to #178644 - minearm
Reply +2
(03/23/2015) [-]
stop being an edgy cunt and try to get your life together you piece of shit
#178653 to #178646 - tsoper
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
Its a joke m8. Dont r8 the b8, 4get no1..
#178633 - stealthnull
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
I'm trying to drop weight and get into better shape, maybe even build some real muscle....any advice on a good beginner work out i could do to help me achieve my goal and loose the weight?
#178639 to #178633 - sugoi ONLINE
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
Diet and Cardio like jogging.
Go to fitness board for more advice.
#178643 to #178639 - stealthnull
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
i didnt realize we had a fitness board. thanks
#178636 to #178633 - tsoper
Reply +1
(03/23/2015) [-]
concentration camps
#178632 - blooby
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
The website been really slow for anyone else lately? WebMs and GIFs in particular.
#178674 to #178632 - thisismyhandle ONLINE
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
Yes, I don't know how to fix it. It's only a problem on here
#178666 to #178632 - thefunnyside
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
I had a problem, it's better now
#178628 - cpawsome
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
Frustrated with my life over the past 10 years.
I have changed most things in my life, when from fat to skinny. Single to in a relationship. Straight to bi. Rags to (slight) riches. Underage to 18.

I still feel like a loser, and I think about killing myself every week.
I've put the gun up to my head several times and All I can think is "Why?"
So... What would be enough to finally end this short, shitty life?
#178641 to #178628 - anon
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
Probably because people keep telling you unless you have some kind of super talent or passion you might as well not be alive, which is completely wrong.
At the end of the day existence is pointless as far as we know, the only reason to exist is for existence itself.
But that doesn't need to be a bad thing, what it means is you can do whatever the fuck you want, your life is what you want to make of it, give yourself those goals to achieve, because on some level they do mean something, everyone's life is different and the only person you can truly cater for is yourself.
For example, as I believe there's no true obligations in life I've developed into somewhat of a hedonist, pleasure and joy is what keeps me going, and I enjoy sitting around and eating, gathering up my money and saving for future, more expensive pleasures, like owning my own home, traveling the world, experiencing new things.
You're skinny, you have a relationship and some money, the world is your oyster friend, do whatever the fuck you want.
Just know that if you kill yourself that's it man, game over, you snuffed out your opportunity to exist, why even do that? I mean we all die eventually anyway, might as well enjoy yourself until then.

Not to mention all the people you hurt and shit if you do kill yourself, you must remember there are people who care about you.
#178642 to #178641 - anon
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
Oh yeah guy bellow makes a very good point too!
You should heed his advice at least if not mine.
#178637 to #178628 - lordbrauner
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
Have you considered that the depression you're feeling is so much considered situational, but rather clinical? Sometimes you can't help but feel depressed, no matter how good you have it. I recommend seeing a doctor, and maybe considering a couple therapy sessions to figure this out. Either there's more to it than you know, or you might just need some medication to help balance the hormones flooding your head.

I've been where you are, man. I'm still there. Don't let it get worse before you seek help for it, alright? Don't be afraid to admit when something is beyond your ability to handle. There's no shame in that.
#178638 to #178637 - lordbrauner
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
isn't considered situational*
#178634 to #178628 - stealthnull
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
Finding and fulfilling your true purpose in life. You don't really want to kill yourself, you just have a void you need to fill with something full filling. You can't pull the trigger because you know, deep fucking down you're here for a damn good reason you just haven't found it yet. Keep searching, you'll find that thing that makes you happy and my inbox is always open if you ever want to talk, alright?
#178620 - srhkid
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
Alright guys.. I need help here. My best friends sister just confessed she has a thing for me, and for a while. I had a thing for her, but she is my best friends sister. What do
#178651 to #178620 - amen
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
go for it. And talk with the friend first.. I would not suggest asking for his permission, just tell him about it and ask if he is okay with it..if he is not, then tell him to get used to it
#178622 to #178620 - cpawsome
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
Keep it on the down low.

Nobody gotta know nothin...
#178625 to #178622 - srhkid
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
....that's the same thing she said...
#178657 to #178625 - thegamegestapo
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
Yeah, that's an awful idea, talk to your friend.
#178626 to #178625 - cpawsome
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
She's like the fuckable version of your pal, so no harm really. Unless your pal happens to be into you...
#178627 to #178626 - srhkid
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
Na, we are bros, no homo.
#178630 to #178627 - cpawsome
Reply +1
(03/23/2015) [-]
BUT
There is one last thing you must consider if you are to truley call him your best friend.
"Bros before hoes"
#178631 to #178630 - srhkid
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
Well.. He ain't really my bro. I think we are good friends, but he always talks about his "homie". So I guess I'm a side bro
#178629 to #178627 - cpawsome
Reply +1
(03/23/2015) [-]
Then the sister it is. Problem solved, and enjoy your nights of blush full text and possibly sex.
#178616 - equisespada
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
Lately I've been striving to improve my ability in art, and everyone I know always tells me that I'm great at it, but lately those compliments have felt hollow, every time I talk about my artwork I can feel the disinterest from my friends and family, and while I was drawing earlier today, I thought "what good is this if I have nobody to share it with?"    
   
I enjoy drawing, but it'd be nice to have someone who cared about it as much as I do.   
   
So what should I do?
Lately I've been striving to improve my ability in art, and everyone I know always tells me that I'm great at it, but lately those compliments have felt hollow, every time I talk about my artwork I can feel the disinterest from my friends and family, and while I was drawing earlier today, I thought "what good is this if I have nobody to share it with?"

I enjoy drawing, but it'd be nice to have someone who cared about it as much as I do.

So what should I do?
#178667 to #178616 - confusedasian
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
Post something. I'm no artist myself, but I'm good at being a critic.

To keep things fresh, I'll flip a coin or roll a magic 8 ball to decide if I'll be an asshole or "good".

I'm being serious, just upload whatever and whenever and tag me.
#178617 to #178616 - christhemaster
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
Share with the world via Internet
#178615 - mexicaninja
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
Hey guys i just uploaded my first FiFA video and some suggestions would really be appreciated. www.youtube.com/watch?v=qsh-lgUihcA
#178618 to #178615 - christhemaster
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
First maybe give credit to the song creator, second you can give the videos more direction with text, commentaryor editing because a viewer that has no experience with the game won't know what is going on, give them a reason to watch it
#178619 to #178618 - mexicaninja
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
Thanks man i will get on the commentary soon as i cant do it on weekends because my house is always full of people but yea i got the song off a royalty free website so i only know the song but no creator
#178621 to #178619 - christhemaster
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
Yeah no prob, those sites should give the information
#178614 - unncommon
Reply +1
(03/23/2015) [-]
How do I download skyrim and all the dlc for free on pc?
#178640 to #178614 - lordbrauner
Reply +3
(03/23/2015) [-]
I mean, you could torrent it from oldpiratebay.org but that's illegal. Or maybe even You need to login to view this link

but that's illegal.

You could hypothetically sort the options to find the one that has the most seeders so it downloads faster, but that would be illegal. I hear there are even programs out there like uTorrent to download the torrent and DaemonTools Lite to mount the .iso file on a virtual drive, and they would be necessary to complete such an activity, but I wouldn't know. Because that's illegal.

But don't mind me, these are just hypothetical musings. You wouldn't break the law, people on the internet don't do that sort of thing, right? Like, you wouldn't read the comments on the files listed on those sites I gave you to be sure that the download is legitimate, right?

The thoughts that there are some people out there pirating video games and music keeps me awake at night.
#178645 to #178640 - unncommon
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
Okay
#178624 to #178614 - cpawsome
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
TPB
#178611 - blockcube ONLINE
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
What time of the day does funnyjunk have the most users online?
#178612 to #178611 - anon
Reply +2
(03/23/2015) [-]
Most likely a few hours after school or work, so around 4-5 in America.
#178601 - instalation
Reply 0
(03/23/2015) [-]
Well.. The little light in my life has finally left me. I guess I have a lot more time now to myself. I used to spend that time doing things with them, but now I just have all this extra time, and I don't know what to do with it.
#178604 to #178601 - jokekill
0
has deleted their comment [-]