Home Original Content Funny Pictures Funny GIFs YouTube Funny Text Funny Movies Channels Search
hide menu

Show All Replies Show Shortcuts
Show:   Highest Rated Newest
auto-refresh every 1 2 3 5 seconds

Per page:
Latest users (5): baitdoesnttalkback, dubh, saturated, wetnoodle, xXThatxOnexGuyXx, anonymous(16).
What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#120832 - harleycurnow (03/08/2014) [-]
My 6 y/o nephew just came to see me while i was playing gta v. I let himdrive around for a while but now he wants to go the the 'shoe shop' strip club . what do?
User avatar #120835 to #120832 - HailtotheKing (03/08/2014) [-]
Ha, this happened to me a while ago but with GTA 4. I just distracted him with other stuff until he forgot about it, but never made it apparent that I was pulling him away from what he wanted to do. So when he would bring up the topic I would find a flashy sports car around and drive it really fast away from the club or take out the rocket launcher and fire it into the air or something like that.

This is assuming that you don't want to show him naked virtual ladies which he probably shouldn't be doing anyways.
#120847 to #120835 - harleycurnow (03/08/2014) [-]
Managed to coax him into buying him a nice car and he hasnt looked back.
User avatar #120849 to #120847 - HailtotheKing (03/08/2014) [-]
It's kind of bad to say but if you can distract your kid from what he really wants then he completely forgets about it.
#120817 - CookieKing (03/08/2014) [-]
So, i really like this girl and i'm all ready to confess but the problem is i found out that a very good friend of mine likes her too and has been liking her for a couple of years now. So my question is am i douche for not backing off? like i said i really do like her and we have had some decent conversations and even though he told me that he hasn't even spoken to her i feel like i am breaking some bro code.

This is the first time posting on this board
Idk if thats relevant or not
User avatar #120913 to #120817 - hawaiianhappysauce (03/08/2014) [-]
There seems to be mixed answers here. Some people say your friend had his chance and he blew it, others say to let him go for it first. My answer is:

All is fair in love and war.

Do you expect other people to wait for you? No.
User avatar #120845 to #120817 - captainfuckitall (03/08/2014) [-]
If he's liked her for so long and never made a move, and then gets mad when YOU do, he's just being a little bitch and not even worth your friendship. Go for it.
#120831 to #120817 - dehumanizer (03/08/2014) [-]
disregard women, aquire brotherhood

pic related, my wallpaper
User avatar #120826 to #120817 - thirdjess (03/08/2014) [-]
If your bro has been after her for longer give him a chance first. Though, since he's had a crush on her for so long I'd say you should be like 'I'm giving you two weeks to confess or I'll confess first'
User avatar #120823 to #120817 - deffinitlynotafag (03/08/2014) [-]
i would not consider this breaking of the bro code.. two (or more) guys often compete for a girl. bro code is more for sisters, ex's, and new girls (imltho).

dont back down, try to get her, if you fail at least you tried, and now your bro has a chance.

yes it is, almost half of advice seekers are on girls
#120800 - dehumanizer (03/08/2014) [-]
This is the best love advice you will ever recive from this forum.Personaly I enjoy >tfw no gf
This is the best love advice you will ever recive from this forum.Personaly I enjoy >tfw no gf
#120883 to #120800 - minutes ONLINE (03/08/2014) [-]
A wife/partner is just like a best friend, just that you love her more and that you get to fuck /kiss etc. I really don't see a problem with that.
#120895 to #120883 - dehumanizer (03/08/2014) [-]
>implying thats real
#120900 to #120895 - minutes ONLINE (03/08/2014) [-]
Hey dude i never had a girlfriend, i am just optimistic. There are over 3 billion girls out there, you just gotta find the right one. I got rejected so often, but if i find the right one in the end it was all worth it. May I ask how old you are?
User avatar #120812 to #120800 - deffinitlynotafag (03/08/2014) [-]
Don't want to deal with women bullshit, guess what you dont have to!

Solution: be a Dominate (Dom) and find yourself someone who is submissive.

look into BDSM Master/slave relationship. its a a beautiful thing.
#120813 to #120812 - dehumanizer (03/08/2014) [-]
So not only do i have to deal with my own problems but her's too? Nah I'd rather get a doge.
User avatar #120815 to #120813 - deffinitlynotafag (03/08/2014) [-]
if your Dominate those problems will be worked out.

dont get me wrong its some work, but so is training a dog... to be honest the girl will be easier to train if you find the right one.
#120816 to #120815 - dehumanizer (03/08/2014) [-]
>implying all women arent trash and that there is a thing such as right one
User avatar #120819 to #120816 - deffinitlynotafag (03/08/2014) [-]
someone dosn't like hunting....

this is advice board, save your trolling shit for somewhere else.
#120820 to #120819 - dehumanizer (03/08/2014) [-]
>implying i havent been hunting only to find "the right one"
>implying i didnt realise she's only this good becasue i cant have her
>implying i didnt give up on women because I realised they were all shit

you will never know these feels, bakka
User avatar #120821 to #120820 - deffinitlynotafag (03/08/2014) [-]
you imply a lot of stuff....

little girly man
#120822 to #120821 - dehumanizer (03/08/2014) [-]
You calling me what kid? Pic related, its me.
User avatar #120824 to #120822 - deffinitlynotafag (03/08/2014) [-]
little girly man, since your eyes are to shitty to read small text.

and you think im a kid, thats so cute.
User avatar #120829 to #120828 - deffinitlynotafag (03/08/2014) [-]
i already did
User avatar #120801 to #120800 - iridium (03/08/2014) [-]
>no sexy time
>no titties n ass
>no kissy time
>no good sandwiches
#120808 to #120801 - thirdjess (03/08/2014) [-]
That's not all a partner is good for
User avatar #120798 - vortix (03/08/2014) [-]
a random pig face female and 2 dudes bursted throw my door. asking for their iPhone that i supposiedly stole.

they searching my apratment for no reason ... what do? other then calling the cops ofc? should i blame them for the my mess? (they are fuck faces that claim with no proof).
User avatar #120914 to #120798 - hawaiianhappysauce (03/08/2014) [-]
They invaded your home, the cops should arrest them for breaking in.
User avatar #120802 to #120798 - iridium (03/08/2014) [-]
Threaten them + call the cops.

If they're scouring your house theyre probably gonna take shit.
#120799 to #120798 - dehumanizer (03/08/2014) [-]
shoot them and claim self defence during home invasion
User avatar #120793 - NeucularNINJA (03/08/2014) [-]
Alright late nigh FJ I need some girl advice!
User avatar #120807 to #120793 - thirdjess (03/08/2014) [-]
Play 20Q (the 'sussing the person out' version not the 'guess my object' option)
User avatar #120795 to #120794 - NeucularNINJA (03/08/2014) [-]
I'm talking to this girl on skype and I don't know what to say! Feed me lines oh mighty Metallicock! Please. you're my only hope!
User avatar #120803 to #120795 - iridium (03/08/2014) [-]
Ask questions. Let her carry the conversation on. She asks you anything, feel free to talk about it a bit in depth. Just don't talk too much.

If you want actual lines though, you gotta do that shit yourself.
User avatar #120797 to #120795 - Metallicock (03/08/2014) [-]
are you guys face to face, or just typing?
User avatar #120796 to #120795 - Metallicock (03/08/2014) [-]
find out here interests, people love to talk about that kind of stuff
find something you can relate to or an interest you two share.

Idk where you are trying to go with this. . .
User avatar #120775 - nickypiebang (03/08/2014) [-]

I went to the mall today to go get some food but i did a couple drifts in the parking lot and someone was staring. When i came back from the mall and left i saw a cop pull in to the same road as i entered. I assume someone called me in. My question is. Since the cops weren't there, can they ticket me? Can they call up my house or somthing? PARANOID. They were good drifts 2 btw.
User avatar #121626 to #120775 - nickypiebang (03/12/2014) [-]
User avatar #120818 to #120775 - deffinitlynotafag (03/08/2014) [-]
expanding on my answer

as for "private lot" it might be privately owned, but its open to the public. its a mall, with stores and shit. since its open to the public the police are allowed to police in there. its generally implied that the owners would want law and order on there grounds. and laws still apply.

its different if you purchased an empty plot of land, got it paved and did your donuts there.
User avatar #120814 to #120775 - deffinitlynotafag (03/08/2014) [-]
from nj here. work with LE

anyway they would need some sort of evidence that it was you. video or picture that identified your vehicle and you as the driver doing the act.

just because there were no CCTV cams, dosnt mean your clear though. cellphone footage is so clear these days sometimes its BETTTER then CCTV, so bewear. (plus other shit like go pro).

but if you drove away its a pretty good indication that you got off. so i wouldnt worry about it.
User avatar #120810 to #120775 - Rei (03/08/2014) [-]
If the mall ha CCTV you could be fucked.
#120790 to #120775 - aceonfire (03/08/2014) [-]
No legitimate evidence, unless they went through time consuming efforts. Pretty sure you're golden mate.
User avatar #120778 to #120775 - songemot (03/08/2014) [-]
ur dun 4
User avatar #120779 to #120778 - nickypiebang (03/08/2014) [-]
so is ur s3x life
#120780 to #120779 - songemot (03/08/2014) [-]
u wana go m8
u wana go m8
User avatar #120781 to #120780 - nickypiebang (03/08/2014) [-]
only if u pay for the dinner
User avatar #120776 to #120775 - awesomerninjathing (03/08/2014) [-]
you're fucked bro
User avatar #120767 - mondominiman (03/08/2014) [-]
To get into the university Im going to have to take the ACT or SAT test since I never took it when I was in high school. What should I study or look forward to?
User avatar #120827 to #120767 - deffinitlynotafag (03/08/2014) [-]
there are SAT prep courses for under $500, if your score is important enough to you, or you find it valuable to take one.

if $ is an issue or you just don't want to spend it there's a few free online mini-courses (10-15 questions) and a "SAT question of the day" thing you can sign up for online.

other then that you shouldn't study for specifics, you should study on how to take a test.

-process of elimination
-time management
-read all possible answers
-dissreguarding excess information

shit like that^

questions? let me know
User avatar #120789 to #120767 - advicedude (03/08/2014) [-]
east = act
west = sat
User avatar #120915 to #120789 - hawaiianhappysauce (03/08/2014) [-]
I think you have it backwards, I think eastern US focus on SAT and Western focus on ACT.
User avatar #120916 to #120915 - advicedude (03/08/2014) [-]
Oh yeah, sorry east/west thing confuses me.
User avatar #120792 to #120789 - mondominiman (03/08/2014) [-]
I don't understand?
User avatar #120811 to #120792 - advicedude (03/08/2014) [-]
east/west coasts
User avatar #120773 to #120767 - ScottP ONLINE (03/08/2014) [-]
Fuck it. Take both. What could possibly go wrong?
User avatar #120768 to #120767 - makotoitou (03/08/2014) [-]
>not taking it in high school
User avatar #120769 to #120768 - mondominiman (03/08/2014) [-]
If I took it in high school chances are I would have low scores since I just did not care. I think my average was like a low B or high C.
User avatar #120770 to #120769 - makotoitou (03/08/2014) [-]
Dude Bs are good.
#120771 to #120770 - mondominiman (03/08/2014) [-]
It's the double D's you want though
User avatar #120772 to #120771 - makotoitou (03/08/2014) [-]
nice one
#120762 - killerpillow (03/08/2014) [-]
So I have a crush on this one girl that got hired yesterday at work, lets call her Kim. So as I leaving for the day i passed by her as she was going back to work and we engaged in a brief conversation. As she was leaving I spewed out "see ya later man" instead of "see ya later Kim". I realized the brain fart immediatly but couldnt recover. She paused briefly and looked somewhat confused after I said that. So how bad did i fuck up?
User avatar #120804 to #120762 - iridium (03/08/2014) [-]
You're over-thinking it. It's a simple mistake, and even that one is harmless at best.

I've gotten away with saying "I love you" by accident to someone by downplaying it as "whoops, sorry, that slipped cause I usually talk to family on the phone". Don't think about it too much.
User avatar #120763 to #120762 - thirdjess (03/08/2014) [-]
Is this serious? Hello, I am also a woman, I use dude, man and mate interchangably within the sexes and I don't give a rats ass if someone calls me dude, man or mate. Honestly if she has a problem with being called 'man' in a friendly manner you probably don't want to date her.
#120765 to #120763 - killerpillow (03/08/2014) [-]
If it weren't for her brief pause and confused look I would just have brushed it off.
User avatar #120766 to #120765 - thirdjess (03/08/2014) [-]
She might have thought you were going back inside
User avatar #120758 - skorve (03/08/2014) [-]
So I started working at this new place just about a month ago. Just an hourly shit job, nothing special. But now, a better job might come available (better hours, I wouldn't have to close as often so I'd have nights to myself, I know people there, etc.). My question is: would quitting my current job look bad on future resumes, since I've only been there a month? Will future employers be put off by that? Or would I be fine switching?
#120791 to #120758 - aceonfire (03/08/2014) [-]
As a hiring manager, it depends. If it's early on (like first job or two) we usually just skim past it. If it's a trend, then usually it's a red flag. Basically, if you get hired at this other job, just don't quit quickly and you'll be fine. Also, be sure to put in your two weeks before quitting.
User avatar #120764 to #120758 - thirdjess (03/08/2014) [-]
Yea like derp said, apply and interview for that other place and if they hire you, tell em you need to give your other job your two weeks. If you straight up quit your old work isn't required to referee your work ethic.
User avatar #120760 to #120758 - hawaiianhappysauce (03/08/2014) [-]
It doesn't look as bad if it's a job in something that doesn't require much skill.
User avatar #120759 to #120758 - derpityhurr (03/08/2014) [-]
Dont really have an answer for you but if you do decide to switch jobs, I'd advise you to get hired at your new job before you quit your current one
User avatar #120753 - beatmasterz (03/07/2014) [-]
Are there any doctors here? Are you ever grossed out by certain patients or procedures?
User avatar #120754 to #120753 - ferrettamer (03/07/2014) [-]
My grandfather was a doctor and he did boobjobs a lot and he said some people were really disgusting
User avatar #120755 to #120754 - makotoitou (03/08/2014) [-]
Was he the one doing or receiving the boobjobs?
User avatar #120757 to #120756 - makotoitou (03/08/2014) [-]
dope ass swag
#120744 - anonymous (03/07/2014) [-]
**anonymous rolled a random comment #906621 posted by therealsuperderpy at Friendly ** :
I never knew you bottom'd bb
I'd support you~

#120740 - Metallicock (03/07/2014) [-]
So I have a very important interview for a promotion coming up. If 1 on 1 interviews aren't bad enough, it will be 3 people (women) interviewing me at the same time, judging every word I say. I also know one of these women is a complete bitch and/or has no people skills.

I don't think I will have trouble thinking of good answers, but actually giving them, saying them to them calmly and clearly with out being all quiet and nervously might be pretty difficult for me, assuming I don't trip over the words them selves. The plus side is a have a VERY good idea on the questions that will be asked. I am an awesome employee at this job and have proven that time and time again, and have every right to feel confident, but I just don't.

So, my question is how do I shake the nervous feeling and show confidence despite feeling nervous. I'm spaghetti already just thinking about it. How should a prepare for this while getting ready and waiting outside the door?

How to I not be spaghetti?
Or at least be calm spaghetti. . .
Also, Red tie or Blue tie? I'm wearing tan pants and a white button up with very thin light blue stripes going down

If you give a funny answer, please give a useful one as well please. . .
User avatar #120749 to #120740 - tombobbusama (03/07/2014) [-]
Imagine everyone naked, it helps if you show up naked too.

Onto the serious, if you know you get quiet when you're nervous, try and purposefully speak loud. As in, practice the answers in the mirror, but say them too loud.
I found that when I'm nervous, I speak really really fast. So I practiced reading things painfully slow, and tried to emulate that in normal nervous speech. It helped a lot. Dont know if it'll work for you, but it helped me.
If the red tie doesnt clash, I'd go for red personally. Too much blue on the shirt AND the tie just seems a bit much to me...
User avatar #120748 to #120740 - advicedude (03/07/2014) [-]
Black tie.
#120747 to #120740 - advicedude has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #120746 to #120740 - advicedude (03/07/2014) [-]
Tip: post more pasghetti
#120739 - guitarnigger (03/07/2014) [-]
hey guys, ive got a problem, i dont know how to hit on girls, i mean, i know i just have to grow some balls and just go and say hello, but i also know i have to make her feel comfortable and not make her feel harassed, and i dont know exactly how to do that, what to say. Anyone got advice for me? thanks in advance
User avatar #120869 to #120739 - sauditwo (03/08/2014) [-]
It's just a different time, man, it's just a different time. There was a time, when we showed love. You know like how we, approach a young lady, you see a beautiful young lady you like, you say "Damn, man." You're gorgeous, I'll take off my coat right now and, lay it down on the puddle and, make sure you don't miss a step. You know what I'm talking bout, young man? See all these bitches, hoes, thots? I just don't understand it
User avatar #121053 to #120869 - guitarnigger (03/09/2014) [-]
luckily there are still nice and sweet girls on this world, brother
User avatar #120805 to #120739 - iridium (03/08/2014) [-]
Not much of an expert, but I can say a few cardinal rules:

-Don't be creepy
-Try to be funny. Not hilarious, but like giggle funny. Though sometimes hilarious works, but not stupid hilarious.
-Smile. Like a normal, happy smile, not a slasher smile.
-Girls are humans too, so don't treat them anything more or anything less. And if they say no, then oh well. Know when to quit.

The rest kind of depends, but you'll get used to it.

Also, considering your name is "guitarnigger", I would suggest leaving that side of yourself on the internet.
User avatar #121054 to #120805 - guitarnigger (03/09/2014) [-]
i think the secret is to be confident and know how to say the things you want to say, and when to say em
User avatar #120743 to #120739 - Metallicock (03/07/2014) [-]
Well guitarnigger, the best advice I can give is to make them giggle.
Giggles = good
Laughs = you probably messed up and they are laughing at you

Other than that, make eye contact and try to look confident (idk how to do that lol) and keep in mind, even if they "reject" you, they still will almost always still find it flattering and just might make their day!

Sorry, that's all I got. I'm not good at it either. . .
User avatar #120868 to #120743 - butterisgood (03/08/2014) [-]
They find that flattering? really?
User avatar #120884 to #120868 - Metallicock (03/08/2014) [-]
Would you not find being hit on flattering?
User avatar #120920 to #120884 - butterisgood (03/08/2014) [-]
yeah, i would, but i just assumed they wouldn't really, cuz they're girls, and girls are weird
#120745 to #120743 - guitarnigger (03/07/2014) [-]
**guitarnigger rolled a random image posted in comment #847202 at Friendly **

its ok any kind of help is good thanks
User avatar #120736 - mondominiman (03/07/2014) [-]
Are refurbished items worth buying online? I found some good speakers that are cheap because they are refurbished.
User avatar #120806 to #120736 - iridium (03/08/2014) [-]
Refurbished is just a fancy word for "used, but cleaned". You can get varied results, but if they're a significant amount cheaper than the alternative, its worth it.

Now if the product itself sucks, it doesn't matter if its refurbished.
User avatar #120750 to #120736 - advicedude (03/07/2014) [-]
Depends on price. If they're cheap it's worth it.
User avatar #120761 to #120750 - mondominiman (03/08/2014) [-]
I read some reviews on it and apparently it sucks.
User avatar #120719 - huntergriff ONLINE (03/07/2014) [-]
Anyone know how the google monetization thing for making youtube videos works?
User avatar #120734 to #120719 - thirdjess (03/07/2014) [-]
0.1c per view. So those videos that have two and a half million views only make $2.5k roughly.
User avatar #120720 to #120719 - huntergriff ONLINE (03/07/2014) [-]
and possibly how much money you can get from it?
User avatar #120721 to #120720 - Rei (03/07/2014) [-]
5 cents
User avatar #120722 to #120721 - huntergriff ONLINE (03/07/2014) [-]
User avatar #120723 to #120722 - Rei (03/07/2014) [-]
That's assuming you don't have a large subscriber base.
User avatar #120724 to #120723 - huntergriff ONLINE (03/07/2014) [-]
well, that just blew my idea out...
User avatar #120836 to #120724 - HailtotheKing (03/08/2014) [-]
On top of that it's not a stable income. You might make $3,000 one week because a video got big and drew in a lot of view but the next week you could just be making $100 because of the normal views.

It's gamble that requires thousands of hours of work for only the possibility of a reward.
#120708 - pacs (03/07/2014) [-]
what can i do to stay awake another 4 hours
cold water helped a bit
User avatar #120712 to #120708 - alstorp (03/07/2014) [-]
Bananas pack a lot of fast energy. Eat one.
#120715 to #120712 - pacs (03/07/2014) [-]
didn't help

Despicable Me 2 | Minions Banana Song (2013) SNSD TTS
User avatar #120709 to #120708 - magthebrownranger (03/07/2014) [-]
Cola all-ways seem to help me. Also it helps to get shocked, so go watch some jump scare compilation to get the adrenaline going.
#120710 to #120709 - pacs (03/07/2014) [-]
jump scare woke me up thx ....
cola doesn't work on me already had coffee and energy drinks
User avatar #120703 - vortexrain (03/07/2014) [-]
I occasionally go through periods of extreme hunger. I'll be hungry no matter what I eat, and it gets really annoying. This has caused me to gain a lot of weight throughout my life, and I've just gotten into exercising. This hunger thing is making it really hard to lose weight. I need help with stopping this.
User avatar #120837 to #120703 - HailtotheKing (03/08/2014) [-]
I went through the same thing while loosing weight, there really is no cookie cutter advice to fix it. I found that drinking about a half gallon of water a day stopped it along with some healthy fat like peanuts or almonds.

Try out different healthy foods that could fill you up then stick with it.
User avatar #120711 to #120703 - erikus (03/07/2014) [-]
Water is also really good for that.

The water ends filling your stomach so you don't get hungry. And it's healthy in many ways. Try having a water bottle or something like that nearby all the time.

Sauce: My brother did that to lose weight. He has.
User avatar #120704 to #120703 - iridium (03/07/2014) [-]
Find things you like that fill you up that aren't loaded with calories. Fruits and vegetables are good places to start, especially vegetables. Trust me, I'm a very picky eater and even I don't mind eating carrots and broccoli, so there's something out there you'll probably like.

Also, spread food throughout your day instead of eating it in large bunches.
User avatar #120705 to #120704 - vortexrain (03/07/2014) [-]
Alright, thanks for the help.
User avatar #120706 to #120705 - iridium (03/07/2014) [-]
Dunno if that will fix everything but it's a good place to start.
#120697 - anonymous (03/07/2014) [-]
my dick is 6.5 inches.
would i be able to get road head?
how much of it will fit in a girls mouth when shes giving me head?
and if she deepthroats me, will she gag?
thanks for the help.
User avatar #120751 to #120697 - advicedude (03/07/2014) [-]
You'd better not die, that's your main concern.
User avatar #120701 to #120697 - iridium (03/07/2014) [-]
-Depends on the chick
-See: 2
-See: 2
-You're not welcome.
User avatar #120689 - tredbear (03/07/2014) [-]
confucius says: "One who enjoys a large rear does not lie"
User avatar #120702 to #120689 - iridium (03/07/2014) [-]
That explains everything.
User avatar #120690 to #120689 - makotoitou (03/07/2014) [-]
lincoln said "don't trust everything you read online"
User avatar #120692 to #120690 - tredbear (03/07/2014) [-]
**tredbear rolled a random comment #39 posted by cosmicapprentice at Gets me every time ** :
User avatar #120707 to #120692 - cosmicapprentice ONLINE (03/07/2014) [-]
Wow, my comment was somehow relevant to this conversation.
#120684 - sircool has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #120687 to #120684 - iridium (03/07/2014) [-]
>"But I don't even know what to ask for advice for, i'm just utterly lost."
>"Still haven't gotten a good final answer."


>third time asking

Dude. You gotta do at least some of this yourself. And your question has no definitive answer. The only answer I can give that I didn't last time is work to move on in your own way. Talk to people you actually know.
User avatar #120688 to #120687 - sircool (03/07/2014) [-]
i'm just utterly lost at this point, so i'm asking from any source on what to do. I expected different people to be on and have different answers.
User avatar #120691 to #120688 - iridium (03/07/2014) [-]
But you've already asked multiple times, plus you've kind of contradicted yourself.

There's only so much people on the internet can advise you on without knowing you personally.

Not trying to be a dick here, but there's only so much we can do.
User avatar #120686 to #120684 - makotoitou (03/07/2014) [-]
you git gud
 Friends (0)