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Latest users (3): alexanderburns, thedudeistheman, xXThatxOnexGuyXx, anonymous(15).
What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#138565 - anonymous (06/14/2014) [-]
my bf acts like an asshole to me when he's angry at someone else or is upset over something. (wont even say 'i love you' and that kindof stuff) What should i do ? or what would you do.

I try to be comforting and supportive but its hard when he acts this. :\
#138568 to #138565 - womanexplain (06/14/2014) [-]
Sit down with him and tell him how you feel, explain that you aren't happy by his behaviour and ask that he works on it. If that doesn't work, you may have to consider a break up.
I wish you luck!
User avatar #138569 to #138568 - womanexplain (06/14/2014) [-]
Or, if he's someone you wish to stay with, ask him to go to anger therapy or even go together.
Or just tell him to block out the people that make him angry.
User avatar #138566 to #138565 - ipostcp (06/14/2014) [-]
If somebody is pissed off, give them space. Are you retarded?
#138567 to #138566 - womanexplain (06/14/2014) [-]
STOP BEING RUDE TO EVERYONE.
User avatar #138576 to #138567 - ipostcp (06/14/2014) [-]
If you're pissed off, the last thing you want to do is talk about why your pissed off.
#138578 to #138576 - womanexplain (06/14/2014) [-]
Yeah, but there's no need to be a meanie. Plus he's doing it a lot, so it's an issue for her.
User avatar #138579 to #138578 - ipostcp (06/14/2014) [-]
Obviously he is under stress. Making him aware that his relationship is being affected will just make it worse and cause tension.
#138580 to #138579 - womanexplain (06/14/2014) [-]
Well she/he can't just put up with his shitty behaviour because he won't deal with whatever it is that's pissing him off. Why should she/he suffer for it?
Well she/he can't just put up with his shitty behaviour because he won't deal with whatever it is that's pissing him off. Why should she/he suffer for it?
User avatar #138581 to #138580 - ipostcp (06/14/2014) [-]
Don't give a shit, I told them my opinion on it. They can think for themselves too.
#138584 to #138581 - womanexplain (06/14/2014) [-]
I see that, but there's no need to be rude.
I see that, but there's no need to be rude.
#138558 - anonymous (06/14/2014) [-]
I had met this guy summer 2013 and we got really close because of some problems in our lives. Once we got over our problems he admitted to me he really liked me. I didn't know what to do about it because I was going off to college but I knew we were extraordinarily compatible so I figured what was the harm in dating him? That's where I made my mistake, in telling him we could try dating.

It was my first year of college and we lasted about 2 months. We had broken up at least 3 times by the end, twice by me and once by him. I realized that I didn't have it in me to make a commitment and that I felt too pressured by him to feel the same as he did, which was head over heels in love.
#138559 to #138558 - anonymous (06/14/2014) [-]
I kind of believe in mental cheating where you're constantly checking out other people and thinking of being with them and I didn't feel comfortable that I was looking at other people I know that when I'm really committed to a relationship the guy I'm with is the only person I see . So that's why I broke up with him. I also had a gut feeling that something was a little "off" about us being together.

Post break-up, he tried throwing everything he could at me to win me back. He tried flowers and chocolate, sweet actions to woo me. When that didn't work he constantly told me reasons why I should take him back. And when that didn't work he told me how he's practically gone crazy (not his words but my view): he sent me pictures of him cutting himself, how he wants to commit suicide, that he's been sexually abused and raped as a child, how he's never going to love anybody again and that I'm the only girl he'll ever love.
#138561 to #138559 - anonymous (06/14/2014) [-]
That went on for a good month after the final break up, then I finally vented to him about what I had done to try to move on by going on a bunch of dates with a lot of different guys. He got really pissed at me for telling him and refused to talk to me until I got back from college.

When I got back he apologized. Then proceeded to ask if there was any chance of us getting back together. I laughed it off and said no and he seemed to be ok with it. But then I realized that even though I was happy we were talking again, I was absolutely disgusted with the idea of talking to him. The month of him trying to win me back was a form of abuse. Looking back on it, I know I could have prevented a lot of it, but I hate when people are in pain so I tried to help him.
#138562 to #138561 - anonymous (06/14/2014) [-]
Now the memories of him and I being together are completely warped and twisted. Everything is really fucked up. I don't miss him anymore and I view the whole relationship as a mistake. I know I can learn from this mistake, but I'm really struggling with the memories coming back to me. These memories fill me with absolute disgust and even make me feel dirty/unclean.

I guess what I'm asking for here is how do I get over this? Or is it something that only time can help? No one except for the guy I'm interested in dating knows the story, but I really need this off my chest. I just don't know what to do anymore. My ex is no longer in my life cuz he overreacted to me ignoring him and I told him off, but the memories are still here.

TL;DR I'm having some serious bad memories that keep coming back to haunt me and the story is the backstory to why I have them.
User avatar #138563 to #138562 - thatnigger (06/14/2014) [-]
Problem here is, most of the time when people have bad experiences like this in a relationship and it doesn't end well. They try and ignore everything about that person and distract themselves with other things. Some people don't get over it, they just get to the point where they've forgotten or it doesn't bother them too much anymore.
There is a way I could think of to fix it. It's basically when you find closure but honestly a lot of people never find closure.
I say let time help, because if you try and talk it out with him, you've got to do it very delicately and it might not even end the right way. It might even cause things to get worse, because not everything is certain.
#138617 to #138563 - anonymous (06/14/2014) [-]
I don't want to talk to him. At this point he's just a bad memory. I really do think time and new memories will help but right now just thinking of anything to do with him makes me shudder.

My mom doesn't know what he's done and I don't plan on telling her but she loves making comparisons to him whenever I talk about the guy I like. She doesn't understand why I get so mad and tell her to stop talking about my ex and I don't want anything to do with him. So yeah. Just got hit with a wave of memories.
User avatar #138619 to #138617 - thatnigger (06/14/2014) [-]
Yea, if you don't want to talk to him, then let time to its magic. You just need to keep your mind off of it, which can be hard if he'll get brought up in conversations. If it happens again, try not to snap, just stay again that you really don't want her to do that and how it's a bit rude for her to prey into your love life I guess. Hope you'll be alright. :3
#138665 to #138619 - anonymous (06/15/2014) [-]
Thanks a bunch man I just wanted to get this off my chest :3
0
#138560 to #138559 - solareyes has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #138556 - hwangw (06/14/2014) [-]
Beta fag here. My best friend has been staying with me for a week. We're kind of "more than friends" but haven't wanted to start a relationship long distance. But while she's been here we've been kind of acting like a couple and everything. My problem is that earlier today I could tell she wanted me to kiss her, it was a perfect moment, but I froze. She leaves tomorrow and I know that if I don't kiss her before then I'm going to regret it for the rest of my life. What can I do to get past this freezing thing?
User avatar #138583 to #138556 - xXThatxOnexGuyXx ONLINE (06/14/2014) [-]
Find the next open moment alone with her, grab her attention, tell her you like her and just look her in the eyes and go for it man!
#138557 to #138556 - sneakypeeps (06/14/2014) [-]
Close your eyes and go for it man. Basically the only way.
User avatar #138555 - confusedasian (06/14/2014) [-]
Serious question, but first I'd like to say that I'm fine. I don't have depression, bi-polar, or anything. I'm fine.

What's it like to be happy? Not being happy, but you actually feeling happy.
User avatar #138585 to #138555 - xXThatxOnexGuyXx ONLINE (06/14/2014) [-]
As someone with Social-Anxiety, I would describe happiness as Care-Free.
It's subjective, really.
#138571 to #138555 - minutes ONLINE (06/14/2014) [-]
Happyness is when you just feel awesome waking up. The second you open your eyes from your sleep you think "this is going to be such a fucking great day" You are glad that you have finally opened your eyes and you want every second of this day. Even when you don't have anything planned whatsoever, you just feel good for the hell of it. When something goes wrong you simply don't give a shit cause hey it's such an awesome time to be alive. Like when you drop your sandwich, you don't think "oh no for fucks sake" you just smile and think "well i am going to make a new one then". Happyness is when youre just completely satisfied with the moment. When you feel like you are exactly where you want to be, when you wouldn't want to swap with anyone cause you're in the perfect spot. Happyness is when you know everything will turn out just fine, just because you can feel it.
User avatar #138554 - beautifull (06/14/2014) [-]
I need some advice, why aren't you fucks playing webopoly with me right now?
Hosting a game of webopoly on webopoly.org (rip off of monopoly you can play in browser)

Game name is Funnyjunk
Password is Funnyjunk
#138552 - misterobotunicorn (06/14/2014) [-]
Hey guys im trying to lose weight this summer and i need your advice. im not a huge fatfuck , im 17, 5'7 and weigh 160 pounds, For some people that doesnt seen fat but believe me i need to lose the belly fat. Any good routines, diets? what to eat what not to eat? i heard cardio is best for this, i chose jogging. I want to lose 20+ pounds before school starts. i dont have any fancy weights and stuff, only 2 ten pound weights. PLease help a brother out.
#138612 to #138552 - saltybanana (06/14/2014) [-]
try this dudes work outs, helped me off in my bodybuilding hobbies
www.youtube.com/channel/UCrzICdOsXhtn4zMlk4bnTIg

best thing is to make sure you get lots of protein and good carbs from veggies, brown rice, etc.
and stop eating out, and no more ice cream for yoooou
User avatar #138633 to #138612 - misterobotunicorn (06/14/2014) [-]
thanks for your help
#138573 to #138552 - minutes ONLINE (06/14/2014) [-]
Join a gym, lift weights 3 times a week, eat less and clean. No fast food, no soda, cola or whatever. Anything that isn't water or sugar free juice is wrong. I would recommend swimming rather then jogging cause you burn more calories and built more muscles doing it. Best would be swimming 2 times a week i think.
User avatar #138634 to #138573 - misterobotunicorn (06/14/2014) [-]
thanks for your help
User avatar #138570 to #138552 - envinite ONLINE (06/14/2014) [-]
Throw french fries to a landwhale riding a scooter. Enjoy the thrill while you run from them.
User avatar #138553 to #138552 - marinepenguin (06/14/2014) [-]
Do sprints (jogging by itself will burn off 1 pound of muscle for every 3 pounds of fat. Sprints burn pure fat), lift weights, and just clean up your diet.
Take baby steps on the diet. Just cut the soda and chocolate, and junk food out first. It's really not that hard.
User avatar #138635 to #138553 - misterobotunicorn (06/14/2014) [-]
thanks for your help
User avatar #138620 to #138553 - leadstriker (06/14/2014) [-]
dude i've been jogging all this time and it makes me weaker??
User avatar #138621 to #138620 - marinepenguin (06/14/2014) [-]
Well if you lift weights regularly then it shouldn't be a problem. Jogging completely on it's own will lose muscle mass.

If you jog while lifting weights occasionally, it shouldn't hurt. Although your gains will be slowed a little, depending on the amount of times you jog a week and how long you go for.
#138546 - toxicnachos (06/14/2014) [-]
How do I open my disktray on windows 8?
I also don't see the disk drive thing either so its impossible for me to click it and click eject.
Help!!
I need it for World of Warcraft!
User avatar #138547 to #138546 - ilikethisusername (06/14/2014) [-]
theres a disktray open button on your desktop. press it, the tray will pop out.
User avatar #138543 - adrilazzaro (06/14/2014) [-]
So i wanna take out my gf to do something nice but we're teenfags and the movies at the theater are pretty shit atm, also most outside activities like a walk or picnic are nulled cause 100 degree Houston weather.
Im really struggling to find something thats entertaining asides from just watching movies at my house.
What do?
#138613 to #138543 - saltybanana (06/14/2014) [-]
bro who needs dates when you have swagg!

i rememeber when i was wee lil fagget like you, going out was hard as shit, always asking your parents for money togo to the movies, or to sleep overs. aaaahhhh the goodold days

well these are the things i use todo when i was a broke ass nigguh.
-park is one, but i dont know the weather there so idk

-someone suggested to do dinner, i honeslty think if i was a chick love that its cheaper and fun because after words you can watch movies at home or get to know one and other more etc.

-be productive and go out and play sports like bball or fucking catch niggu?

-save up money and go to an amusement park. i use todo that every other week with my gf back then.

-go on double dates, and find a friend with a freaking pool
User avatar #138614 to #138613 - adrilazzaro (06/14/2014) [-]
Fuck I'd love to go to an amusement park, got money (have a part time job thing different story) but the closest thing to a fair or amusement park requires a 3 hour drive to a different town and houston has no public transport
User avatar #138615 to #138614 - saltybanana (06/14/2014) [-]
ahhhh i feel you, so you basically do have money den

den why do nt you tajke her to a nice resturant? something new to her, or something she likes. like i said be careful dont wanna be taking her out every week or some shit like that and waist your money, cause money flys. thyats my best opinion i could think, cause idont know what is near you.

User avatar #138616 to #138615 - adrilazzaro (06/14/2014) [-]
hopefully i'll get a driving license soon, It'd be easier then. but will work on your advice.
User avatar #138618 to #138616 - saltybanana (06/14/2014) [-]
yeah dont let that hold you back, look at as motivation when you take your dmv test.

it helped me. in other words gotta take the nike express meanwhile.
User avatar #138549 to #138543 - misticalz ONLINE (06/14/2014) [-]
fUCKIN
User avatar #138544 to #138543 - oborawatabinost (06/14/2014) [-]
Cook her dinner, perhaps? Make it nice n' romantic.
User avatar #138545 to #138544 - adrilazzaro (06/14/2014) [-]
>teenfags
idk, if i can get my house free i'll do it but its a bit awks when my parents are home most of the time
User avatar #138548 to #138545 - oborawatabinost (06/14/2014) [-]
Well, depending on how understanding they are, they could try and stay out of the way, maybe.

And if you're living somewhere really hot try doing something in the evening/night, when it's cooler.
User avatar #138532 - revengeforfreeze (06/13/2014) [-]
I was about to go to bed and then I felt it. I started thinking about some bad memories I had. Then I thought about them more rationally than I usually did. I feel my brain ''lightingup'' sort of, as if something changed, and then .. my ears started to ring. What was this about? A stroke?
#138574 to #138532 - minutes ONLINE (06/14/2014) [-]
Thinking logical about mistakes you made in the past it probably the best thing you can do in your life. That's what memories are for, to help you improve. If you can think of your failures and figure out what exactly went wrong, you can now focus on this and not do the same mistake again next time. Always acknowledge the mistakes you made and try to not repeat them, this is how success is made.
User avatar #138551 to #138541 - misterobotunicorn (06/14/2014) [-]
read the whole thing
User avatar #138533 to #138532 - teoberry (06/13/2014) [-]
Not sure, but you can type so you didn't stroke.
User avatar #138535 to #138533 - revengeforfreeze (06/13/2014) [-]
Not sarcastic, just thinking outside of the box so to speak. People would think I'm nuts if Isaid it, but ewhy not really? Either that or my brain contracts or something, if that is even possible.
User avatar #138534 to #138533 - revengeforfreeze (06/13/2014) [-]
I was thinking it was along the line of god telling me I did right to acknowledge my problems instead of fleeing
#138526 - anonymous (06/13/2014) [-]
so a girl i've had a crush on since i was a kid is moving far far away in a week
also i suspected she had a crush on me
i feel like i should say something
but either way it's going to suck because if she doesn't like me then it sucks
and if she does it still sucks cause she's leaving
wat do
#138575 to #138526 - minutes ONLINE (06/14/2014) [-]
Rationally spoken, you will feel like shit either way. No matter what you do you feel like shit right? Now that we sorted that out, what would you like to remember? In 10 years do you want to look back and think "Damn i told her about my feelings, i actually had the balls to" or do you want to think "yea i never did anything about it like a coward" As previously said, you have nothing to lose. If she likes you back you actually have this memory of a girl loving you, and if she doesn't you at least weren't a coward. Doing nothing is the worst and easiest option here.
#138531 to #138526 - anonymous (06/13/2014) [-]
tell her you love her
and say i gtg
what the fuck do you have to lose?
User avatar #138529 to #138526 - thatnigger (06/13/2014) [-]
If it were me, I'd probably keep it to myself because I don't want or like to cause problems. It really depends on you though, if you feel like at least telling her will take a load of your chest and you're not expecting it to change anything, then go for it.
User avatar #138528 to #138526 - xXThatxOnexGuyXx ONLINE (06/13/2014) [-]
Go for it.

If she likes you back, make the best of the time that she has left before she moves.
Afterwards there's always Facebook, Skype, Oovoo, Snapchat, Instagram, texting, etc.
#138530 to #138528 - anonymous (06/13/2014) [-]
idk
this week is examination week
and instagram/facebook/skype is pleb tier
snapchat score is like 300
User avatar #138513 - ishallsmiteyou (06/13/2014) [-]
I need some advice regarding immigration to the European Union. I live in Ontario and am being trained in construction and automotive, and basically question is: if I'm qualified here in Canada does that mean anything in the EU? Say I work construction for a good 5 years here, what does that amount to over there? Does it increase my chances of getting permanent citizenship in western Europe?
User avatar #138527 to #138513 - thatnigger (06/13/2014) [-]
Might depend if you have a degree or not. If your boss or supervisor gives you like a letter of recommendation or something along them lines as well, might help out. I think it might still count for something, as it's still experience, but you may or may not have to do training over there as well depending on the country.
#138508 - anonymous (06/13/2014) [-]
I'm worried that stupid shit I made for one or two people a year or so ago which had my name next to it because I thought "oh hey, don't want them pretending it's theirs" using it as a sort of copyright thing. it's not super bad but it I just don't want my name next to it. I tried looking for the image but couldn't find it and that worries me more because now I have no idea where it could be. should I worry about it?   
   
it's not just  my name I'm worried about ruining, it's my family name because it's quite unique. I've never come across anyone else with a last name like mine ever.
I'm worried that stupid shit I made for one or two people a year or so ago which had my name next to it because I thought "oh hey, don't want them pretending it's theirs" using it as a sort of copyright thing. it's not super bad but it I just don't want my name next to it. I tried looking for the image but couldn't find it and that worries me more because now I have no idea where it could be. should I worry about it?

it's not just my name I'm worried about ruining, it's my family name because it's quite unique. I've never come across anyone else with a last name like mine ever.
#138610 to #138508 - anonymous (06/14/2014) [-]
can we see it
User avatar #138512 to #138508 - thatnigger (06/13/2014) [-]
You have brought great shame and dishonor to your family name.
You know what must be done.

Seriously though, we all do things that make us cringe so hard now. Is fine.
#138511 to #138508 - xXThatxOnexGuyXx ONLINE (06/13/2014) [-]
It's in the past.

Even if it does have your name on it, if by chance anyone brings it up, simply tell them that you weren't as good as you are now.

Now if it's something obscure and embarrassing like, say, MLP fan art... Then either:
A) Remind them it's in the past, and it in no way reflects you now.
B) Call them out for being a Brony.

Embarrassing stuff like that is a double-edged sword.
Either way, it's all behind you now. It's good you can't find it by searching for it. It'll be rare anyone ever does see it, let alone it becoming popular.
#138514 to #138511 - anonymous (06/13/2014) [-]
there are times I wish I never joined this site   
   
Ok, I made it when I was 16.... I'll blame it on that.
there are times I wish I never joined this site

Ok, I made it when I was 16.... I'll blame it on that.
User avatar #138515 to #138514 - xXThatxOnexGuyXx ONLINE (06/13/2014) [-]
Valid excuse.

Again, it's in the past.
You can't change that.
Just forget about it, and so will everyone else.

Sometimes to look forward to your future you must forget your past.
#138522 to #138515 - anonymous (06/13/2014) [-]
yeah ok. I have a fear of the past coming back to bite me.
#138501 - anonymous (06/13/2014) [-]
I finally got a girlfriend this afternoon but the weird part is that i get a semi-boner everytime we hold hands or whenever we're close together. It goes away after some time but i gotta distract my mind with something else to do so. She hinted that we should kiss but the beta fag i am and since i was wearing shorts i couldnt deal with both kissing and trying to hide a boner simultaneously. Is there any way to stop it from happening? Thanks in advance
#138510 to #138501 - xXThatxOnexGuyXx ONLINE (06/13/2014) [-]
It's natural.   
As others have said, it'll pass with time.   
   
Just try focusing on not letting your soldier stand at attention, or distract yourself completely with random thoughts.
It's natural.
As others have said, it'll pass with time.

Just try focusing on not letting your soldier stand at attention, or distract yourself completely with random thoughts.
User avatar #138507 to #138501 - ScottP (06/13/2014) [-]
That's just initial butterflies. It'll pass. And then after a couple of months you'll feel like you've lost the "fire". That's just because you two are more comfortable with each other.
#138505 to #138501 - anonymous (06/13/2014) [-]
dont hide
be proud
User avatar #138504 to #138501 - thatnigger (06/13/2014) [-]
Das cute.
Pretty sure over time it'll just be normal to hold her hand and all. So right now, just hide it and deal with it I guess, it'll be more natural to you soon enough.
User avatar #138502 to #138501 - makotoitou (06/13/2014) [-]
nigga u gay?
User avatar #138495 - skeptical (06/13/2014) [-]
how do i train for hypertrophy, strength, and endurance without weights? what are some exercises i can do for my core and upper body in particular (not as worried about legs because marching band master race but still want to be able to do this for all general areas of my body)
going for hypertrophy first for a role i have in a play, then going for endurance and then strength, since i've really fallen out of shape over the past year
User avatar #138550 to #138495 - marinepenguin (06/14/2014) [-]
Sprints, pullups, pushups, leg lifts, hanging leg raises, dips, spidermans, tricep dips, tire flips, lunges, calf raises, etc. Get creative with shit. Although barbell training is a much much much easier way to reach your goal.
User avatar #138496 to #138495 - makotoitou (06/13/2014) [-]
>being in a play
www.hahgay.com/
User avatar #138497 to #138496 - skeptical (06/13/2014) [-]
i promised a friend i'd do cast at the local theater house this time instead of pit orchestra
i wound up getting the part of an angsty teen fresh out of military school, but that last part means i have to not look like a skinny bitch
User avatar #138498 to #138497 - makotoitou (06/13/2014) [-]
Just change the plot around so that'd your a faggot, then spend 2 hours on stage sucking dick. I'd watch that.
User avatar #138499 to #138498 - skeptical (06/13/2014) [-]
wel fak yu to
0
#138489 - smashingkills has deleted their comment [-]
#138485 - anonymous (06/13/2014) [-]
Can you tell if someone screenshots your conversations on snapchat not the pics but the actual chats
User avatar #138500 to #138485 - xXThatxOnexGuyXx ONLINE (06/13/2014) [-]
It depends.
There's tons of apps for screenshotting snapchat.
User avatar #138490 to #138485 - teoberry (06/13/2014) [-]
Yeah, it says.
#138481 - genericnewfag (06/13/2014) [-]
oh god the plumber literally just left and on his way out he said enjoy the weekend and i said same   
   
>same   
   
fucking hell
oh god the plumber literally just left and on his way out he said enjoy the weekend and i said same

>same

fucking hell
User avatar #138494 to #138481 - womanexplain (06/13/2014) [-]
What's wrong with that?
#138480 - genericnewfag (06/13/2014) [-]
poo comes out sideways please help
User avatar #138474 - justsomechickyo (06/13/2014) [-]
So yesterday my bf went to jail and I'm super bummed out.....he got out of prison recently and I waited for him for months while he was there, and now this happens. I like him a lot (I had a huge crush on him for a few years before we actually started dating) and want things to work between us, but idk if i can handle waiting again and the stress we are going through......ugh any ideas?
#138484 to #138474 - dehumanizer (06/13/2014) [-]
what's he in for?
User avatar #138478 to #138474 - gandaalf (06/13/2014) [-]
go have a crush on someone that isn't a criminal
User avatar #138538 to #138478 - justsomechickyo (06/14/2014) [-]
I'm one too.....I was in prison 3 years ago and still on probation for it soooo suck it
User avatar #138539 to #138538 - gandaalf (06/14/2014) [-]
k
enjoy
User avatar #138475 to #138474 - thatnigger (06/13/2014) [-]
Tell him to stop whatever he's doing then. If you waited for him before and still stayed with him, he should realize how lucky he is that you didn't just decide to leave him already. If you wait again and tell him to change or you slowly start to change him then it should be fine, if he doesn't listen then you're just wasting time and trying to keep something that's going to start falling apart together.
If however what he's in for isn't actually that major, as you said it was only months, then tell him to just be more careful and it shouldn't be much of a problem I guess.
User avatar #138540 to #138475 - justsomechickyo (06/14/2014) [-]
Thanks that's legit advice!
#138467 - anaphase (06/13/2014) [-]
Right. Advice. Jesus, it's come to this. I'm just so angry and upset, I figure seeking the advice of some randoms can't make it any worse.

Basically, I've been with my girlfriend for a little over a year now (we met on the first orientation day of university), and for the most part it's been great. We get along really well, have similar interests, all that kind of thing. I love her to absolute bits.

Now, I'm not that affectionate, but I sorta need to know I'm loved. A kiss, a hug, some hand holding, snuggling on the couch...I'm perfectly up for all that. In fact, I need it. Not every minute of the day, but just a little makes me feel I'm wanted. She's not like that at all, but for the first year or so she was perfect with it.

She doesn't really cope with stress all that well. She closes up and withdraws. In January, for example, she badly needed a car but didn't have the money, was fighting with her mum, etc. Bad times, and I just happened to be up there for a week over the holidays...she got all distant with me, and then broke up with me. Needed "space". A week later, she came down to see me and ask for me back, which I (perhaps stupidly) agreed to happily.

And the last few months, she's been stressed to no end- her dad leaving her mum (with a 20 acre property to maintain, two young daughters, and half an income), assignment after assignment, and now exams on top of that.
As a result, we haven't done anything intimate in nearly 3 months (a fact that bothers me incredibly, yet she, being pretty closed, doesn't mind so much.) I can deal with that though.

But the last few weeks, she's been pretty damn distant with me. Usually after class I'll get or send a text- "whereabouts are you?" "How are you today?", something of that sort. But she just hasn't been doing that. That has bothered me, but I've figured...well, she's stressed. Fair enough?



User avatar #138946 to #138467 - jeezloxxy ONLINE (06/16/2014) [-]
Hey man. How did it go with your girlfriend, if you don't mind me asking?
User avatar #139103 to #138946 - anaphase (06/17/2014) [-]
I don't mind at all.
Short answer: Not that well.


She ended up texting me in the morning, and when I didn't respond, she called me later that night. We talked for 2 hours about various things, but didn't really touch on the issue. She was pretty distant throughout the conversation (lots of one-word answers, which isn't unusual for her but the the high frequency of them was odd) and when we said goodbye, she was very terse indeed.

I felt a lot better, but was unsure about her motivation for calling me (guilt?). So the next day I just straight out asked if she wanted to be with me. Short answer, no. "I only really know how to be alone."

She's incredibly sorry and guilty, and still wants to be friends with me quite badly. I want to be friends with her too, but I know that theoretically it's healthier for me to stay away for a while. She texted me asking how my exam went today and I'm not really sure if I should respond or not...we sort of agreed to see each other today, but knowing it was unwise to do so, I told her I wasn't going to and just went home.

The funny thing is, once we broke it off and I'd pulled myself together, we got along fine. Better than in a long time in fact. So maybe we're better off as friends; her, because there won't be a responsibility and expectation she can't cope with, and me; because I won't have to constantly worry she'll let me down and be miserable when she does. But I think I'm going to struggle just being her friend when all I want to do is kiss her again...


All I know is, I miss her so much it hurts.

User avatar #139107 to #139103 - jeezloxxy ONLINE (06/17/2014) [-]
That sucks, dude. Sorry to hear that.
On the bright side, she doesn't sound as bitchy as I thought her to be. Maybe she really does feel bad about the relationship falling apart and she really is unable to hold one for a long time. Maybe, relationship thing aside, she might be a decent friend after all.
However I do agree with you that you should keep off for a while. Keeping close contact with an ex the first few months after a breakup can't be good.
I applaud your choice in this situation, man. You did good.
User avatar #139111 to #139107 - anaphase (06/17/2014) [-]
Thanks man...it actually helps a bit to hear the condolences of an utter stranger...

But yeah, she's not a bitch by any stretch of the imagination. As she herself put it, "Close relationships frighten me", which is fair enough I guess. She's always had this negative, disgusted attitude to closeness and sex (didn't stop her during our first year together, but I digress) that always made me suspect she was abused or something as a child.

I never asked, coz I figured she'd tell me if it was the case, and when she was ready. But the other night while having the ol' post relationship retrospective, she mentioned that she thought she'd figured out what half her issue is, but said she'd "really rather not go there" when I asked what it was.

As it is, I feel honoured to have been so close to her for such a long time. I still love her, of course, and the next while is gonna be very hard indeed. I'll be very surprised if I don't ask her if she's possibly changed her mind about this in the hope. But I know she won't get back with me again, not because of any lack of willingness perhaps, but because she doesn't want to hurt me like this again.

I'm really worried about how I'll cope with the fact that I only mean the same to her as everyone else does. That knowledge will be the hardest thing, I think...

Idk. With the help of friends and funnyjunk, I know I'll get through this. Eventually.




Thanks dude.
User avatar #139113 to #139111 - jeezloxxy ONLINE (06/17/2014) [-]
I honestly believe you'll do this. You're not fooling yourself like other people that you need to stay with her or to be close to her and knowledge is half the battle. Besides, you had a pretty solid plan on how to deal with the situation from the beginning, so the advices you got here weren't really all that different. It's encouraging that you understand the need of space and don't have to be reminded of that constantly. Really.
I know it might suck for a while, bro, but quoting a famous saying: "It's going to be ok lil nigga you can do it". If you decide to write in the advice section again, mention me so I'd know to look.
You can do it, bro. All the best.
User avatar #139114 to #139113 - anaphase (06/17/2014) [-]
You're a good man, jeezloxxy. Thank you.
User avatar #138468 to #138467 - anaphase (06/13/2014) [-]
But the icing on the cake was this:
She goes to her friend's property up in the country every so often, and my town is halfway there. So she planning on being up there for a few days for a bit of a break, and then coming back and finishing her assignments. Okay, fairo.

I heard nothing from her the entire time she was up there. When I messaged her (which was twice in the 5 days: once to check she'd made it safely and once to ask when she was coming back), she was pretty short and a bit crabby sounding. I don't want to smother her...

Thing is, usually she sees me on her way back to uni. Coz, you know, you pretty much have to go past my house to get there. This time, I ask "So are you coming back today, still?"
And I get "Nope, coming back tomorrow."

Right. Thanks for telling me. But that night I still ask: "So are you planning on stopping in town on your way through?"
"ill be stopping to take max (her friend) through his assignment. But then ill be going home. I need to finish off a couple of assignments and have them in before the end of the week." When I expressed my displeasure at this, she said "I have things I need to do."

That is incredibly, indescribably hurtful. She's too busy to see me, yet has the time to be swanning around at her friend's for 5 days, and see someone else for half a day 5 minutes down the road from me? And she doesn't have even 5 minutes to spare for me? It's not even her assignment for fuck's sake!

So I just said: "Right, well if you find you have time to see me, I'll just be at home."
No response.

That was 3 days ago and I haven't heard from her at all. I'm not all that pleased to be honest.
User avatar #138469 to #138468 - anaphase (06/13/2014) [-]
So my question is: What do I do now?

Am I overreacting? Should I even be upset about this?

My plan is pretty much to wait another two days, and if I get nothing from her, go up to her and ask straight out if she wants to be in a relationship anymore.

I'm not going to contact her until then, because...well, she didn't contact me for days. And she could have easily seen me, but didn't give enough of a shit to. And hasn't talked to me since.

I don't understand. We parted just fine; kiss on the cheek, "have fun", all that. So is this it, FJ? Am I going to go up there and brace myself for a long few months of misery?



Jesus.
User avatar #138482 to #138469 - genericnewfag (06/13/2014) [-]
Agreed that this is a good plan. Definitely not overreacting, I would be upset if I was in your shoes.
User avatar #138479 to #138469 - oborawatabinost (06/13/2014) [-]
I think that's a good plan. But if she says she doesn't want a relationship, don't get desperate/clingy and start begging her to be with you or whatever. I've made that mistake before, and it doesn't go away easily.

If I were in your shoes, I'd assume she's just gotten bored with me, and I'd break it off.
#138472 to #138469 - minutes ONLINE (06/13/2014) [-]
Sounds like a solid plan to me. I don't think you're overreacting, intimate things are an important part of a relationship and if she doesn't even want to see you and doesn't text you at all you have all right to be pissed. I knew couples who had this problem (only that it was the guy who was distant) and it eventually ended in them breaking up because of that. Talking it out is probably the best thing you can do.
User avatar #138470 to #138469 - thatnigger (06/13/2014) [-]
If you're capable of helping her with assignments or if her family needs money because of what happened and you're capable of getting a job to help her out or something, and use that to spend time with her or do something for her and she thinks it's a good idea and it relieves her of stress and such, then I'd do that.
However, first of all she probably doesn't take your relationship seriously, especially since she was able to break up with you before and she doesn't talk to you or stop by and see you when she could do so easily. She also might not really see that your relationship has a future and if that's the case, unless you do something to make her change, you'll eventually just break apart anyway. I would suggest waiting till her assignments are over so she's not even more stressed, and if it's summer and she still isn't being nice to you and acting how she is, I think it might sadly be over.
If you think she's trustworthy and will make more of an effort if she's not stressed and all, then maybe you have a chance, but if not, you might just have to end it. If she comes back for you again, you'll have to muster up the strength to say no this time if it all goes wrong, because you'll only end up in the same position again and it'll just hurt you more.
User avatar #138471 to #138470 - anaphase (06/13/2014) [-]
Yeah, I think you're right....as for helping, she doesn't accept help. Won't do it. I have a job, and I've offered to give her some money, but she won't have a bar of it.

But I think you've hit the nail on the head about her not taking the relationship seriously...thanks for replying
User avatar #138473 to #138471 - thatnigger (06/13/2014) [-]
If you do have a conversation about your relationship and she does say she still wants you, make her agree to conditions like letting you help her so she's not as stressed and that she's got to be a bit more serious and caring. If things go in that direction and you take charge, then I think you might get something good on your hands.
It is looking in the other direction to be perfectly honest, but I'm trying to at least tell you that if there's even the slightest chance that she does want to be with you and she doesn't just decline or accept because you put her on the spot, then you might get something good out of it.
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