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Latest users (6): CookieKing, fistfireace, ipostcp, ronyx, thatnigger, theotherwhiteguy, anonymous(13).
What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#146793 - theotherwhiteguy ONLINE (30 minutes ago) [-]
My mom isn't a terrible alcoholic but everyday she pounds down 2-3 tall glasses of box wine which is just enough to fuck up her judgement and make everything me and my little sister do piss her off for no reason. I could understand her drinking if it made her happy and forget her problems but it doesn't, it just makes her mad. It makes me want to move out sooner than I should and my sister has thought about moving back in with my dad which is a terrible choice. Not only this but our family can't afford all the alcohol she buys. How can i get her to stop drinking?
#146794 to #146793 - ipostcp (22 minutes ago) [-]
Coming from somebody who grew up with an alcoholic dad... you're honestly better off not even saying anything. Just get away from her as much as you can. Saying anything about their drinking will upset them and could spiral into something worse like violence or verbal abuse. This goes for your sister too. Hang out at friends more, get distracted with school and work possibly. Just don't get tangled in with them.

Remember that your school is ALWAYS on your side in this. If you feel like you are in danger at all, tell a teacher or something. Even if it's embarrassing.
#146792 - anonymous (52 minutes ago) [-]
**anonymous rolled image**
**anonymous rolled image**
#146779 - confusedasian (1 hour ago) [-]
How difficult is playing a song thats in drop c tuning on a guitar that's on standard tuning?
#146773 - anonymous (2 hours ago) [-]
i live life virtually alone every day. i spend time with people that i don't really interact with. 99% of the people i know don't think about things, they just float through life whether it's going to college or working a shitty job. i'm tired of being alone; without anyone to talk to about life or the universe or anything beyond the cutout of how "life should be lived". it gets heart numbing to see everyone else happily spending time with someone else and i get to sit here alone with my thoughts.

my love life consists of dreaming about a girl who's worth talking to and then waking up. call me a bitch but i'm so fucking depressed because i don't think i'll ever know what love feels like.
#146778 to #146773 - skydiving ONLINE (1 hour ago) [-]
Do you have any social places you could go to where you could meet people?
#146780 to #146778 - anonymous (1 hour ago) [-]
yeah, and i do all the time. that's why i'm so upset i've never met even one girl that was... 'real'. like thought for herself, had similar interests, etc. i feel like my ideal woman may not exist.
#146787 to #146780 - skydiving ONLINE (1 hour ago) [-]
I assure you these women exist, but what ages of women are you talking about? Teenage girls and young women (teenage and young anyone for that matter) are insecure, and unsure of themselves, and haven't really figured out who they are and what they want. People at this age wall themselves up in emotional blocks and social codes. Let's face it; True, vulnerable, human interaction is terrifying. It's freaky and risky, but unbelievably satisfying. It takes time, and effort, and honesty, and bravery to really, really get to know someone.

I can offer more advice if you want about that, or you could PM me and we could chat about life. I'm open to either.
User avatar #146775 to #146773 - hoponthefeelstrain (1 hour ago) [-]
I'll talk to you if you want.
#146776 to #146775 - anonymous (1 hour ago) [-]
thanks. i guess i'll actually make an account for once.
User avatar #146781 to #146776 - hoponthefeelstrain (1 hour ago) [-]
we can talk about life all you want. I usually think about life a lot too.
#146783 to #146781 - fjiskindacool (1 hour ago) [-]
i made one it's so weird being logged in.
User avatar #146770 - thatuglynat ONLINE (2 hours ago) [-]
should i play dark souls or play with my moon shoes?
User avatar #146788 to #146770 - xXThatxOnexGuyXx (1 hour ago) [-]
User avatar #146789 to #146788 - thatuglynat ONLINE (1 hour ago) [-]
#146790 to #146789 - skydiving ONLINE (1 hour ago) [-]
User avatar #146771 to #146770 - makotoitou ONLINE (2 hours ago) [-]
#146761 - Penn (4 hours ago) [-]
Here's a story for you guys
Not sure if it belongs on this thread, but I'll take your advice, I guess.

>be me, 22, male, seen some shit in my day
>kinda fell victim to the party
>don't drink all the time but when i do i go hard
>go out at least twice a week
>meet random girls, bring them home, fuck them, fuck them over
>although i hold a job, did great in school, currently in college
>good in social situations, people tend to like me, im a charmer
enough bragging. anyway:
>live in apartment with big black dude
>we don't hang out much, but we're really cool with each other
>different lifestyles, perfect roommates
>not home often but when home just like to be alone and watch tv/internet
>one day he comes out to living room
>tells me about a girl he's been seeing off and on for past couple years
>says they really want their relationship to work but she lives across state
>asks if we could all meet and if we get along maybe she can move in
>i don't care, just don't want to be bugged or entertain new roommate
>we meet
>she's pretty cool, can tell that she's into the party scene
>says she'll move in on roomates birthday in couple weeks
>cool, don't really care, bills are cheaper
#146763 to #146761 - Penn (4 hours ago) [-]
>couple weeks go by
>roommates birthday
>she starts moving in
>they go out for roommates birthday with roommates work buddies
>tell them i'll meet up with them later
>go out with my buddies
>call roommate
>says they went out to bars/don't know where nights heading
>we're too far away from each other
>tell him sorry I can't meet up, happy birthday, have fun
>no big deal
>me and buddy go back to apartment, pick up beer
>already hammered, start getting rekt
>roommate comes home with girlfriend
>roommate absolutely fucking wasted
>girlfriend pretty messed up too, but not as bad
>roommate goes to bed
>girlfriend comes out to drink with us
>giving me googly eyes all night
>fuck no, don't do this
>drink/get fucked up until early morning
>sun starts coming up
>tell friends to leave, i need sleep
>she stays because she lives there now
>tell her i'm going to bed
#146764 to #146763 - Penn (4 hours ago) [-]
>she says no stay up with me let's keep going
>no way no way no way no way no way
>she pushes me on couch and starts taking my pants off
>jesus christ i'm going to the bottom pits of hell
>fucking VIP bus straight to satan
>she starts sucking my dick
>oh god oh god oh god oh god
>what the fuck am i doing
>tell her to stop, can't do this, it's wrong
>"at least let me finish you off"
>son of a bitch
>go in my bedroom
>she follows
>stop stop stop stop stop stop
>close door and lock it
>i fucking let her finish me off
>all of a sudden there's a fucking knock on my door
>it's my fucking roommate
>we don't make a noise
>he walks away, goes back in his room
>she leaves my room, goes into his
>he asks where she's been
>tells him that she's been outside/in guest bathroom all night throwing up
>I'm fucking laying in my bed wide awake not knowing what the fuck just happened
>sleep all fucking day
#146765 to #146764 - Penn (4 hours ago) [-]
>wake up, freaking out
>roommate runs to store
>she comes out, says she won't say anything and that we should keep this going
>what the fuck
>try to explain we shouldn't but nothing conclusive happened
>i potentially just destroyed my current situation from my roommates new girlfriend sucking my dick on his birthday while he was in the other room sleeping
>what the fuck have i done
>i may be a dead man soon
User avatar #146769 to #146765 - lecorbi (2 hours ago) [-]
this is pretty much the opposite of ''you should have given her the d' situation

Never let anyone know. If she did that to you in that way, she will repeat wiht other guys, he will discover with your help and they will be separated soon, and your life will come back to normal.
How could you do this to your fucken roommate, man
User avatar #146767 to #146765 - marinepenguin ONLINE (3 hours ago) [-]
You could try to tell your roommate about it. You were drunk and she was VERY persistent. You told her multiple times you couldn't go through with it. I think it'd be a bit tough at first obviously but in the end he may end up being able to trust you more because you told him.
User avatar #146757 - serpens (4 hours ago) [-]
Hey going on a 2 day drive; will have laptop and power source but not wifi, any tips on movies, roms, music, etc to download so that I have something to do?
User avatar #146759 to #146757 - sushininja (4 hours ago) [-]
This is The End, 21 Jump Street, How to Train Your Dragon, Hot Fuzz, are some good movies.
Songs I suggest going through youtube and adding songs to a playlist, then using youtube downloader, you should download the songs.
You could also download some anime if youre cool with that
#146742 - swiggityswooty (6 hours ago) [-]
hey, im trying to stop smoking weed, so tips for that
im also bored so can you guys show me some fun stuff while im high
User avatar #146758 to #146742 - alecbaldwinning ONLINE (4 hours ago) [-]
Limit yourself to weekends only. Then limit yourself to saturday's only. Then saturday evenings. Then every other saturday evening. So on and so forth.
User avatar #146755 to #146742 - awesomerninjathing (5 hours ago) [-]
you could just not buy it, retard
User avatar #146754 to #146742 - acidjunk (5 hours ago) [-]
I like this guy
User avatar #146752 to #146742 - tortus (5 hours ago) [-]
try an e-cigarette they have no negative effects on your lungs. over time it costs less than weed and you can get it in many many different flavors. you can get them with or without nicotine. it helps you quit because it gives you something to do besides smoke weed. you just smoking water vapor
#146746 to #146744 - swiggityswooty (5 hours ago) [-]
cause im fifteen, and im trying to get laid but i feel like weed is keeping me from that, and im a fucking athelete so my lungs cant keep getting blazed
User avatar #146751 to #146746 - nippuhl (5 hours ago) [-]
Everything about this comment is funny.
#146753 to #146751 - swiggityswooty (5 hours ago) [-]
holy shit that sounds bad, im trying to be a better athelete, and weed burns my lungs, so no bueno
User avatar #146749 to #146746 - inspiteofsprite (5 hours ago) [-]
I suggest you vape weed. It's still as potent, pretty much eliminates the risk of cancer (not that anyone's got cancer from weed in the first place), and has no adverse effects towards your lungs.
User avatar #146725 - roflstorm (9 hours ago) [-]
What're good signs of Testicular torsion?
User avatar #146730 to #146725 - ferrettamer (8 hours ago) [-]
I doubt any signs of testicular torsion would be good signs
User avatar #146777 to #146730 - Sunset ONLINE (1 hour ago) [-]
User avatar #146766 to #146756 - ferrettamer (4 hours ago) [-]
Why did I have you on hide all
User avatar #146791 to #146766 - teoberry (54 minutes ago) [-]
The answer is because all of his comments are shit
User avatar #146768 to #146766 - awesomerninjathing (2 hours ago) [-]
i dont know james
User avatar #146723 - howtosuckdicks (9 hours ago) [-]
Hey everyone. Do any of you guys ever go from thinking that you're a brilliant person to thinking that you're a dumbass that seems to be faking it?
I'm not quite sure what to do with this weird megalomania spree followed by self depreciation, with a rinse and repeat cycle every time that pattern finishes itself.
#146726 to #146723 - fistfireace (8 hours ago) [-]
Sadly, yes. Whenever I was in school and failed English and Reading tests, it made me feel worse (those were my best subjects). Not only that, but whenever I see smart answers on here that are correct, I sometimes feel that way again once more because usually the answer to a question was simple.

I always thought I was smart, but recently (about a year or so) I don't think I am anymore. I don't know how to actually overcome the feeling, but I try not to think about it. The only thing I can really say is: if you're feeling that way too, at least you're not alone. You can try ignoring it, like me, talk to someone about it, or maybe try to prove that you are actually smart.
User avatar #146747 to #146726 - inspiteofsprite (5 hours ago) [-]
Academics can't and doesn't gauge intelligence. Though it can prove how functional your short-term memory is, and how long for attention span is
User avatar #146748 to #146747 - fistfireace (5 hours ago) [-]
I suppose you're right. It still made me feel bad though.
#146709 - frankieonpc ONLINE (10 hours ago) [-]
I have goals in life that arent possible for myself.
Ive worked so hard and done everything I possibly can to reach this goal but I cant.

I cant be happy.
Im seriously thinking about killing myself.
User avatar #146782 to #146709 - xXThatxOnexGuyXx (1 hour ago) [-]
Suicide is never worth it.
Maybe you're meant for something else.

I was there at one point. I hated life. I hated my friends. I hated my town. I hated the world.
Then when I was finally pushed to the limit, when I finally laid out a knife before me and held it at my stomach ready to stab myself -- I just felt like I shouldn't do it. Something came over me.
Clearly, I didn't fully attempt to kill myself. I stopped there, laid the knife down, and never looked back.

Since then I just waited it out. I decided I'd ride out the roller coaster that was life. That I just wouldn't care what happened, I'd go through the motions no matter what.
I would deal with it. I would deal with all of the crap and push on through.
And let me tell you, that waiting is worth it.

Ride it out. Roll with the punches.
If you don't believe that you will be able to reach your goals, then maybe it's just a way of life showing you which direction you should be going.
When I didn't have a job, and literally did nothing all day but sitting on the computer on FunnyJunk, I decided I'd make the best of my time. I decided that I would help give people advice. That was, and is, the greatest thing I can do. Is to help others. Even if some things like giving advice may seem insignificant, in reality it changes their future forever. You simply existing changes the future. It not only changes your future, but ultimately it will change countless of other people's lives.

> "When life gives you lemons, you can either cut them in half and squeeze them into your eyes asking "Why?!," or you can make Lemonade.
When handed something so sour and bitter, you don't have to do something sour and bitter; You can make it sweet and satisfying. It's all on your perception, you can do what you will with it, but it is best to think outside the box.
Besides, who ever thought to collect lemon juice and mix it with sugar and water in the first place?

If you ever want to talk, please feel free to message me.
User avatar #146786 to #146782 - xXThatxOnexGuyXx (1 hour ago) [-]
Just because it may seem like you're not doing anything great or grand in your life, keep in mind that even the smallest of things can and will become something so much greater.
User avatar #146743 to #146709 - dragondust (6 hours ago) [-]
Right now, do something that makes you happy, whatever it is. Video games, reading, walks, TV, just do it now. When you sleep it off and wake up tomorrow morning you could have a completely different attitude. Get a haircut, buy new clothes, do something that will suit you and the way you want to see yourself.

In a couple years, you may have completely new goals, or maybe the hard work will pay off somehow. Do whatever makes you content and happy.
Even when you think that no more good can come in your life, it will. I know from personal experience. I've been in your exact position once and almost ruined my life because of it. Don't make the same mistake I did.
#146724 to #146709 - minutes (9 hours ago) [-]
Time man. Everyone needs someone to love and trust me I know how frustrating it gets when you really try your hardest and still can't seem to find what you want.

Just think of it like this, with every time you get rejected, you get closer to the girl that will love you. I haven't found that one yet as well, but I won't stop trying.

"Winners have scars, losers have funerals"
User avatar #146712 to #146709 - alexanderburns ONLINE (9 hours ago) [-]
Float about life until you figure out new goals. S'what I'm doing.
#146710 to #146709 - frankieonpc ONLINE (9 hours ago) [-]
Can anyone help me
User avatar #146714 to #146710 - mendelevium (9 hours ago) [-]
Do a flip faggot.

No seriously, every goal is achievable if you work at it. EVERY GOAL. You just dont put enough effort into it.
#146717 to #146714 - frankieonpc ONLINE (9 hours ago) [-]
I know I can achieve just about anything with my work ethic.
I swear to god I have done everything possible.
I've changed my entire life in less than a year.

But I cant change the only thing that I want in life.
User avatar #146718 to #146717 - mendelevium (9 hours ago) [-]
Obviously your work ethic needs change then.
No one "work ethic" will ever get you there.
If you want success you have to mold your body, life, friends, what you see, what you do.
You have to make everything your goal.

And if your thinking about killing yourself you obviously dont have the will power for any of that shit.
#146719 to #146718 - frankieonpc ONLINE (9 hours ago) [-]
Except I already did all that.
I went from the Euphoric MLP fan who cringed at the word swag.

to a well toned, social, attractive, and fun and friendly guy.

And now that I have changed my whole life and I'm still miserable I want to die.
User avatar #146720 to #146719 - mendelevium (9 hours ago) [-]
Well what is your goal?
#146721 to #146720 - frankieonpc ONLINE (9 hours ago) [-]
It's a little bit of a cringeworthy goal
but im already as low as it gets.

Anyways, I just want a girl to love me as much as I love her, and so far I've only found heartbreak in that.
User avatar #146727 to #146721 - fistfireace (8 hours ago) [-]
If you felt like you did everything you needed to do, that's great. But remember: finding that perfect girl who loves you just much as you love her takes a long time. I'm not going to lie about it. You just have to be patient, and keep up with what you're doing (being friendly, social, etc.).

Unfortunately, most girls nowadays just want guys for their looks - I recommend not going after these types of girls no matter how pretty them seem to be. It'll only hurt you in the end. Same with the money part. Being funny is reasonable to want someone, so if you're funny, that will help find a girl. If you aren't, no big deal. You still have other factors that girls can like (being nice, for example).

Again, be patient. The girl that you're waiting for is out there somewhere. You're not going to find her if you kill yourself, however. P.S. That really isn't a cringe worthy goal. Most, if not all, people would like to have a relationship like that (where both parties love each other very much).
User avatar #146728 to #146727 - fistfireace (8 hours ago) [-]
They seem to be*
User avatar #146722 to #146721 - mendelevium (9 hours ago) [-]
Sucks, guess you should just kill yourself.
Or stop being a faggot and work harder.
Girls dont want a normal guy, they want an above average guy.
They want a ripped guy
or a guy that plays guitar like a fucking rockstar
or has money
or is funny as fuck.

You, your just normal now, now you can start on your next task.

And this one takes years.
#146750 to #146722 - lgninjaleetful (5 hours ago) [-]
i dont know man, girls seem to have pretty low standards these days.
#146708 - mathijsg (10 hours ago) [-]
Since the hobby board is shit i've come here to ask what i should get as a new hobby (i already did football, karate, tennis, gymnastics).

Problem two : So at a new school i have friends which i don't really like, they're total shits with a couple of exceptions. And i've met new guys who think i'm cool and i think they're cool. I don't know how to say to the friends that i have now which i'm going to leave because they're fucking annoying but never did anything seriously bad. So i'd feel bad just saying bye and leaving.
User avatar #146772 to #146708 - lecorbi (2 hours ago) [-]
well, athletics (track and field) is the thing I advise you to do.

I started running 100m and 400m dash two years ago, and it made everything in my life better, as it requires building discipline, it's a proof to yourself that you can make huge efforts, relieves stress, gives you sexy ass and legs, etc. You can try the endless possibilities in track and field that suits better for you: you can run 10km, throw javelin, disc, jumps etc.

for problem two, that's not even a problem. You just start hanging out with the people you prefer, and the others will start to disappear. At first, they will get more and more distant slowly, and then, suddenly they're gone for you and you for them
User avatar #146711 to #146708 - alexanderburns ONLINE (9 hours ago) [-]

Fade away without saying anything to them
User avatar #146706 - deminemi (10 hours ago) [-]
Are there any tests that test a broad-range of psychological?
User avatar #146784 to #146706 - xXThatxOnexGuyXx (1 hour ago) [-]
You'd probably want to see a psychologist?
Even if it's just having a casual conversation, and inquiring about the tests.
User avatar #146704 - pandemicwave (11 hours ago) [-]
I need some help, so there's this girl I've liked for a while now, and I think she likes me back, but I really have no clue if she really does like me. I would just ask her out but one of my closest friends asked her out a while ago and he got shot down hard, so they hate each other and I would rather not stir up any shit unless I was certain that she liked me back or that my friend wouldn't hate me for it, and to top it all off shes the damn sister of one of my friends as well (how we met) so if it all goes to shit it would probably kill two friendships along with whatever me and her had, I don't know if I should make a move or not, anyone care enough to help?
User avatar #146705 to #146704 - thatnigger ONLINE (11 hours ago) [-]
I believe its about build up and communication. Talk to her slightly more if you're not talking a lot already. Then ask her to join you for like a movie or something and see if any signs get dropped. If she tries to invite other people or asks if its just the two of you and seems a bit off about it, then you should move on and talk to her less to get over it. If she seems alright with it, either drop hints or work towards telling her your feelings. If you don't tell her your feelings but still do things like that, she might think you're doing it because your friends, and not because you like her, so its about communication.
#146700 - anonymous (11 hours ago) [-]
Help I banged my bestfriends sister
User avatar #146738 to #146700 - gandaalf (7 hours ago) [-]
give me her number
i'll sort it out
User avatar #146703 to #146700 - thatnigger ONLINE (11 hours ago) [-]
I-I don't know what you're expecting us to do though. :/
User avatar #146697 - vortix ONLINE (12 hours ago) [-]
"the driver being installed is no validated for this computer.please obtain the appropriate driver from the computer manufacturer setup will exit"

when i go to the auto scan provided by Intel, it says that my driver is out of date. but when i try install the update that it scan provide to me, after it finishes the install i get the message above. i have a 3rd generation HD intel 300 graphics card and i made sure that i downloaded the right one . the one for windows 8- 64bit and still gives me the error. so i tried to do it manually but when i do that it says that my driver is up to date. even tho it shows that the version that i have is not the latest version. what do i do?? my computer is dell inspiron 3521 with 64 bit ,windows 8 pro .

im here asking your help funnyjunk because i acually contacted intel support and they didnt replay and i posted about it twice in the help forums and no one is replying.

what do ? please ! help!
#146737 to #146697 - shadowofchernobyl (7 hours ago) [-]
The first problem is that there is ho such thing as Intel HD 300. This laptop comes either with Intel HD 4000 integrated graphics (if your CPU is Core i7 / i5 / i3 series), or with the shittier version, which is built in to Celeron series CPU. This laptop also has versions with dedicated AMD GPU.
So, the first thing to do for you is to use Device Manager to figure out you CPU and graphics, and whether second AMD GPU is installed in your configuration.
You can then use an official drivers database from DELL to get the latest drivers.

Also, update to win 8.1, it's free and the system gets better.
User avatar #146785 to #146737 - vortix ONLINE (1 hour ago) [-]
yeah your right, my bad its 3rd generation 4000. but still this is just a spelling error, i know that i have the 4000 HD . so i still need help .
User avatar #146693 - lordmandy (12 hours ago) [-]
Any tips for having sex for the first time? Wtf is the hymen thing and should we do foreplay or go straight to vaginal?

Thanks beforehand
User avatar #146715 to #146693 - mendelevium (9 hours ago) [-]
If its a girl you really like, I dont care how fucked up that pussy is, how hairy it is, you better eat that shit like its candy, or that will be your last time.
User avatar #146733 to #146715 - lordmandy (7 hours ago) [-]
+1 great advice
User avatar #146707 to #146693 - deminemi (10 hours ago) [-]
Peru for the win.
User avatar #146762 to #146707 - peru (4 hours ago) [-]
i have this account too lol
User avatar #146701 to #146693 - nigalthornberry (11 hours ago) [-]
Get out the easy one before
Not too much foreplay
Don't worry about the hymen he's out busting myths
User avatar #146734 to #146701 - lordmandy (7 hours ago) [-]
Pls elaborate...
#146740 to #146734 - anonymous (6 hours ago) [-]
if you think you may ejaculate early, have a wank before, a few hours before, not like right before. you'll last longer but not too long.

The Hymen is a thin film of membrane that partially covers the inside of the vag. It is seen as a sign of virginity in many cultures, but it is often broken before actual vaginal sex. Sports, bike riding, masturbation are often causes of this. It rarely causes pain to the girl when it breaks but often releases some blood which is normal and harmless.

Foreplay is always good, it will allow her vagina to lubricate making penetration way more comfortable for her. And of course it gives her pleasure. For your first time i would recommend making it all about her. if she wants to play with you and suck you then let her but for the main part focus on her.

Just try to make her comfortable, compliment her, regardless of what state her vag is in (it prob wont be like your pornos) Girls are often self conscious about the taste and smell of their pussy.
User avatar #146760 to #146740 - lordmandy (4 hours ago) [-]
I don't think I will do the whole early ejaculation thing, but thanks a lot for all the information. based anon
#146732 to #146701 - anonymous (7 hours ago) [-]
the first one: do you mean have a wank beforehand?
User avatar #146699 to #146693 - teoberry (11 hours ago) [-]
foreplay first if ya both virgins
User avatar #146698 to #146693 - awesomerninjathing (11 hours ago) [-]
when in doubt
pull it out
User avatar #146702 to #146698 - teoberry (11 hours ago) [-]
This is almost as good of advice as the grief fucking you gave me like two days ago
#146689 - ohhitheree (12 hours ago) [-]
Anyone mind looking over my scholarship essay? I asked before but one person never replied and the other pretty much said "Ok I read it, but I don't know what to look for. Good luck."
User avatar #146692 to #146689 - xXThatxOnexGuyXx (12 hours ago) [-]
This is an essay that you are sending out to apply for scholarships?
#146694 to #146692 - ohhitheree (12 hours ago) [-]
Yes, it goes into this school's scholarship system and sends it to any I can apply to.
#146696 to #146694 - xXThatxOnexGuyXx (12 hours ago) [-]
Let's start from the beginning, shall we?
> "If I have to do an autobiography I suppose I should start at the beginning. I was born in Japan on November 25th, 1994. It was on a military base, which is considered American soil so I am still an American citizen. "

Already, this is wrong on so many levels.
It was extremely hard reading this. Not only due to lack of grammar and punctuation, but because of how horrible written this was. No offense, but this won't get you anywhere. At all.
There's no flow from one point to the other, no structure, and most of all it doesn't seem like you really tried.

While you can keep the title, maybe... The rest you can just trash.
.ODT isn't a good file format. It's not professional on any level.
You're also trying to mimic MLA, when it's clearly not MLA.

Re-write the entire thing. Start with the beginning. It must sound professional. As my friend once said: "So I have to make this sound like I'm white, huh?"
If you spend any less than eight hours working on this, then you clearly aren't trying.
Re-write it. Write it in MLA formatting. Use a proper document type, such as .PDF or .DOC
Put some effort into it. Show your strengths, and only your strengths. Don't undersell yourself at any point. Tell them what you love to do, what you have a passion for. Tell them you want to pursue in college, and why.

I hate to break it to you, but there's no saving your current document. It's all garbage. You either start new and put in copious amounts of time and effort, or you forget about it all together. No one would accept what you currently have. It's clear and obvious you didn't try.
User avatar #146687 - hotrodman (12 hours ago) [-]
Any EMTs here? (I asked this last night, but it was late and it seems more active now) - If there are just reply to this please, I have some questions.
User avatar #146684 - istartedthewar ONLINE (12 hours ago) [-]
So I'm 16 and work out every day, I'm in great shape.

However, I have a resting heart rate of 88-92 BPM

I'm assuming that isn't good according to this.
User avatar #146716 to #146684 - mendelevium (9 hours ago) [-]
If you think you have a problem, see a doctor.
If you think your fine, then you are fine.
Do you eat a alot of eggs, shrimp, ect?
#146691 to #146684 - ohhitheree (12 hours ago) [-]
I wouldn't put too much trust into that. Apparently my resting heart rate is around 60 and I run like a ten minute mile.
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