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User avatar #201 - ButtonFly ONLINE (08/14/2011) [-]
At least her mom tries to convince her that she's not a vampire. My mom spends the better part of her time teasing me, telling me that I am a vampire simply because I have a few physical characteristics that might be associated with the creatures. FML
#174 - moshpit (08/14/2011) [-]
Today the apartment building complex near my house set on fire from a deck fire. As me and my friend paced away, he started singing "Burn This City," (this fire is outta control, its gonna burn this city, burn this city...). Everyone saw. fml.
#31 - smashcal (08/13/2011) [-]
That BE MY BABIES DADDY one is one of my utmost favourite fmls. Amazing, I so hope it's true.
Pic related.
#207 - hockeynuh (08/14/2011) [+] (1 reply)
Im surprised nobody has ended their long fml story with "open the door. Get on the floor. Everybody walk the dinosaur" yet
#206 - fadetometallica (08/14/2011) [-]
Best friend steals about $400 worth of **** from me, lies to me, and uses me.
I say I hope he dies to my other friend.
Nobody has seen him in five days, not even his family.
I feel terrible.
User avatar #204 - daviddellarocco (08/14/2011) [-]
one day after work my sister brought her friends over to go swimming and one of her friends was pretty tappable so i went to the bathroom to fap to her and right when i was about to jizz she came walking right into the bathroom and screamed and i never talked to her again.FML, i think she was looking for q-tips or something
User avatar #193 - unicornpower (08/14/2011) [-]
my fml is in a post http://funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/2457934/You+should+read+the+whole+thing/
bas ically i tried to take me boyfriend's and lose my virginity. and he couldnt get hard
what i didnt post is that a few days later we tried again and tried and tried and tried and he still couldnt. then later after we had given up i looked at the rapper for the condom we tried to use and realized that it was trojan "extended pleasure" what that ******* idiot didnt understand is that this kind of condom has a numbing lube that makes the genital area less sensative and makes the intimate two last longer. that ******** should have read the ******* wrapper. FML
User avatar #187 - ZombieFox (08/14/2011) [+] (2 replies)
When I was in 4th grade one day I was'nt feeling well and I decided I was going to ask to use the restroom the teacher had asked a question right before I raised my hand and so she told me I could go after I answered the question, but as I was about to say the answer I threw up all over my desk and on the floor :( never forgot that. and another time I was'nt feeling well and so I was drinking cranberry juice. My mom made me go to school anyways. As soon as I started walking up the hallway i threw up purple gunk every five minutes and could'nt walk. It continued through most of 1st period with me constantly excusing myself from the classroom until I finally went to the school nurse. Mom took 2 hours to pick me up. FML :(
User avatar #186 - TheNarutoUzumaki (08/14/2011) [-]
I was getting something out the back pocket on my pants and I was having a hard time with getting my hand in my pocket. My aunt's friend turned and looked at me for a moment and froze, and turned back around, Probably thinking I was digging in my butt. FML
#185 - sleepingsmudge (08/14/2011) [-]
4 was the best
User avatar #184 - turnerdude (08/14/2011) [-]
i had sex for the first time a few months ago. we started with a blowjob and i came a lot in her mouth... after about 1 minute... and i couldnt get hard again to go further FML
#183 - tommygunntyler (08/14/2011) [-]
**tommygunntyler rolls 8,857**
User avatar #168 - WhoTheFuckDoesThis (08/14/2011) [+] (1 reply)
I made a Playstation account once and named myself Twilight-Kahn, A week later, my friend tells me about the Twilight series. FML!
User avatar #167 - sgtpeppersband (08/14/2011) [-]
One time, when I was a kid, I had fallen asleep in the living room, which was right next to my parent's room. I woke up to the sounds of moaning and screaming, and after I was awake enough to be coherent, I realized that it was my parents having sex. FML.
User avatar #159 - inhovawetrust (08/14/2011) [-]
When I was about 6, I was running around my basement in circles. My mom told me to stop running, and I turned to her and yelled no. I turned forward and hit my head off of the refrigerator in front of me. I got 17 stitches, and I laughed the entire way to the hospital. 11 years later, I still have a dent in my head.
#151 - hardhitter (08/14/2011) [-]
well this is an fml and a "am i the only one". but once in high school i was **** n pissing and when i was done, upon standing i took a **** , but i was like lol kinda funny until i remember that whenever you poop... thou must pee. so i pissed all over my pants and boxers. i managed to dry it later, during which i got odd looks, but i still smelled like piss.
User avatar #114 - ghostoftrolling (08/14/2011) [-]
fml moment meet a chick online shes got hot pics of her self,we meet up turns out shes a 200 pount fat chick fml
#41 - DarkFisted (08/13/2011) [-]
One day in class we found a tiny spider and I let it crawl on my hand.
it was about to bite me so I and screamed "HOLY **** !" and threw it.
Everyone heard. And my teacher was right behind me. FML
User avatar #38 - Rule (08/13/2011) [-]
One night i got drunk and my friend drove me to his place so i could crash on his couch. well when i woke up the next morning it turns out i **** myself in the middle of the night. not just like a turd but the sloppy **** you get after you drink a lot. i got up to clean my self off and it slipped out on his floor and left a stain. i ended up taking a quick shower and stealing one of his towels and pairs of shorts. i dumped my old under wear and shorts in the dumpster. too this day he still thinks the stain is throw up. FML
User avatar #19 - guyfromclarksville (08/13/2011) [-]
And that bitch will still be able to sue him for child support.
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