I was about to make a sexy time with my gf in the shower when she detached the shower head (it's the one on the little hose) and started spraying my PENIS...when I asked her what she was doing, she said "I'm watering it so it will grow!" FML

And then nine months later after the girl wrapped her legs around the man to make sure she got pregnant, the man finally finds the girl, so he goes to her house, she opens the doors, he gets on the floor and says "Why did you do this to me?! I'm not financially ready for a baby!" She then looks at the guy and says, "Oh, it's you. Yeah I've been meaning to tell you that I was on the pill and I just wanted to fuck with you. Guess it worked." She then kicks you out and you cry on her doorstep.

Now that would be a FML.

I went funnyjunk and didn't laugh. FML.

walking to the bathroom in lowes. trying not to shit my pants i keep walking faster and faster. walking farts develope in mid store. make it to the bathroom pull down my pants and find a brown trail all the way down my leg and on my shoe. i apperently shit in lowes and it fell out of my pants in the isle. i smell like shit for the rest of the day. FML (i feel sorry for the guy sweeping that night)

Today the apartment building complex near my house set on fire from a deck fire. As me and my friend paced away, he started singing "Burn This City," (this fire is outta control, its gonna burn this city, burn this city...). Everyone saw. fml.

**megustamooseta rolls 15**

I made a Playstation account once and named myself Twilight-Kahn, A week later, my friend tells me about the Twilight series. FML!

One time, when I was a kid, I had fallen asleep in the living room, which was right next to my parent's room. I woke up to the sounds of moaning and screaming, and after I was awake enough to be coherent, I realized that it was my parents having sex. FML.

I shit myself once. fml

Can I have some teddy grahams?

why does he explain what happened at the end of every comic?

context: My first name is actually Ossama. No joke. Dad's from the Middle East so yeahhh.
personal FML moment: On May 3rd, the day after bin Laden was killed, i walked into class and for some reason I felt really energetic. No one made any jokes about me being dead or nothing. So far so good. Then My teacher walked into class and said, "Hey Ossama, how you feeling?" I said that I was feeling better than normal. He replied, "Wow, that's amazing!". I asked why it was amazing. He then said, "Because the United States government says you're supposed to be dead!". FML

When I was about 6, I was running around my basement in circles. My mom told me to stop running, and I turned to her and yelled no. I turned forward and hit my head off of the refrigerator in front of me. I got 17 stitches, and I laughed the entire way to the hospital. 11 years later, I still have a dent in my head.

I was in blockbuster when i was a little kid. my mom was in the next aisle over and i was looking at Dragonball Z movies (fuck yeah). anyway, some fat lady came in the same aisle. i circled around her, and the stopped. i said straight to her face "you're fat". She went to the manager, tried to find who my mom was but my mom decided "hey, that's not my son for the next 15 minutes" FML.

Today, i took a jog like i do every morning. I was going around the lake when i slipped in bird poop. As if it wasn't bad enough to ruin my somewhat new shoes, my butt landed on the grass in DOG poop! adding insult to injury, right as all of this happened, 3 of the hottest guys from my school walked by and laughed. FML

well this is an fml and a "am i the only one". but once in high school i was shit n pissing and when i was done, upon standing i took a shit, but i was like lol kinda funny until i remember that whenever you poop... thou must pee. so i pissed all over my pants and boxers. i managed to dry it later, during which i got odd looks, but i still smelled like piss.

Okay, this one is digging far. Appreciate it;
I was about 5 years old, and my mom ran this home baby sitting thing. Me being a sexy little pimp I found a little 5 year old ginger bitch. We were playing hide and seek with my best friend, and she followed me into the shower. She sat in the tub with me with the curtain closed and I kissed her cheek, like it was no big deal. Next day she never really ever came back, and about a week later some 7 year old said I never had sex. This was about a week before I found out what it was, so I felt pretty stupid when I said in the middle of lunch with a teacher behind me, "SHUT THE FUCK UP I TOTALLY HAD SEX!!" And that is how I found out what sex was, after I had to write sentences about not saying bad words. Her name was Maddison.
Idk if thats an FML or God Why thing, but I put in some damn effort remembering.