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I'll take you around the universe

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Views: 2985 Submitted: 05/04/2013
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> hey anon, wanna give your opinion?
asd
User avatar #1 - snowshark
Reply +4 123456789123345869
(05/04/2013) [-]
The trick to a good twist story is if you set it up in advance. You can't just switch the narrative with no foreshadowing otherwise it's too jarring and there's no transitional route to follow. It's only funny when you can see the building blocks of the punchline in your head.

The punchline that would work well with this kind of story would be something to do with MLP. There's no shortage of puns from the Dragon Code to Big Mac and so on that would fit in the situation. A good effort and it did have me going but the punchline failed on every important level.

Not gonna thumb you down but not up either. This could do with some work.
#2 to #1 - cmndrfatty [OP]
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(05/04/2013) [-]
i'm new at these, but yeah thanks for the advice.

Here's a poorly drawn thumb with a smiley face.
User avatar #3 to #2 - snowshark
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(05/04/2013) [-]
No problem, mate.

Just be careful. Just as a punchline can come out of nowhere and lose it's humour, so can a punchline that is too obvious. If people figure out the joke too early on then the twist ending is no longer a twist ending. Think of it like a Knock Knock joke. You've got a setup and a punchline. This just happens to be longer to set up a bigger punchline.
#10 - thunderpony
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(05/05/2013) [-]
good one op
#9 - ghostrollerelite
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(05/05/2013) [-]
that was funny but i didn't expected the ending. good job OP
that was funny but i didn't expected the ending. good job OP
#6 - sinery
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(05/04/2013) [-]
I has the boners.
I has the boners.
#11 - sparkofinsanity
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(05/05/2013) [-]
"THE ALMIGHTY STAFF OF GLORY" lost it there.
#7 - MotorstormLegend
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(05/05/2013) [-]
I don't know how to react to this.   
   
So here's an Atlas moth.
I don't know how to react to this.

So here's an Atlas moth.
User avatar #8 to #7 - fatspartan
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(05/05/2013) [-]
That's probably the first time I'd ever want to own a moth... it looks fluffy... like a baby Mothra
#5 - anon id: cde5ac38
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(05/04/2013) [-]
hey I thought it was funny
User avatar #4 - kwanzalord
Reply -3 123456789123345869
(05/04/2013) [-]
at the point I saw pony, I stopped reading.