Two Sentence Stories #5

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btschweitzer

Channel: morbid-channel

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Two Sentence Stories #5. This is the last comp I owed you guys from before. Sorry was dealing with personal stuff but things have improved a lot. I'll go back t

This is the last comp I owed you guys from before. Sorry was dealing with personal stuff but things have improved a lot. I'll go back to posting only once a week on Fridays starting tomorrow unless there is more demand. Hope you enjoy these!

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You know the drill +50 Thumbs for More or -25 to Stop

Previous Comps:
Some Two Sentence Stories (#1) - /channel/morbid-channel/Some+two+sentence+stories/XtecLKg/
More Two Sentence Stories (#2) - /More+two+sentence+stories/funny-pictures/5625063/
Two Sentence Stories #3 - /channel/morbid-channel/Two+sentence+stories+3/dzpcLqm/
Two Sentence Stories - One Month! (Bonus Comp) - /channel/morbid-channel/Two+sentence+stories+one+month/pmTdLcz/
Two Sentence Stories #4 - /channel/morbid-channel/Two+sentence+stories+4/GnTdLTa/

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Views:	17420
Favorited:	34
Submitted:	08/20/2015

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+35

#1 - mintyfreshmenthol (08/20/2015) [-]

hemingway was challenged to write the shortest sad story he could

#2 to #1 - btschweitzer [OP](08/20/2015) [-]

In a lot of ways this piece and Frederick Brown's story inspired me to try out this medium of writing.

#19 to #1 - anon (08/21/2015) [-]

SMBC always relevant.

#21 to #19 - anon (08/22/2015) [-]

ALWAYS relevant and clever and just amazing. Seriously how does he do it?!?!?!

#28 to #21 - btschweitzer [OP](08/22/2015) [-]

>.> Are you kidding me? FunnyJunk keeps signing me out of this account! I'm sorry this was me.

+17

#13 - atusek (08/21/2015) [-]

Just a friendly critique, in writing, especially cases such as this, less is more. For example this could be retouched as
"I chambered another round into my rifle, closing my eyes and praying, blocking out the cries of the advancing Vietcong. When I opened them again I saw nothing but the eyes of alarmed patrons in the diner as I crouched under the table clutching a warm breadstick."
Use your words less to set the physical scene but more for the feels. Loving these comps tho, well done!

#14 to #13 - TheHutchie (08/21/2015) [-]

There's also a grammatical error right near the end there. Always double check, OP.

#22 to #14 - anon (08/22/2015) [-]

If I'm being honest I don't re-check these before I post them on here and I really need to start. They are first checked when written by both my boyfriend and I and then again after they are made into images (I usually batch them in groups of 30-50 in one day) but I suppose both of us are too close to the writing to pick up on mistakes then. Even reading them outloud stuff gets lost sometimes. Extra sets of eyes would be a welcome aid if anybody is interested. I'll try to be more careful in the future but thankfully each batch gets a bit better and I get to go back to fix them on my website at least.

#29 to #22 - btschweitzer [OP](08/22/2015) [-]

^^ Sorry TheHutchie that was me.

#15 to #13 - apurpleliger (08/21/2015) [-]

The original was more moving, in my opinion.

#11 - motherfuckingkenji (08/21/2015) [-]

So because he wasn't affected by her gaze, the blind man ****** Medusa?

That's hot.

#18 to #11 - sirdood (08/21/2015) [-]

#23 to #18 - anon (08/22/2015) [-]

I wasn't even thinking of this comic when I wrote but hot damn does it make the scene even better.

#12 - americansnoopernsa (08/21/2015) [-]

**americansnoopernsa used "*roll picture*"**
**americansnoopernsa rolled image**

This one's my favorite from a MAD magazine issue:

I can't kill it. And now it's pissed!

#10 - tarabostes ONLINE (08/21/2015) [-]

******* CHAD
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

#9 - localbees (08/21/2015) [-]

A lot of these seem really... poorly written. Like the idea is cool, but the word choice sucks.

#17 - Captainunhelpful (08/21/2015) [-]

#26 to #17 - anon (08/22/2015) [-]

Seems like a lot of people are REALLY into the Gorgon story, huh?

#3 - kothaex ONLINE (08/21/2015) [-]

I dun get the chad one
explain pls

#4 to #3 - btschweitzer [OP](08/21/2015) [-]

Well literally the story is that Chad, a frat boy, got abducted by aliens and was terrified that they would poke his butt but they had much worse plans for him. Simple as that really. Even though each story is self contained and complete within two sentences lots of the stories occur in the same worlds - I call them microcosms. Each microcosm has similar features and rules I outline for myself when I'm trying to create stories so that most pieces share the same feel, overlapping characters, and sometimes lead into each other. Chad the Frat Boy is the titular character of this microcosm - one I really only use to blow off steam and try my hand at humor for better or worse parodying common horror tropes (but don't worry there is an underlying story to explain his continued survival regardless of his continued stupidity). I haven't really premiered the concept on my site just yet (planning to launch it September-ish) but if you look through the stories you'll find them all respectively tagged. Depending on how things go the plan was to release collections for each microcosm with all their stories and easter eggs in order so readers get the entire picture - like why the dead are suddenly rising throughout history, what on earth is going on in this gated community, and why Chad is functionally immortal. But yeah fear of butt stuff.

#16 to #4 - notnotnot (08/21/2015) [-]

"That should have been the least of his worries" Implying it wasn't actually the least of his worries
Implying he got his ass split by aliens

#24 to #16 - anon (08/22/2015) [-]

Being functionally immortal =/= being immune to a good ass spliting from time to time (wait until the mutant redneck story lol)

#30 to #24 - btschweitzer [OP](08/22/2015) [-]

Also me. Damn. Sorry guys.

#8 - anon (08/21/2015) [-]

Cold rifle steel

So you haven't been shooting it? why is it unloaded?

#25 to #8 - anon (08/22/2015) [-]

The idea with that detail was to make it obvious he wasn't shooting. I have a big family with some have served and I've seen what it's like when they do and don't come back. This isn't the only PTSD story I have but it's one of the less intentionally creepy ones out of respect for what they go through.

#7 - tolikbro (08/21/2015) [-]

Fourth story, you used "neigh" where you meant "nigh"

Neigh = sound a horse makes
Nigh = near to

#27 to #7 - anon (08/22/2015) [-]

I SWEAR posting them makes typos appear (kidding aside I realize that now and will try to proof more closely it's hard doing everything yourself you know? And thank you for not making any horse based puns).