Two Sentence Stories #24

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Two Sentence Stories #24. Everyone survived Krampusnacht? Well for those who did it's one of the three categories in this month's writing contest. Enter here: w

Everyone survived Krampusnacht? Well for those who did it's one of the three categories in this month's writing contest. Enter here: www.btschweitzer.com/contests/contestdecember2015/. Free to Enter and Amazon Gift Cards as Prizes. I'll be starting with my Six Word Story comps on Wednesday! Be sure to let me know what you think of this new batch of microfiction!

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+50 Lay out cookies for Santa or -25 Hunt Down Krampus myself.

Previous Comps:
Some Two Sentence Stories (#1) - /channel/morbid-channel/Some+two+sentenc e+stories/XtecLKg/
More Two Sentence Stories (#2) -/channel/morbid-channel/More+two+senten ce+stories/funny-pictures/5625063/
Two Sentence Stories #3 - /channel/morbid-channel/Two+sentence+sto ries+3/dzpcLqm/
Two Sentence Stories - One Month! (Bonus Comp) - /channel/morbid-channel/Two+sentence+sto ries+one+month/pmTdLcz/
Two Sentence Stories #4 - /channel/morbid-channel/Two+sentence+sto ries+4/GnTdLTa/
Two Sentence Stories #5 - /channel/morbid-channel/Two+sentence+sto ries+5/anTdLna/
Two Sentence Stories #6 - /channel/morbid-channel/Two+sentence+sto ries+6/bnTdLoa/
Two Sentence Stories #7 - /channel/morbid-channel/Two+sentence+sto ries+7/BogdLOb/
Two Sentence Stories #8 - /channel/morbid-channel/Two+sentence+sto r ies+8/wqjdLjd/
Two Sentence Stories #9 - /channel/morbid-channel/Two+sentence+sto ries+9/plrdLcy/
Two Sentence Stories - 100 Supporters! (Bonus Comp) - /channel/morbid-channel/Two+sentence+sto ries+100+supporters/ovtdLbi/
Two Sentence Stories #10 - /channel/morbid-channel/Two+sentence+sto ries+10/xvtdLki/
Two Sentence Stories #11 - /channel/morbid-channel/Two+sentence+sto ries+11/foBeLsb/
Two Sentence Stories #12 - /channel/morbid-channel/Two+sentence+sto ries+12/kgNeLxt/
Two Sentence Stories #13 - /channel/morbid-channel/Two+sentence+sto ries+13/ugNeLht/
Two Sentence Stories #14 - /channel/morbid-channel/Two+sentece+stor ies+14/cLaeLpY/
Two Sentence Stories #15 - /channel/morbid-channel/Two+sentence+sto ries+15/eLaeLrY/
Two Sentence Stories #16 - /channel/morbid-channel/Two+sentence+sto ries+16/lTceLyG/
Two Sentence Stories #17 - /channel/morbid-channel/Two+sentence+sto ries+17/zlgeLmy/
Two Sentence Stories #18 - /channel/morbid-channel/Two+sentence+sto ries+18/MmgeLZz/
Two Sentence Stories #19 - /channel/morbid-channel/Two+sentence+sto ries+19/sYqeLfL/
Two Sentence Stories Halloween Part 1 - /channel/morbid-channel/Two+sentence+sto ries+halloween+part+1/wYqeLjL/
Two Sentence Stories Halloween Part 2 - /channel/morbid-channel/Two+sentence+sto ries+halloween+part+2/zYqeLmL/
Two Sentence Stories #20 - /channel/morbid-channel/Two+sentence+sto ries+20/knDfLxa/
Two Sentence Stories #21 - /channel/morbid-channel/Two+sentence+sto ries+21/onDfLba/
Two Sentence Stories #22 - /channel/morbid-channel/Two+sentence+sto ries+22/GsbfLTf/
Two Sentence Stories #23 - /channel/morbid-channel/Two+sentence+sto ries+23/TbhfLGo/
Two Sentence Stories #24 - This one!
Six Word Stories #1 - Wednesday, 12/09
Two Sentence Stories #25 - Monday, 12/11

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Views:	12206
Favorited:	6
Submitted:	12/07/2015

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#2 - warioteam (12/07/2015) [-]

these arent very good lol

#8 - anon (12/08/2015) [-]

Therese really aren't good.

First one, just kind of dull. Not awful, but half the point of 'two sentence stories' is to spark imagination and this one barely tries.

Second one seems like it's supposed to be a two sentence horror story, but fails. Too much description in the second sentence trying to set the scene that there is no impact.

Third one is absolutely awful. Any and all two sentence stories that include an awkward run-on sentence should be disqualified from calling themselves "two sentence stories." Is there even a point to this "story"? Or is it just trying to be goofy and silly?

Fourth, the supposed reveal carries no impact. "An old lady was buried with her jewelry, but a young lady robbed her grave" is about the most boring way you can tell that short story, and it's the job of a good writer to make it more interesting. This story did a poor job of that.

Fifth one is alright, but still pretty clunky with it's wording. Probably the best one.

last one is pretty boring, and the only decent part about it all is it implies the narrator/whoever 'wrote' this story is familiar with hell, and that something in hell changed. Might be something there, but not captured effectively.

#13 to #8 - btschweitzer [OP](12/08/2015) [-]

I always appreciate comments like this where the person specifies what they disliked and why. Thank you for the feedback.

#6 - woodoo (12/08/2015) [-]

You know, whenever i see stuff like this, i like to add another sentence that completely removes any horror element of the story, examples being;
"Met the most beautiful girl i had ever seen at a costume party. We talked into morning until she turned to stone at dawn. All i did was call out the wrong name, she didn't need to be a bitch about it."
"Attacking the stone lions was supposed to be a wimple way to prove his bravery. At least until one caught the baseball bat he was swinging in its (goddamnit, i just noticed the failed grammar in the image) paw. He got a stern talking to from the living statue guy."
"Heirlooms were excluded from the will and instead buried with the old crone. Knowing that did little to bother the young girl about her new antique ruby necklace. Especially since she was 8 and got it from her grandpa."
"I never go to bed alone regardless of the cost of some company. Otherwise i might not be able to blame someone for the whispers and the horrible things they tell me to do. Still, it's really hard to find prostitutes willing to cater to my very specific fetish."
"The air bit at my exposed flesh. When did Hell become so cold? Maybe messing with the thermostat wasn't the best idea, after all, this IS hell."
And similar. (oh, and no "it was all a dream" nonsense.)

#3 - ishallsmiteyou (12/07/2015) [-]

I wound up winning the one for thanksgiving. First place in the feast category.

#4 to #3 - btschweitzer [OP](12/07/2015) [-]

Didn't know you were from FunnyJunk! Small world! Hope to see more stuff from you soon

#5 to #4 - ishallsmiteyou (12/07/2015) [-]

I don't doubt I'll get around to it eventually

#1 - baronbrixius ONLINE (12/07/2015) [-]

so sp00ke

#10 - remsaman (12/08/2015) [-]

Stop.

#11 to #10 - btschweitzer [OP](12/08/2015) [-]

You know the more I do this the more I've come to appreciate comments like that. They are so simple and so motivating. I think I needed that kick in the pants to do some serious work today. Thank you.

#15 to #11 - remsaman (12/08/2015) [-]

no. really.
These arent interesting. they arent spooky. they arent thought provoking.

theyre just things that are happening, little snippets that make no sense because theres no context.

1. So she was a statue. yes its supernatural but whats the point? is she a statue all the time except for the party? is she a gargoyle and only comes out at night? whats the reason for her being at the party in the first place? we wont know because theres no context, no set up, and no explanation.

2. Same thing. Clearly the gentleman attacking the statue thought it was just a statue. so why would it be an act of bravery to anyone? And if they knew the statue would retaliate, why is it no longer an act of bravery? surely attacking a sentient lion statue would be considered a brave move. why was the man attacking the statue? it wasnt to prove he was brave because he thought it was a statue. wheres the explanation or the context?

3. this doesnt even make sense. someone got struck by lightning, a supernatural event, and chad thought the press would put the frat in a negative light? what was he, ******* Frankenstein trying to give a monster life? why would a natural event make him look bad? and whats this about the frat boys not being creative? what relevance does it hold?
I can only assume this half burnt corpse is the previously mentioned frat that got struck by lightning. So the kid is a frankenstien monster? why? and if frat boys are not creative, then was this an accident? or was this why chad thought the frat would be put in a negative light? but then hed be assuming that everyone thought the frat boys intentionally made this monster, which is apparently not the case because they are not creative.

4. ok. so the girls a grave robber, or she didnt care about the will. im not seeing the point of this story. are we supposed to be shocked that shes a bad person or what?

5. uhh.. is it a guy that hires hookers so he doesnt think the thoughts are coming from him? a guy with schizophrenia isnt really scary. its just a guy. You could just replace the text with "The voices in my head tell me to murder people" and it'd probably be clearer and have the same impact.

6. a guy is cold. guy turns out to be in hell. shocker.
Theres no buildup or payoff to this story. i feel like this is meant to be a play on "when hell freezes over"? or are we meant to be spooked that hell is cold?

Seriously. almost all of these make no sense and the others are just ******* abysmal in story structure. If you want to write two sentence stories you can, but you need them to be actual stories, not shenanigans.
And you cant use the excuse that theyre only two sentences, so you cant give them proper structure, because then you really should just stop as you arent trying to write stories, youre just typing random sentences.

Think about what you write.