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#9
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alyxisrosethorne (04/28/2012) [-] It's great so far, I'm actually writing a zombie story, too. The one problem that I saw was a bit of tense shifting. You said "I can hear..." then later, "I ran..." Just be careful about that.
Also, it is "My family is dead," not "My family are dead."
I love editing stuff, especially gory/freaky stuff, so if you ever need an editor I'd be happy to help.
Also, it is "My family is dead," not "My family are dead."
I love editing stuff, especially gory/freaky stuff, so if you ever need an editor I'd be happy to help.
#11 to #9
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victoriaowsnett (04/28/2012) [-] Thank you for telling me this. I was just wondering what I would put instead of 'I ran' because I thought about that when I was writing this and I was trying to put it in the present tense like the rest of it but I couldn't think of anything.
I'm not sure if this question makes sense but if you can make sense of it please feel free to help me with it haha xD
I'm not sure if this question makes sense but if you can make sense of it please feel free to help me with it haha xD
#12 to #11
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alyxisrosethorne (04/28/2012) [-] I would use "jog," because if he's dizzy, he might not be able to go that fast without passing out. I would also use that because in the next sentence you use "running" and I try not to use the same verb that close together unless I have to.
