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The Little Girl

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Views: 10683 Submitted: 01/07/2012
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[ 44 comments ]
> hey anon, wanna give your opinion?
asd
User avatar #21 - gohanpicolo
Reply +25 123456789123345869
(01/08/2012) [-]
um if the creature had to kill and take the skin to inpersonate someone then how is the mother still alive? because the creature called from down stairs and the real mother was up stairs unless there were 2 creatures that already killed the mother and one was in the closet hiding and the other down stairs
User avatar #27 to #21 - chuckstein [OP]
Reply -3 123456789123345869
(01/08/2012) [-]
The mother heard her OWN voice calling her, because the creature didn't have much intellect on human psychology. I kinda imagined the house like mine, where the closet was next to the stairs and was very easy to jump into quickly, so I imagine he didn't see her but she got a quick glimpse of her, but maybe just ignored it. I don't really know, I made the second part, after she is dragged into the closet, because I wanted more, I'm not sure how that works lol.
#22 to #21 - jamespro **User deleted account**
0 123456789123345869
has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #23 to #22 - mishhooty
Reply +6 123456789123345869
(01/08/2012) [-]
the girl only hear the voice at the start, and you don't need a skin suit to fake a voice, so there mite only be 1
User avatar #24 to #23 - sinwraith
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(01/08/2012) [-]
...The skin suit is just a plus.
User avatar #26 to #24 - mishhooty
Reply +11 123456789123345869
(01/08/2012) [-]
yes a good suit makes everything better.
User avatar #28 to #26 - chuckstein [OP]
Reply -1 123456789123345869
(01/08/2012) [-]
You sound like my father lol.
User avatar #40 to #28 - mishhooty
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(01/08/2012) [-]
you made me think of your father as gay because im a girl :D
User avatar #42 to #40 - chuckstein [OP]
Reply -1 123456789123345869
(01/09/2012) [-]
No, a good suit makes everything better.
That sounds like something my dad would say lol.
#44 to #21 - anon id: 80e09b60
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(04/08/2013) [-]
That was all CAUGHT ON VIDEO DEE/ BEE THANKS FOR SHARING ON FUNNT JUNK$$$%%%%% SEE YOU LET HASBRO TSKE SMURF PHONE ALSO- MOMMY DEAREST ******* MARRIED HUSBAND- WATCHERS GOT UT ALL- ME CAME HOME- BEE GOT ME IUT YOYR CUNTY PERFUME IN MY HOUE/ - OH YA- NEIGHBORS ALSO/ SO SUN HAD FL INFO ALSO/ HAHA HA$$$$$$$$$ FIND $$$$$$ DECK, HOUSE, UF CUNT WANTS COURT BEE -
ORE JUNE$$$$ FINversionE ME- EXTRA BONER ERS --
#36 - rubenesquetony
Reply +13 123456789123345869
(01/08/2012) [-]
No offence, and sorry if you're not wanting a critique, but you've ruined a perfectly good creepy pasta story.

I recall reading the original version where the mom just grabs her and they hide before the end, which is ******* terrifying because what the thing and their fate is remains unknown. By adding descriptions of the monster, it isn't scary anymore because you're too descriptive, thus only scaring those with the specific fear of tentacled monsters and a man who bleeds.

TL;DR - it was fine the way it was, you've destroyed it by removing the suspense and mystery.
User avatar #47 to #36 - DinoCondom
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(01/12/2012) [-]
But now, because the tentacle monster thing has her Dad's voice you wonder, did it get her Mom too? Is that how it had her Mom's voice? Either that or I'm dumb and didn't understand what I was reading. If that's the case, sorry!
#48 to #36 - chuckstein [OP]
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(01/18/2012) [-]
Like I said before, if you don't like it, I respect your opinions of the story. I just felt it was incomplete, so I 'finished' it. Once again, sorry if you didn't like it, but I just felt it needed something else.
Like I said before, if you don't like it, I respect your opinions of the story. I just felt it was incomplete, so I 'finished' it. Once again, sorry if you didn't like it, but I just felt it needed something else.
#39 to #36 - woodenalligator
Reply +4 123456789123345869
(01/08/2012) [-]
Agreed.
#20 - comecsrock
Reply +13 123456789123345869
(01/08/2012) [-]
ive seen enough hentai
ive seen enough hentai
#1 - wyckedphobia
Reply +11 123456789123345869
(01/07/2012) [-]
or his kid who's name escapes me right now
#2 to #1 - chuckstein [OP]
0 123456789123345869
Comment deleted by chuckstein [-]
User avatar #3 to #1 - chuckstein [OP]
Reply +3 123456789123345869
(01/07/2012) [-]
Billy and Mandy FTW.
I never understood the Slenderman reference in Billy and Mandy until now
HOWEVER, I just wanted to say, thanks to whoever favorited this. Its my first morbid, and I hope it gave you shivers ^_^
User avatar #44 to #3 - underporches
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(01/10/2012) [-]
The Slenderman reference in Billy and Mandy?

Really?

Do correct me if I'm wrong on this one, but wasn't Slenderman created in some forum contest long after the character of Nergal was established? And Nergal himself was based on some ancient god or something.
User avatar #45 to #44 - chuckstein [OP]
Reply -1 123456789123345869
(01/10/2012) [-]
Well, I'm sorry if not everyone here is an expert on monsters, but I do believe you are wrong. Slenderman is supposedly an ancient legend.
User avatar #46 to #45 - underporches
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(01/10/2012) [-]
knowyourmeme.com/memes/slen...

Here ya go. He may have drawn inspiration from certain myths and legends, but Slendy himself came about ~2009.
User avatar #6 to #1 - RedPurpleRain
Reply +6 123456789123345869
(01/07/2012) [-]
Nergal.
User avatar #32 - artenega
Reply +8 123456789123345869
(01/08/2012) [-]
The story was better before it expanded. It was more ambiguous. The original ended at "I hear it too"
#34 to #32 - mrsandwichpenis **User deleted account**
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has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #33 to #32 - chuckstein [OP]
Reply +3 123456789123345869
(01/08/2012) [-]
Yes, but it felt incomplete. We didn't know who or what was in the house. If you don't like it expanded, I completely understand your point of view. I just felt like this was a good expansion to it, because at the end of the other one, I wasn't scared, just confused.
User avatar #19 - kyuukaku
Reply +4 123456789123345869
(01/08/2012) [-]
FINALLY SOMEONE EXPANDED THE STORY!
#38 - bitchimflawless
Reply +3 123456789123345869
(01/08/2012) [-]
#29 - vivalared
Reply +3 123456789123345869
(01/08/2012) [-]
Legit.
Legit.
User avatar #11 - ThatOneDouche
Reply +3 123456789123345869
(01/08/2012) [-]
Description made me lol.
#18 to #11 - thatoneguywithskin
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(01/08/2012) [-]
What you did there, i see it.
User avatar #4 - RedPurpleRain
Reply +3 123456789123345869
(01/07/2012) [-]
I've heard the beginning before, but never the part about the father. Nice.
User avatar #5 to #4 - chuckstein [OP]
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(01/07/2012) [-]
Someone posted the beginning, and I WTF'D that there was no ending, so y'know... I made one.
User avatar #7 to #5 - RedPurpleRain
Reply +2 123456789123345869
(01/07/2012) [-]
I like it. Keep it up.
User avatar #8 to #7 - chuckstein [OP]
Reply -1 123456789123345869
(01/07/2012) [-]
Thanks. I think I'll do a one a week kinda thing. idk what day, and if I have enough time with school, I'll try. Glad you liked it.
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